Page 9

“See you in class.” Alina called at me, laughing. “Maybe we can be friends there!”
I didn’t answer her, but hurried up the stairs, careful not to slip on the ice. The metal doorknob was cold to my already numb fingers and I pulled the door open.
But I didn’t go inside. I froze, shifting my feet, trying to keep the bag balanced and hold the heavy door open at the same time.
Suddenly making a decision, I swiveled and carefully trudged down the stairs.
Alina was still standing in the same spot, staring at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Here.” I was out of breath, I was so nervous. I put down the bag and carefully untied the loaf of bread, picking out two pieces from a spot where it might not be noticed. When I held it to her, her eyes grew as big as saucers.
“For me?”
I nodded. “Sure. Why not?”
“But what about?—“
I shoved it into her hands. “Just take it, kay?”
“Thank you!” She shoved a big bite into her mouth before she was even done with the words.
I watched her eat it, my own stomach rumbling, once more wishing the rest of the food was for me. When I was beginning to regret not taking a bite first, I grabbed the bag, ready to run away when she stopped me.
“Here,” her fingers squeezed something into my hand. “You can have these.”
I looked down at my fists, and the edges of her red ribbons were sticking out. “But these are?—“
“Just take it!”
I laughed, the sound strange to my own ears, and her bright smile was back. She leaned in, whispering. “And I bet we can be secret friends. Your mama doesn’t have to know.”
Unexpectedly, there was a knot in my throat and my whole body felt warm. I’d never had a friend before. “Okay.” I rushed the words out before she could take it back, glancing at my apartment to make sure mama wasn’t watching. “I’d better go.”
Alina nodded wisely, and I shoved the ribbons in my pocket before grabbing the bag of food. I didn’t look back as I rushed into the apartment, or as the door slammed behind me. Instead, I smiled a secret smile to myself. I was going to have a friend.
If she’s telling the truth and not tricking you.
I shoved downthatvoice, the one in my head all the time that I hated, and climbed up the stairs.
I was out of breath by the time I got to my door.
“Took you long enough.” Papa’s voice growled from his bedroom door. “I’m starving.”
I rushed to the kitchen, pulling out the food I’d gotten and began to put it away, ignoring my mama. She was sitting on the sofa, right on top of my pajamas that I’d folded, watching me. A cigarette was to her lips, the ash flicking onto my pillow.
“I saw you talking to that girl.” Her raspy voice made my stomach clench but I stared into the fridge as I put away the apples.
“She just wanted to know if we had homework.” I spotted a stick of butter and slid it behind the apples, hoping mama and papa didn’t know it was there. I would eat it later.
“She go to your school?”
“Yes.” I poured the rest of the cottage cheese into a bowl and began to mix it with the last egg and flour.
“She’s not your friend is she?” Papa appeared in the living room, plopping down next to mama. He took her cigarette and put it to his mouth.
“Of course not.” I focused on the stove as I began making themsyrnikiso they wouldn’t see the tears pooling in my eyes.
I wished they would let me have friends. I wished they would make me food for once. I wished I could sleep in the warm bed all morning, instead of freezing out on the couch. I wished, I wished, so many things that would never happen.