Page 23 of Too Good to Be True

“Mark and Jillian went away for a weekend alone. Their first since Mason was born. They never wanted to leave the kids. They weren’t worried, it was just that…

That they were so close.” I wipe away a tear with my hand.

“It was their wedding anniversary. They wanted… They wanted a romantic getaway, and I immediately offered to stay with the children. I took two days off, got the house ready for their arrival… I was so excited.”

I wipe away more tears.

Rowan turns his head towards me, his arm brushing against mine under the sheets, his fingers searching intimately and gently for mine.

“I was at the supermarket shopping for them when I received the call. When I arrived at the hospital, they told me that Jillian had died in the ambulance and that Mark was in critical condition, not breathing on his own…” Tears stream down my face, but I don’t wipe them away; instead, I use my free hand to stifle my sobs.

“They took me to see him…” I pause for a moment. A new wave of pain washes over me.

Rowan turns on his side, his face a breath away from mine, his hand gently wiping away my tears for me. I turn too, his eyes shining and huge, as if they could feel my pain and anguish.

“He had a tube down his throat and… the machines and…” Rowan is now tenderly wiping away my tears with both hands. “They told me that his brain was… That he was gone. But I sat next to him and talked to him anyway, you know?”

“And what did you tell him?” He whispers as softly as he caresses my face.

“I told him it was OK. That he could go to Jillian and that I would look after everything here. That I loved him very much and that I would miss him like hell, but that I would make it work. For him and for the children. I told him I would be strong for all of them.”

Rowan gives me a smile of pure beauty before coming closer and planting a soft kiss on my forehead. I snuggle up against him and let him hold me, as if this one gesture of his invited me to cry in his arms, to let someone see me in my frightening and real fragility.

“I took his hand and waited for him to be ready. I was with him. I wanted to be with him. I didn’t want him to be alone.”

“You were brave. And strong.”

“I wasn’t. But I had to try. I didn’t want his last memory on this Earth to be his brother crying desperately at his bedside, begging him not to leave him.”

I pause and take a deep breath, then continue.

“I was the one who told the kids. They had to hear it from me. And I tried, I swear, to stay calm.”

“I’m sure you did your best.”

I pull out of his embrace and look at him. “That’s nice of you to say, but we both know it’s bullshit.”

Rowan laughs, a single glistening tear in his eyes.

“It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Their eyes, the pain, the tears… I was afraid I couldn’t do it.”

“And yet you did. You stood by them. You took care of them and you continue to do so every day.”

“It’s not easy to talk about this moment. I don’t think I’ve ever done it with anyone.”

“Thank you for sharing it with me.”

I give him a faint smile.

“It’s not good to keep your pain to yourself.”

I want to tell him that it is not good for him either, but I don’t want him to think that I am taking advantage of the moment to know all his secrets. Perhaps one day he will tell me. When he wants, if he wants, I will be here.

“You do your best, Seth. And the kids know it. And I’m sure Mark and Jillian know it, too.”

I close my eyes and take in his words. I don’t know why, but when he’s the one thinking and saying it, I believe it a little.

THE NEXT MORNING I get up to find Rowan just as eager to chat with the kids as he was the morning before.

“Good morning,” I greet everyone, a little embarrassed after the night I just spent in his arms.

“Good morning, Uncle Seth,” Emily quickly greets me. “Come sit down,” she pulls me to the table and makes me sit down. “I’ve already finished.” She picks up her bowl and carries it to the sink.

“We’re done too.” Mason and Logan stand up, mimicking Emily’s gestures. “Let’s get ready,” Mason says, taking the others with him.

Rowan and I are left alone in the unusual silence of my kitchen.

“Would you like some coffee?”

“Coffee. Absolutely.”

He walks over to the shelf and then turns. “Would you like me to show you how…” He points to the car he brought in yesterday.

“Yeah.” I walk to him, lean my hips against the shelf, and watch his movements.

“There are capsules for coffee, cappuccino, caramel latte…”

“I like that one.”

Rowan finally looks at me and smiles. “I thought you might. That’s why I bring it.”

“You did this for me? Do you know me that well?”

He hands me a cup. “Some people are easy to read.”

“And you think you know everything about me?”

Rowan makes his coffee, too, and then imitates my position.

“I think I understand the most important thing.”

“Oh yeah? Which is?”

He looks at me for a long moment, then curls his lips upward.

“That the kids are lucky to have you.”

I touch my chest with one hand.

“And that I will do everything I can to make sure they stay in your care.”

I can’t cry at this hour of the morning without having had a sip of my caramel latte.

“I don’t know what…” I lower my eyes, hoping to hide my emotions.

Rowan lifts my chin with two fingers.

“Last night…” His voice pierces my soul. “I know it was difficult for you.”

I nod slowly.

“I wish I could… I could do something to ease your pain.”

You’re already doing it. God, you’re doing it. Even though this might cause so much more pain.

“You are here and you are helping us more than any human being would do for strangers. Believe me. And I am eternally grateful to you, and so are the kids.”

“I’m just..’”

“Doing your job?”

He barely laughs. “Do you think I went a bit too far?”

I would say I’m dying to be in his arms again, but we should not say or force some things.

“I say you look good in grey too,” I allude to his shirt. “And I don’t like grey. It is the ultimate non-colour. But on you…” I pull away so I can linger my eyes over him. “Is there something that doesn’t suit you?”

“Stop it.”

“I’m sure the shorts of my uniform would fit you, too.”

“That’s not a uniform.” We distance ourselves from this overly intimate moment. “And I’m sure if I made a claim against your boss…”

“Please don’t. I need this job.”

“All I’m saying is that I could force him to change your uniforms. Add some extra fabric and a shirt.”

I laugh and walk away from the kitchen, sit on the table and drink some of my latte made by Rowan’s wonderful, strong, sweet hands that had caressed me last night.

“You’re getting a little too caught up in the role of the most jealous boyfriend.”

“I’m not jealous, not at all. I don’t even know what that word means.” I try not to dwell on the fact that he didn’t dwell on the ‘boyfriend’ part. “I’m just saying I could make his life miserable.”

Rowan reaches for me, holding his cup in his hands.

I step down from the table, leaving my own cup behind, and walk over to him.

I button the last two buttons of his shirt.

“I’m sure you would,” I say with a smile.

Standing on my toes, I plant a kiss on his cheek.

“And I have no doubt about your skills, Mr. Kennedy.”

I’m certain there are many.

And I will be sure to appreciate every single one of them.