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I was okay accepting that I needed help sometimes.
However, there were still some things that were too painful to let go--memories like phantoms, flickering into my mind without warning.
One day I would have the courage to let them go, but not today.
And that was okay.
Instead, I blinked, focusing on the coral below. Pumping my feet, I pushed down and through the water, swimming through the beauty of the ocean, careful to watch out for eels.
A shadow passed overhead, blocking the sun, and I glanced towards it, then jolted at the sight before me.
Suddenly, I couldn't breathe.
Impossible.
Waiting until I was completely out of breath, I steered upwards, kicking hard until I broke the surface. Sucking in a deep breath, I looked around, unable to trust myself.
Knight's ghost haunted me everywhere I went, but never had it looked so real as it had just then. I studied the empty bay, catching my breath, trying to ignore the twisting in my belly.
And then, there was a movement that caught my attention, and then my breath, because the time had finally come.
I was having a breakdown.
I'd completely lost it and needed to be checked into an institution, because I was hallucinating that Knight was here in Costa Rica.
I blinked and he was even closer.
Panic slammed through me.He was actually here.
At the sight of his determined look peeking out over the water, the copper gleam of his hair, the fire in his eyes, swimming towards me--
I ran, like the coward that I was.
I dove back underwater, pushing below the waves, and swam towards shore. When it got too shallow to swim, I ripped off my flippers.
I darted through the waves, cursing them for hindering my speed. Eyes on my keys, glinting in the sun, still feet away.
Sounds of splashing behind me--he was close.
Suddenly, Knight's firm chest surrounded me. His fingers gripped tight as he hauled us out of the water and onto the beach.
I kicked and struggled, not even sure why I was fighting him.
I missed him every damn day, but this, him showing up here, out of the blue...I couldn't...I didn't...."What are you doing?"
"Holding you," His voice was a deep growl that set my heart racing and my blood on fire.
"Wha...How.. I--" I didn't know what to say, a mixture of raw emotions swirling through me as he carried me to my stuff.
"If I set you down, are you going to run?" he asked when we reached my blanket.
I shook my head. "No." I hated how weak my voice sounded.
As soon as my toes hit the sand, I grabbed my keys, then sprinted towards my car.
"Tati!"
I was only three steps away when he tackled me from behind. We crashed to the ground in a mixture of sand and arms and legs, grunts and an exhalation of breath, and pain and anger.