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The air smelled of chemicals and burned aluminum. The Banda music still played, its sound echoing through my ears like cymbals clashing.…Pero la puerta no es la culpable. Que tu por dentro estés llorando…
All around me, people moved like ants on a hill. Cluttered tabletops, filled with glass vials, plastic cups, and silver tanks lined the floor. There was trash everywhere, paper plates with white and red coloring littered the ground, along with empty beer and Mountain Dew bottles.
I felteverythingin that moment.
My blood rushing, my heart pounding.
Goosebumps across my skin.
Cramping in my stomach.
Hands clenching my arms, Antonio’s concerned face hovering over mine.
I was still on this mattress, and suddenly the peace I'd felt before was gone, replaced with a panic.
Antonio took a step back and my eyes fell to the Narcan in his hands.
What. The. Fuck.
I swallowed down the nausea lurching in my throat. Narcan?
"Did I die?" I asked, unable to hide the rage in my voice. I was so angry, my whole body was shaking. Ignoring the rest of the men surrounding me, I gripped his shirt, shaking him. "Did you fucking overdose me?”
"That's what he wants."
"Who?" I shook him, screaming. "Who wants me dead?”
Antonio shook his head. "He doesn't want you dead. He wants you to know what it feels like, to die and come back to life, but hate it that you're alive."
"What?!" I released his shirt, falling backward. "What are you talking about?"
“Who,” Antonio corrected. “You know who.”
What the hell was he talking about?
Another man walked up to Antonio, with thick eyebrows and a goatee. “He wants her to take another dose."
"It's too soon," Antonio answered.
"It doesn't matter," ugly goatee man held out his hand. In it was a needle with a brown liquid.
I scrambled backward, shaking. "No. You can't do this to me. I've been clean for years."
"Sorry," Antonio kneeled on the mattress, jerking his head towards me. Three other men joined him, including goatee man. I thrashed, screaming, throwing punches and kicking. "I have to do it."
They held me down as Antonio wrapped my arm, then inserted the needle under my skin, shooting heroin into my system.
A warmth washed over me and I was immediately cocooned with happiness. I smiled, relaxing against goatee man, who was still holding me.
"Fuck, that's dope," he slid his hand up my thigh, pulling my dress up with it.
"Get your fucking hands off her, you cunt," Antonio spit out.
The man let go of me, pushing me onto the mattress and raising his hands. “A’ight man. No need to get pissy over pussy."
Antonio jerked his head, arguing with him but I wasn't paying attention any longer. I was lost to the lightness around me, smiling as I buried my face into the mattress, no longer concerned with them.
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