Page 24 of Too Good to Be True

Rowan

“ S o,” I sit down next to Logan after dinner, an herbal tea for me and one for him. “Let’s have a look at this list.”

I promised him I would help him with the science fair.

I wasn’t bad at school. I was good at several subjects. Science was one of them, but then I took a different path.

I cooked for them tonight. Seth is at the club and Mr Yang has something to do.

I didn’t even have to think about it. After all, I live here.

I was going to be with them anyway. Paul had even offered to come and keep me company—or rescue me, as he preferred to say. But I told him I’d be fine on my own.

He implied that I was getting a bit too involved in the role. My response was a heartfelt ‘fuck off’.

“I don’t know why they force me to choose such uninspiring subjects. My brain needs to work at full speed. It needs challenges.”

“It’s not always a competition, you know?” Mason sits with us.

“Is that what you’re saying as part of the rugby team?”

Mason shrugs. “We’re a team, we play to get the result, that’s true, but it’s different. We are competing in a tournament.”

“An inter-school tournament?” I ask, interested.

I also played rugby at school as a kid. I also played hurling. I wasn’t very good at sports, let’s say I used to be beaten a lot. I was quite skinny and I had no muscles. Those came a few years later.

“Uh-huh,” Mason replies.

“So, there are official matches?”

“Every two weeks.”

“And, uhm, does your uncle come to them?”

“Mason has forbidden him,” Emily joins us in the kitchen.

I look at Mason and wait for an explanation.

“It’s embarrassing,” he says, his eyes looking down.

“Embarrassing? And why is that?”

“Well, first, he gets too enthusiastic.” I can easily imagine. “And then he shouts my name in the stands, even though I’m not the one with the ball. And he starts telling everyone that I’m his nephew and that I’m a champion and that he changed my nappies and that…”

“What?”

“That he’s proud of me.”

I smile. I understand that the first part can be embarrassing for a teenager.

“I told him that if he couldn’t be composed, sit down, and most of all be quiet, he’d better stay home.”

“And how did he take that?”

“He said he understood,” Mason replies, but Emily’s expression changes.

“Is something wrong?” I ask her immediately.

“He cried.”

“Who?”

“Uncle Seth,” she says, then pulls her lips together in a grimace.

“What are you talking about?” Mason asks his sister.

“When you told him those things, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried,” Logan chimes in. Mason’s eyes glare at him. “Then Mr Yang comforted him. We didn’t tell you because Uncle Seth didn’t want you to feel bad. He told Mr Yang that it wasn’t your fault, that he was the one who…”

“What?” Mason asks worriedly.

Logan gives me a look, then lowers his eyes again. “Wrong.”

The word echoes through the walls of the kitchen.

I watch Mason stand there in silence, absorbing the revelation, his siblings not looking up from the table, and my own guilt for bringing it up and contributing to his.

“Mason,” I try, but he jerks up and leaves the kitchen.

“You shouldn’t have said that,” Emily quickly shoots back at Logan for speaking out.

“I didn't want to lie to Mason. Besides, Uncle Seth was upset about it for days. You could tell he was hurting. I don’t know how Mason didn’t notice.”

I don’t know if I have the right to say anything, but it’s certainly my duty to make sure that Mason is okay.

“I’ll be right back.”

I get up, walk to Mason’s room and knock on the door. “I’m Rowan. May I come in?”

“Do what you like.”

The beginning is not good.

“Hey,” I stick my head in. “You OK?”

Mason is sitting on the bed, his back to the wall, the rugby ball in his hands.

“Can I join you?”

He shrugs, which I take as an agreement, and I go in. I walk over to the bed, but don’t feel like sitting down, so I pull the chair over to the desk and make myself comfortable. The room is really small, Seth had told me. I had never been in it before.

“You’ve made yourself at home here.” I look around. On the walls is an autographed national team jersey, some pictures of the players, a calendar that had stopped six months ago, and a family photo of Mason and his siblings with their parents. “Seth told me this was the sewing room.”

Mason spins the ball in the air without answering.

The sewing machine is now in the living room. I could tell it had been used in my absence because I found sequins on the floor, obviously left over from one of Seth’s jobs.

“He made all the clothes for our plays,” he says suddenly. “He also made clothes for other children at school. Mum wasn’t very good with a needle and thread, and Dad…” I hear him take a deep breath. “They were good at other things.”

“I’m sure of that.”

“I miss them. Uncle Seth is great, but they…”

“But they were your parents, Mason. No one is asking you to replace them or forget them.”

“I had them longer. I remember everything. I… I want them back here with me.”

“I know you do.”

“But I can’t say that and I can’t be sad, or Logan and Emily will realise that everything isn’t as good as I keep telling them it is.”

“You’re allowed to feel sad. You’ve lost someone too.”

“You don’t understand.” He picks up his nose, then wipes it with his arm.

“I had siblings too.”

Mason turns to look at me. “Had?”

I smile sadly.

“How many were there?”

“Five. I was the oldest. I used to protect them, just like you did with Logan and Emily.”

“And then what?”

“And then I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“What happened?”

I’m not sure if I should tell this kid my story, but he needs to vent and let go of all the pressure he feels for his siblings. It’s overwhelming for him.

“Our mother… She had problems.”

“What problems?”

“Let’s just say she could not take care of us. So they took us away. They separated us. I never heard from them again.”

Mason immediately feels alarmed.

“It was a different situation from this one, very different. We had no one to take care of us. We didn’t have an Uncle Seth who loved and cared for us so much. We were alone.”

“And were you placed with a family?”

“I was in a home. A foster home. My siblings had the same fate.”

“And did you find them?”

I sigh and slowly shake my head.

His expression becomes serious and worried.

“It won’t happen again, Mason. It won’t happen to you. That’s a promise.”

ON HIS RETURN, Seth finds me in bed, intent on reading the notes from my latest trial.

“Hey,” he smiles at me. “You’re up.”

I show him the papers.

“Don’t tell me this is about us.”

“It may sound strange to you, but I have other cases.”

“Of course, that’s not what I meant. I know you’re not all ours.”

The way he says it, that voice just a little deeper, almost makes me wish I were.

“I’ll leave you to your things. I’ll get out of your way…” He points at himself. “I’m covered in oil and glitter. Maybe I should sleep in the chair tonight.”

“And why would you do that?” I ask, my heart racing at the thought of Seth deciding to sleep away from me.

God, when did I get to this point?

“I wouldn’t want you to wake up tomorrow with something of mine on you.”

A shiver runs down my spine.

“I mean… You wouldn’t want to go to work covered in fairy dust, would you?”

I think about it for a moment. The pounding of my heart is so loud it hurts. Suddenly all I care about is feeling his soft breathing next to my face at night.

“I’ll take the risk.”

AS SETH SLIPS under the sheets, I take off my glasses and place them on the floor, along with the papers I’ve been reading. I rub my eyes with my fingers for a few moments, then open them and turn them to Seth.

“You’re tired.”

“No more than usual.”

“You work too much. You should give yourself more leisure time.”

“I go to the gym.”

“That’s not leisure, that’s discipline. You said that.”

I lie next to him, my arm under my head, my eyes fixed on his.

“What do you think I should do for leisure?”

“Go out, for example. With someone.”

“I go out with Paul sometimes.”

“I mean someone… Someone you care about.”

“Hmm…”

“A woman or a man…”

“I’m not seeing anyone,” I point out, in case there was any doubt.

“Oh…”

“And… er… you?”

“What do I do for leisure?”

“I mean… Are you… er… seeing someone?”

“Who has the time? Between my job, my second job, and my third job… And the kids, and my fake partner… When am I going to find a man to go out with?”

“So you’re just too busy?”

“I’m busy, it’s true, but I’m also… Tired. Tired of trying. I don’t know if you know what I mean.”

“I think I do.”

“It’s never enough. I’m never good enough.” He is silent for a while.

I wonder what could be wrong with this man. He seems perfect to me, in all his gorgeous imperfections.

Shit. I didn’t mean it that way.

“And now I’m pitying myself, aren’t I?”

“Not at all.”

He turns onto his back and sighs, looking at the ceiling. “I know there’s someone out there for me somewhere. It’s just that I’m tired of looking. I guess if something has to happen, sooner or later it will.” He just turns his head to the side, looking for me. “And you?”

“Me, what?”

“Don’t you want to find someone, have a family…”

“I always thought that certain things were not for me.”

“And do you still think that?”

I sigh heavily and roll over as well. I can’t tell him as I look into his eyes.

“Now I feel that way more than ever before.”

“Too many disappointments for you, too?”

I don’t want to tell him that I don’t believe in a family because mine fell apart.

I don’t want to tell him that I don’t believe in forever because I know that everything ends soon, especially love.

And I can’t tell him that since I’ve known him, I’ve begun to think that if there’s one exception in the world, I’d like it to be his.

“Something like that.”

“I’m sure there is something out there for you, too. You just have to trust your fate.”

Out there , he says. How do I explain it to him, now that I am beginning to fear that the something Seth is talking about is much closer than I think?

“Too much talk for tonight, don’t you think? We’d better get some rest. Or tomorrow you’ll be sleeping on that ab bench.”

I laugh. “Good night, Seth.”

He leans towards me. “Good night, Mr Kennedy.” His lips brush against my cheek. It is only a light touch, yet the warmth he radiates is so intense and reassuring that it lingers with me for the rest of the night.