Page 22 of Too Good to Be True

Seth

“ O h, good, you’re home!” I say to Rowan at the door.

“What’s going on?”

“We have an emergency.”

“An emergency?” He immediately follows me into the living room where I left Emily in tears with her brothers.

“What happened?” Rowan leaves the briefcase on the floor and then gets down on his knees. “Are you sick?”

Emily wipes her eyes and stares at him for a few moments, then goes back to crying in Mason’s arms.

“It’s OK, Em. We’re here,” her brother reassures her.

“Can someone tell me what’s going on?”

I ask Rowan to follow me into the kitchen. He gets up and follows me in silence.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“Brittany didn’t invite her to her birthday party.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“The most popular girl in class is having a big birthday party at the Leisureplex . Bowling, laser tag, and video games with unlimited chips and pizza. Everyone has been invited. She didn’t get her invitation.

She found out because Jenny, the girl sitting next to her, had put it in her lunch bag.

Emily saw it and Jenny couldn’t deny it.

Rowan scratches his head in confusion.

“She held back her tears all the way home, but I knew something was wrong. When we got back, she couldn’t hold it in and spilt the beans.”

Rowan turns to the living room where her brothers are trying to cheer her up.

“I understand it must not seem like a big drama in your eyes, but…” Rowan leaves me alone in the kitchen to go back to the boys.

“Hey.” He drops on his haunches again to speak at his own level. “Sorry about what happened today.”

Emily stops crying to stand up and look Rowan straight in the eye.

“I understand how you feel. It’s not nice to feel cut off. And it’s not nice that they did it, but you know what? It says a lot about who did it, not about you.”

“What does that mean?” Emily asks, sniffling.

“That there is nothing wrong with you,” Mason suggests, gently stroking her hair as Logan holds her hand.

“And I know there is nothing we can say to make you feel better right now, but I want you to know that we are here for you,” Rowan continues.

Emily wipes her eyes with her arm.

“And when you feel better, maybe we can go bowling or laser something…”

“Laser tag,” Mason helps him out.

“That, yes,” Rowan remarks, making my niece smile.

“All together?” Emily asks.

“Sure. All together.”

“That would be nice.”

“You know what else would be nice? Ordering a pizza for dinner. What do you think?”

“But Uncle Seth was cooking.”

Rowan turns to me. I have been crying for ten minutes.

“I’m sure Uncle Seth won’t be offended.”

“It wasn’t any good, anyway.”

Emily laughs, then watches Rowan for a few moments in silence, before wrapping her arms around his neck. Rowan immediately returns the gesture by holding her close, lovingly and securely, just as a father would.

“Thank you, Uncle Rowan.”

No one in the room has missed the name change.

“I’ve done nothing.”

Nothing? That’s what he says! He has just fucked up my whole world in one bloody evening.

And how do I get it back to the way it was now?

“How about washing your face? Uncle Seth and I will think about ordering dinner.”

“We’ll come with you,” Mason says before following Emily and his brother into the bathroom.

Rowan stands and turns to face me. I am enchanted by his gentleness, his confidence and those bewitchingly deep eyes that take a little piece of me every time they look at me.

“What…?”

I run to him and hug him too, just as Emily did. My arms wrap around his neck, gratitude in my gesture and despair in my heart that he will never recover from this imminent and inevitable disappointment.

Rowan takes a few seconds longer to return the gesture this time, but he does. His arms are as strong as I had imagined, and his hands on my back are as warm as I had dreamed. And his breath on my neck feels electrifying, just as I had hoped.

“Thank you.”

“You would have done well on your own.”

“I appreciate you saying that, but we both know it’s bullshit.”

Rowan loosens our grip, and I’m forced to do the same.

“You were already doing great before I got here.”

Great? I don’t think so. I can manage, sure. The real question is whether I’ll be able to do it again when he’s gone.

WE WERE EATING, sitting on the couch. Pizza boxes open on the coffee table, our drinks on the floor, Emily’s laughter filling the living room and my heart. We decided to play Pictionary, a game at which I am particularly bad and at which Rowan seems to excel.

Is there anything that man can’t do?

At least my desperate attempts to guess the words make Emily laugh. And that’s all that matters.

“Who wants ice cream?” Mason asks as he stands up. “And a break from all this?”

Emily still laughs and stands up immediately. “I want ice cream. And cookies too.”

“You’re not going to get sick like last time?” Logan asks, obviously worried that Emily will get sick in the night as she did the last time we had ice cream and cookies after dinner.

“I won’t have much of it. I promise.”

“Ice cream for everyone?” Mason asks, turning to Rowan. He knows a ‘no thanks, I’m full’ will never come from me.

“I’m fine,” Rowan says. “Thank you.”

My niblings go into the kitchen together, taking the leftovers with them. Rowan and I remain alone in the living room, their chatter coming from the kitchen, the familiar atmosphere of the evening enveloping us.

“I thought she would never stop crying and be sad all evening.”

Rowan shrugs. “Pizza works wonders.”

“You make some. For me,” I tell him, but quickly correct myself. “I mean, for her, for us… I mean, you know what I mean.”

“I’m just doing my job.”

“I don’t think being a lawyer means spending evenings on your client’s floor eating pizza and playing Pictionary.”

“I haven’t played anything like that since…” He thinks about it for a while, but then decides not to continue.

He doesn’t share anything about himself, and I’d really like to get to know him. To understand his past, to determine if the thought that he shows so much comes from a past wound that still hurts.

“I don’t want you to feel trapped, since you’re living here for the time being. We don’t want to interfere with your life, your habits.”

I say this even though I wish the opposite. I wish I could disrupt his life, fill it with colour, music, glitter and chaos.

He gives me a half-hearted smile. “I think it’s a bit late for that.”

I open my mouth to reply, but the children come back with ice cream.

“Thank you, darling,” I say to Emily as she hands me my bowl. “Are you sure you don’t want any?” I ask Rowan, showing him my ice cream. “Chocolate and strawberry, with cookies.”

“I’m sure, thank you.”

“Then again, you’ve already given up with the pizza, I understand that.” I shove a huge spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

Rowan laughs softly.

“You don’t know what you’re missing,” I say, mouth full.

“It doesn’t affect me at all, you know? I come from a strict diet and sporting discipline. I’m used to it.”

“Discipline? I don’t even know what that means.”

Rowan laughs again before standing.

“I’m going to make some herbal tea, if you don’t mind.”

“Do we have any herbal tea in the house?”

Mr Yang usually brings his herbs when he makes a hot drink.

“I brought those with me, including the coffee machine and other items you needed.”

I get up too, very interested, and follow him into the kitchen. I hadn’t noticed the box on the floor.

“I’m curious now,” I admit, shoving more ice cream into my mouth.

Rowan effortlessly lifts the box and sets it on the table, then begins to reveal its contents.

“What’s that?” I point with my spoon at a strange device that looks like a modern blender.

“It’s for my shakes.” He shows me a container. “Protein.” He also pulls out a bag of fruit and vegetables. “I didn’t know what you had here. It’s my habit to have a protein shake for breakfast after my usual run.”

“So no coffee, bacon, sausages…”

“Coffee, sure, after the shower or when I get to the office. As for the rest… No, I don’t eat these foods, but at the weekend I make protein pancakes with fresh fruit, or even omelettes with egg whites and vegetables.”

“It all sounds very challenging.”

“It is.”

“You really take care of your body.”

He nods as he finishes emptying the box.

“I’m sorry if we’re disrupting your routine.”

“You’re not.”

“I even put ice cream right under your nose!”

Rowan laughs. “I didn’t do anything I didn’t want to do, Seth. Besides, I’m not a robot. Everyone deserves breaks from the routine—moments of absolute freedom.”

“Like stew?”

His eyes snap to mine, serious and watchful, as if what we shared in bed could not be shared elsewhere, as if the moment we allowed ourselves to look into each other’s souls belonged to others and not to us.

He lowers his eyes and shrugs. Just as I am about to apologise for bringing it up, Rowan speaks again.

“Like stew.”

The fact that he answered me does not make me feel better. His tone has changed. His posture has stiffened. And he seems a thousand miles away from this house, from this family, from me.

WHEN WE GO to bed, we are still far apart, and not just physically. We lie on opposite sides of the bed, turned away from each other, treating our sides of the bed as forbidden territory.

I don’t like this situation and I don’t like the fact that I’ve made him feel uncomfortable.

He shared something very intimate and secret with me, trusting my discretion and sensitivity.

I understand that this was an important step for him.

I also feel that I owe him a part of me that no one knows.

I feel that I need him to approach me in the same way that I approach him.

“When it happened... When the incident happened, I was the first to be contacted.”

Rowan shifts onto his back.