Page 37 of Too Good to Be True

Rowan

D espite his request, his harsh words and everything that has happened in the last few days, I still show up at his door.

I have tried to go home, to think of myself as I did until a few weeks ago, to forget him and what we shared, but I think it is too late for all that.

I was already fucked before I even realised it.

What can I do now?

All I can do is beg for his forgiveness and hope that he will find it in his good heart to give me a second chance.

“What are you doing here?’ He asks me, his hand on the doorframe, his face tired, his eyes red as if he has cried too much and because of what I have done.

“I just… wanted to know how you are doing.”

“We’re managing. You shouldn’t have bothered to come all this way.”

“What a bother, Seth… What are you saying…”

“It’s late, I’d better…” He tries to close the door, but I stop it with my hand.

“Please, let me come home.”

“This is not your home. It never was.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I don’t think you really want to know what I’m thinking right now.”

“Seth…”

“Go away, Rowan. And please respect my decision just this once, and don’t come back.”

Seth shuts the door in my face, and all I have to do is accept my fate and return to my apartment, but just as I’m about to leave the landing, the door opens again.

“Emily?”

“Uncle Seth cries, locked in the bathroom.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, you don’t know how sorry I am.”

“Uncle Seth cried last night, too. All night long.”

I don’t know what to say except that I’m sorry, but I don’t think it makes any difference how many times I say it.

“I don’t want to hear him cry.”

“I don’t… I don’t know what to…”

“Do something. Please do something.”

“I’m trying.”

Logan and Mason appear in the doorway behind Emily’s back. Their hard looks tell me everything I need to hear.

“Try harder,” Mason tells me before calling his sister back inside.

“Logan,” I try, not even knowing what to add.

“It was never fiction to him. Not even for a moment. And for you?” He asks, not waiting for my answer. He goes back inside and closes the door, leaving me on their landing with an answer I’m not sure I’m ready to hear.

“GOOD MORNING, SETH. Good morning, guys,” I greet everyone in the corridors of the court.

“Hi, Uncle Rowan,” Emily says, hugging me briefly. She is the only one to respond to my greeting.

“How are you feeling?” I ask Seth.

He’s wearing a blue suit with a white shirt and a blue tie.

He’s damn handsome, his hair a bit messy and the face of someone who hasn’t slept all night.

I wish I could hold him and give him all the support he needs, tell him I’m there, one hundred percent, and that I’ll be with him no matter what, but I guess it’s too late for me now.

I have to let this family go their own way. Without me.

I was never part of it. Not even pretending to be. And I never will be.

“I’ve been better.”

I give him a weak smile, then signal for him to take his seat in the courtroom. Before he leaves with the kids, I take his hand to spend a few seconds with him.

“I just wanted to tell you that whatever happens, I am prepared to fight to the end, to appeal if necessary, but I swear I will find a way for the kids to stay with you.”

“That won’t be necessary.”

“What do you mean?”

“That from tomorrow you will no longer be my lawyer.”

He slips from my grasp and rejoins his family, leaving me speechless.

“A tough guy,” Paul approaches me along with Vanessa. “I didn’t expect that. He practically told you to fuck off. How does that feel?”

“Paul!” Vanessa retorts.

“It doesn’t matter, Vanessa, I think I deserve it.”

“Tell me about it! And do you know what else you deserve?”

“A punch in the face?”

Paul smiles at me. “You deserve to be happy with the person you love.”

“What…”

Vanessa smiles with her whole face. “Go get your family back,” she says before giving me a kiss on the cheek and going to sit with the kids.

“You’re both crazy,” I say uncomfortably, adjusting my tie.

“The only one who’s crazy here is you. We know it, you know it, even the judge figured it out! Why don’t you tell him so, and let’s cut the bullshit? You’re forty-two years old, for Christ’s sake! You might as well get your head straight, don’t you think?”

“I don’t… I… He doesn’t…” I sigh heavily before giving in. “He doesn’t want me anymore.” The revelation comes, in my mind and on my lips, more painful and final than ever.

Seth doesn’t want me anymore. I have hurt him. I betrayed his trust. And now I deserve his hatred. Even though I don’t believe that people like Seth are capable of such feelings.

“This is the mother of all bullshit! I mean… Have you seen the way he looks at you?”

I instinctively turn to him. Seth is still looking at me. It hurts to have his sad eyes on me. It hurts to know that I am the cause of his sadness. And it hurts even more to know that I can’t be the one to make them smile again.

“I hurt him. And he won’t forgive me.”

“And you give him something, something real, Rowan. Something to make him know that he is the only one for you. And that you want nothing more than to be with him.”

“HERE I AM, YOUR HONOUR, I apologise for the delay.”

I sit down next to Seth, who grabs me by the arm.

“Where have you been?”

“I had to… er… prepare for the grand finale.”

“What are you talking about?”

I stand up and clear my throat.

“What’s going on, Mr Kennedy?” The judge asks.

“I’d like to say a few words, Your Honour.”

“This again?” One of the opposing lawyers blurts out as he stands up. “Your Honour!”

“We’ve come to a reckoning, Mr Kennedy,” the judge tells me. “And in any case, I have already made my decision. Nothing you say is going to change my mind.”

“I beg to differ.”

“No more testimony, no more rallies, no more time wasted.”

“Your Honour, please…”

“Do not insult this court, Mr Kennedy.”

“Your Honour!” My voice thunders through the courtroom, drawing the attention of everyone present.

It’s now or never , I tell myself.

Either I win it all or I lose it all.

I adjust my bow tie, the one Seth gave me for my birthday, before turning to face him and the kids behind him.

“I’m in love.”

In the courtroom, a general exclamation of astonishment almost brings me to my knees.

“I am in love with these kids. I love them more than I probably should, and certainly less than they deserve. They have become my everyday life and my sleepless nights. They have become the reason I smile in the morning, and they have become the reason I believe in people again.”

Seth’s eyes fill with tears.

“And I believe this man. I believe him when he says he loves his children, and I believe him when he says they deserve better than him; I believe him when he says he’s doing his best, I believe him when he says he’s sorry for what happened in the past, I believe him when he says he's a different man today, and… When he says… That he would do anything for them. Your Honour, there is no finer man in the world than Seth Graham. More honest, more sincere. More selfless. There is no man on Earth who could love these children as much as he does. And I’m sure he’s going to mess up, and he’s going to make mistakes, but I’m also sure he’s going to make the best of them, because that’s what Seth Graham does.

He makes everything better. Colourful. Alive.

And so damn beautiful. And I am willing to vouch for him and help him in any way I can. If he wants it. If he wants me.”

“Are you telling me that you are part of this family again, Mr Kennedy?”

“Only if they want me to be, Your Honour.” I look at Seth. “Only if you want me.”

Seth doesn’t wipe away his tears. He lets them flow, as real as he is.

“I’m asking you to entrust the kids to us,” I say from the bottom of my heart.

“Why?” The question comes straight from Seth’s lips. Those lips that I had hoped to not seek with all my might, but that have become my refuge and my home.

“Because you can’t live without them, and I… I can no longer live without you.”

“You don’t want to believe this performance, Your Honour!” One of the lawyers stands up.

“You’re not going to tell me what to believe, lawyer. Sit down.”

“Your Honour, please give this family a chance.”

The judge watches me carefully for a few moments.

“You must really care about this case.”

“This is not a case, Your Honour.”

He nods slowly, then picks up his gavel and raises it.

“This Court finds in favour of Mr Graham. The children will be placed in the care of their uncle, Seth Graham, and his partner, Rowan Kennedy. This Court reserves the right to determine the terms of the care and to review the family’s situation on a monthly basis for a period of one year, after which Mr Graham and Mr Kennedy may, if they so wish, apply for permanent care and thereafter adopt the children. ”

“Oh my God, oh my God!” Seth stands up and turns to face the kids.

“This Court wishes you the best of luck, Mr Kennedy.”

“Thank you, Your Honour.”

“And… Mr Graham?”

“Yes, Your Honour?”

“Sometimes life gives you a second chance. And you seem to be making good use of it. Keep it up.”

“I will, Your Honour. Thank you very much.”

The kids pounce on Seth, almost knocking him to the ground.

“You mean no one’s going to take us away?” Emily asks, in Seth’s arms.

“No one, sweetheart.”

Mason breaks away from his uncle and siblings and comes over to me.

“You did it. You kept your promise.”

I nod. Emotion cuts through my voice.

Mason throws himself at me and hugs me tightly. “Thank you.”

“All right, all right.”

Mason lets me go and joins his siblings. Seth asks the kids to give us a minute and they leave with the others.

“What did you do…” Seth puts a hand to his mouth. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me you believe me.” I take a step towards him. “Tell me you forgive me.” Another step, my hand brushes across his face. “Tell me you love me. Because I… I love you so damn much.”

His eyes shine brighter than ever.

“Yes, all three.”

“God, thank you!”

I pull him to me and kiss him immediately. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

“Please let me come home. I want to be with you. I want… I want…”

“Do you want to be part of the family?”

“Only if you want me. I don’t want to impose my presence and…” Seth rises on his toes, grabs my jacket and kisses me. The taste of his tears mixes with the warmth of his mouth.

“Was that a yes by any chance?”

“It was, Mr Kennedy.”

I hold him close and breathe in his scent, as if afraid it will fade from my lungs and my mind.

“You succeeded.” Seth slowly releases our embrace. “I don't know what… You were great, and the things you said…”

“They were only the truth. I swear.”

“You could feel that they were sincere, that they came from your heart.”

“You inspired me.”

“That’s not true…”

“You. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known. Please, Seth, don’t ever change. You are perfect. You are… You are the true marvel.”

“Please stop.”

“No, I will never stop saying that.”

“What are you… Are you… Are you my miracle?”

“No.” I place my hands on his face, hope shining in his eyes, my heart filled with love—so much love. Everything I have is for him, for them, for this life they have offered me, for this dream they have granted me. “You are mine.”