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I thought going to therapy was going to be relieving. Would be a happy, enlightening time in my life.
Instead, it was angry, all consuming, exhausting.
God, I was so tired.
My fingers dug into the tile, the dirt rough on my fingertips, the smell of piss and vomit filling my nose as I sobbed, sobbed, sobbed.
He was dead, I tried to tell myself, but my body, my heart, my soul, didn't care.
I was still shaking, my whole body trembling,don't move.The low growl of a voice.
I literally couldn't move, frozen from his venom and his whims as he hurt me.
"Tati?" A soft voice. A familiar voice, warped from time.
"Knight?" I couldn't believe it; I must be imagining him. It had been five months since Costa Rica.
Then, a soft touch, grasping me tightly but gently, pulling me up and into his arms. His body, so familiar, against mine as he cradled me.
"Knight. What are you doing here?"
"I've always been here." He held me, and the sobbing began again. "I'll always be here when you need me, my love." He kissed the top of my head. "My polva. Always."
I cried harder now, the pain and anger and sadness overflowing once more. I hated how much I'd missed him. How much I needed him in this moment.
"Always," he whispered against my skin, his fingers clasping me so tight and yet, so gently at the same time.
He held me for a long time, long after my sobs ebbed, my sadness draining until I could only stare at the grungy wall of the bathroom, both ignoring the knocks and then the pounding on the bathroom door.
Finally, I looked up, catching creek-brown eyes. "How did you know where I was?"
He pulled my hair behind my ear, his fingers gentle. "I've been following you since you left me."
"But?" I was so confused. "How come I've never seen you?"
A soft twist of a half-smile. "Give me some credit, Tati. I know how to be invisible when I need to be."
"But," I frowned, not understanding, "why?"
"I made a promise." Eyes determined. "I left you once, baby. Never again."
I blinked, for some reason, things were not sinking in. "Wait. So you've been following me this whole time? I ran away,monthsago."
He nodded. "Yes."
"Following me?"
"Yes."
"But." I could only stare in astonishment. "Why?"
"You know why, Tati."
"Tell me, Knight," I whispered. "I need to hear it."
His throat bobbed, the words stuck in his throat, but he forced them out through sensual lips. "Because I love you. Because I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Because I made the mistake of abandoning you once, and I will never make that mistake again."
"But..." repeating the word for what seemed like the billionth time, "I..." I could only stare at him in astonishment. Then, after a few stuttering thoughts, I managed to get my brain working. I shook my head. "I can't, Knight. I can't rely on you to get me through this. I need to do it on my own."