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He got me food when I was hungry, bought me clothes when mine were too small.
He kept me company when I was lonely.
He'd held me at night, when I was so high I could barely remember to breathe. He’d been there for me.
He came to see me when everyone else in the city and on the island wanted his attention. Yet, he gave it to a short, skinny, underdeveloped girl who meant nothing to anyone else.
I was nothing, and even though it hadn't lasted, Knight had given me attention, love. Kisses that made my heart ache. Protection that emboldened me, when all the other kids at school would've picked on me, but he'd spread word that if they did, they would answer to him.
He cared for me when no one else did.
Although he'd lost his love for me, it had still been there once, …and now, I'd just erased the evidence of it.
More tears came, sliding down my cheeks, burning my eyes, my ears, my heart. More and more of them, flooding and strangling myself with their intensity.
I wasn't even sure what I was crying about anymore. All I knew is that I just hurt and there was nothing that was going to take this pain from my soul.
I knew it then. I would never escape this. There was no happy ever after for me.
Not even by killing the man whom I loved and hated equally.
A low noise pulled from my throat, and I squeezed my eyes shut as the pain came dripping, pouring, wresting from my soul.
I was swallowed up like a star, tore apart by the black hole, and there was nothing left of me inside it.
I couldn’t go through with it.
"Shh," fingers on my side pulled me closer, "it's okay." Knight tugged me down onto his chest, wrapping warm, strong arms around me. Holding me close and pressing soft kisses on the top of my head. His thumb stroking down my back.
It felt so familiar, him comforting me, and the fact that I'd just held a gun to him made it so much worse.
He was still taking care of me, after all these years.
I cried harder, pressing my face into his warm body to hide my pain from him.
Tangling his fingers into my hair, his thumb brushing softly over my cheekbone, his fingers trembling as they raked up and down my arm. He made soothing sounds deep in his throat, sounds that trickled over my skin, warm and comforting.
Anywhere he could, he poured his love into me.
And I ate it all up.
I cried and cried, letting out all the pain and anguish, simultaneously wishing I was anywhere but here. Wishing I was floating in a sea of stars among the celestial beings, instead of here in his arms, a gun by my side, his warmth washing over me.
After a long while, I glanced up at him tentatively. He met my gaze, and instead of anger or hatred or even sadness like I expected, it was filled with an unconditional love that rocked me to the core.
How was it possible?
My mind stuttered, useless with this information.
“Tati,” his voice, soft as he bent his face forward.
Our breaths mingled, his like whiskey and mint, our hearts pounding against each other, the feel against my skin vibrant and electric. He brushed his nose across mine in a soft caress. I held my breath, waiting for what I thought might happen, trying to squash the hope rising in me.
“You,polva,” Still grasping the back of my head, he pulled me to him, kissing me.
Once again, I was falling.
Falling into a dark abyss where I no longer knew what I wanted.