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“You did date? Did you ever meet anyone special?”
“I met the love of my life.” His voice is soft, his expression wistful. Almost sad. “But I needed a queen.”
That makes my heart hurt. "I didn’t know that," I say quietly.
"Not many do.” He sits straighter. “Because it doesn’t matter. As you’ve seen for yourself, we rule very well together. You and Torin will be the same.”
My heart drops. I’m suddenly breathing faster than I should be.
On one hand, it’s good he doesn’t know about me and Jonah, yet.
I don’t have to face Diarmuid’s disappointment today. Or anger. I don’t have to let him down. I don’t have to tell him that everything he’s counted on me for is not going to happen.
But, this hurts. I feel like I’m denying Jonah by staying silent in this moment. Diarmuid has been where I am. In love with someone, but in a complicated position, torn between love and duty. And I hate that I’m misleading Diarmuid when he’s right in front of me and I have a perfect opportunity to tell him what happened in D.C.. He’s my family. He loves me. And this conversation is leading me perfectly to what I need to say.
But…
My breath lodges in my chest.
The realization fully sinks in and I feel my head spinning and I have to blink to clear my vision.
It won’t matter.
Yes, he’ll understand falling in love with someone else, but…
That love won’t be enough for him to let me out of the arranged marriage.
Everything we thought, everything we planned on…won’t happen.
We were wrong.
Just because he loves me, just because I might have fallen in love with someone else, won’t mean that he will understand me turning my back on my duty to Cara.
To him.
“Are you all right?” Diarmuid is looking at me with concern.
I realize I’m gripping my hands tightly in my lap and I haven’t said anything for nearly a minute.
"You know that I love Cara," I finally say. It’s the only fully truthful thing Icansay.
Diarmuid smiles. "Of course I do. You’ve never given me any reason to doubt that for a moment."
Chapter28
Jonah
* * *
“Then he said I’ve never given him any reason to doubt that for a moment, and I almost burst into tears.”
Linnea takes a shaky breath and I have to grit my teeth to keep from cursing about the king.
He didn’t lay a guilt trip on Linnea on purpose. He meant everything he said. He values her. He loves her. It’s all genuine, and part of me appreciates that. She deserves to be valued and loved.
But she needs to be valued and loved when she’s doing what makes her happy, not only when she’s making everyone else happy.
Everything he said to her, from telling her she’s exactly what Cara needs, to informing her that he himself has lived in a marriage that was designed for the good of the throne versus his own personal happiness, has only piled on to her feelings of guilt since we’ve gotten back.