Page 151

It doesn’t help that I’m also feeling guilty as hell. Iris wasn’t happy, but at least I was able to handle telling her via text. I didn’t have to hear the disappointment and anger in her voice. And thank God she didn’t say anything like I’ve failed or let them all down.
I haven’t. Yet.
Once Torin is on the throne, and we can prove to everyone that he is capable, and that Linnea will still be here, advising him, helping him, and supporting him, they’ll all relax and realize that this is just a bump along the overall path.
But that means that I can’t take Linnea away from Torin and Cara.
Which means I can’t get fired. Or if I do and I’m asked to leave the country, I can’t take her with me.
That’s unthinkable.
So for right now, we have to lie low, and not let the king—or anyone who would tell the king—catch on.
I know she hates misleading him though.
When we were in the happy haze that surrounded us in D.C., far from Cara, far from all the expectations and responsibilities, when we could just get lost in one another, and were finally able to admit, talk about, and express our feelings for each other after hiding them for so long from one another, it was easy to believe it would all work out.
But now we’re back in the real world. Where the people we care about are telling us that we’ve messed things up.
We’re back in the real world where the people we care about have to help us fix this.
Linnea and I are the ones who fix things. We are the ones who take care of all ofthem.
It’s hard for both of us to lean on them instead.
We’re sitting at the counter in the kitchen where we’ve shared so many late-night talks.
“I know this is going to be hard for a little while,” I tell her, stroking my thumb across the back of her knuckles.
She lifts those gorgeous green eyes to mine. “We thought he would understand if I fell in love. We thought he’d let me out of this if he knew Torin and I would never really be in love. But now…he’s going to expect us to marry anyway.”
I try to hide how hard my heart squeezes, but it almost takes my breath away. The king has sacrificed for Cara and he believes Linnea is the right answer for his country going forward. She might be right.
“He can’t force you to get married, though,” I say. “You’re an adult. A grown woman. He won’t march you down the aisle at gunpoint.”
She swallows hard and her eyes drop to our intertwined fingers. “No, he won’t do that.”
My heart squeezes, even harder.
Diarmuid might not have to force her. Linnea’s sense of loyalty is deeply engrained. They started telling her what was expected of her when she was a young child. All she’s ever known is a future that includes serving this country. Diarmuid is as close to her as any member of her family. Her parents have been, at best, distant and, at worst, neglectful. She’s close to her siblings, but she’s always taken care of them. The only people who have been at all nurturing toward her were her grandfather and Diarmuid.
Her affection for the king is real.
It will take a lot to get her to do anything she perceives as betraying him.
“You can serve this country, and fulfill everything Diarmuid needs from you, but not be married to Torin,” I remind her.
She nods. “I know that deep down.”
I lift my hand to her chin and tip her head up so she’s looking at me. “You deserve to be happy.”
“I know. So do you.”
“Nothing makes me happier than you do.”
“Same for me.Youare what I want.”
Relief rushes through me.