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“That must have felt good.”
“It did,” I admit.
That gets another small smile. “He needs people like you around him too, I suspect.”
“He does.” I pause. “But as you were arguing with him and being annoyed by him, you were adjusting to the idea that you were going to marry him,” I say, realizing it as I say it out loud.
She nods.
Of course she did. She believes that’s her duty.
“And then he left,” I say.
She blows out a breath. “Then he left. And even though no one but my family knew about the arranged marriage, I was humiliated. I figured I was part of the reason he was running away. And then he was gone forten years. And I kept waiting to hear that it was all over. I could move on. In fact, Itriedto move on. I went to college and thought, fine, I can date now. I don't have to worry about this anymore.
“But it was so ingrained in me, and I worried about Cara, and I was close to Diarmuid, and I knew he was worried and hurt. And I just could never shake it.”
She frowns, and I canfeelher frustration.
“I would try to go on dates,” she says. “But I just could not let myself get close to the guys, thinking that at any moment, things would change and they would say, ‘Linnea, all your dedication and hard work has been noticed. We want you to be queen. We changed all the rules, please come home and take the throne’. Or—” She sighs.
I watch her face, fascinated by the play of emotions over her features. Her frustration is clear, but there’s also a hurt there. She gave up a social life all through high school and college because she believed she had a higher calling. I want to run a finger over the tiny wrinkle between her brows and smooth it away.
“Or I’d imagine one of the O’Grady boys would suddenly come home and I’d be called back because of the stupid arrangement. Even when I wastwenty,I was still caught up in that. Because it wassoimportant to my grandfather and Diarmuid. And I didn't know if it was it going to be Declan or Torin or Cian. Everything was always up in the air. I have felt in limbo for over adecade. And then, sure enough, Torin waltzes in the door as if nothing's happened and we should all just be grateful he's back. So I’m here, ready to do the job, ready tohelphim. And he acts likeI’mthis huge problem.”
Wow.
She’s right about all of it.
My best friend is such a jackass sometimes.
“I know all of this sounds pathetic. But since it started when I was so young, and my family has been fully committed to it, I just can't shake it. And I do believe that I will be a wonderful queen. So, here I am, all wrapped up in this, annoyed as hell at Torin, convinced I will be better at it than he will, and no, I just can't make myself care that there's no love or passion or even lust between us. The job of being queen is bigger than that to me. If he and I have to give that up for the greater good of Cara, then we should be willing to do that.”
And that hits me as sad and just wrong. Not for the first time, but stronger now.
This woman has given this mess her focus for her entire life, and Torin needs to at least respect that.
“Duchess,” I say, my voice a little raspier than I expected. “We’re going to figure all of this out. For everyone. It’s going to be okay.”
I want to make it even better than okay.
Which could be a problem. Because the goal is Torin on the throne and the O’Grady and Olsen families united. Everyone being ‘better than okay’ isn’t in the fine print.
She gives me a smile that seems sad. I hate that.
“I knowheis your responsibility. It’s not your job to makemeokay,” she says.
Technically, it would be. If she was engaged to Torin. But the knot in my stomach is telling me thatthat’sgetting further and further away from happening.
And yet…I can’t shake theneedto say, “I’m still going to be sure you are.”
Our gazes lock and we just stare at each other for a long, heavy moment.
Then I say, “Time to go back inside, Your Grace.”
She swallows, then nods.
I escort her all the way back to her bedroom door. Right next to mine.