Page 46

I really think he’s admitting this, at least in part, because of the liquor in his system. Jonah is usually too controlled to say things like this.
He nods. “I thought maybe you'd kiss me. And it would be okay. Because we were in public, and Torin was egging it on, and it’s my birthday. We’d have a million excuses.”
My gaze drops to his mouth and I realize that I absolutely would've kissed him. I would've been very glad for a reason.
An excuse.
“Because we need an excuse,” I say quietly. My gaze is still on his mouth.
I watch his lips as he says, “Yeah. We do.”
“Because if we don't have an excuse, and we just kissed, that would mean…”
“Something else,” he fills in.
My gaze bounces back to his.
He's watching me with what I now know is heat. I've never had a man look at me like this, so it does feel strange. But I recognize it. It's like an instinct. I don't have to have experienced it before to know it.
I wet my lips. I suddenly want to know what it's like to kiss Jonah more than I’ve wanted anything in a very long time.
“There's something else I know about you.”
“I thought you said you kneweverythingabout me.”
He nods. “I do. Facts anyway. But as you pointed out the first night, I don't always know how you feel about them.”
“What do you know?”
“That of these boyfriends you've had?—”
“I've never had a boyfriend,” I interrupt. “I've gone on a couple of dates.”
He swallows. “Right. I know that at the end of those dates, they didn't kiss you.”
I feel my brows pull together. “How do you know that?”
“Does it matter?” He shrugs. “We have a collection of notes about you. They come from a lot of places. I suspect you told someone at some point. But—” He pauses, then blows out a breath. “I’ve read every fucking word anyone’s given me about you.”
Shock, and pleasure, and more heat cascade through me.
I press my hand to my stomach. I don’t know how he, or anyone, knows about my dates. Probably a college acquaintance. I may have even told my mother or grandmother. They were always so concerned about my dating status and my relationships with other people. They were always worried about how it would affect my future with Torin. I might have assured them that I hadn’t even kissed anyone else.
And no, it didn't matter how Jonah knew this.
“It's true.”
“So you've never been kissed?” His voice is rough.
I know this is very hard for people to believe. I am a composed, sophisticated, thirty-one-year-old woman. And I've never been kissed.
“It's true.”
He stands up from the stool. We are only inches apart. And I have zero impulse to step back.
In fact, I want to step closer. Jonah is a safe place for me. I know his body will be strong and warm, and I’ll feel completely safe with him against me. I would love nothing more than for him to pull me into his arms and hug me.
He makes me feel secure. He makes me feel special. He knows my biggest secrets—that I am engaged to be married to a man who doesn't want me and that I’m considering it because I want to be queen. He knows that I have ambitions that mean I will agree to a loveless—possibly sexless—marriage.