Page 13 of Too Good to Be True

Rowan

“ O h my God, oh my God.” Seth continues to breathe with the help of a paper bag, between one ‘Oh my God’ and another. “We lied to a judge. We will be charged with perjury.”

“We’re not going to be charged with anything.”

“You’re right.” Seth lets go of the bag. “You,” he says, rising from his chair and pointing a finger at me. “You will be charged. You… Oh, my God.” He leans back and picks up the bag.

“Just think about breathing for now.”

Seth nods, envelope in hand.

“What the hell…” Paul says between his teeth but freezes when I point my head at Seth. Paul grabs my arm and pulls me towards the door of an empty courtroom, where we’ve practically hidden. “What were you thinking?”

“It was instinctive.”

“Instinct, you say?”

“The judge had already made up his mind, Paul. Nothing would change it.”

“You could have let that go and concentrated on the trial.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then explain.”

“Those eyes… Fear…” I close my own eyes at the mere thought of the children being taken from their home, placed who knows where, and inevitably separated. I open them again and stare into my friend’s. “I couldn’t let that happen.”

Paul looks at me sympathetically. He knows exactly what I am talking about.

“I understand, man, I do... But lying? Pretending to have a relationship with him?” He points at Seth with his hand. “We’re way beyond defending a client here and beyond anything else.”

I loosen my tie to get more air. The thought of what I just did becomes a frightening reality. “It was the only thing I could come up with.”

“What…” Seth stands up and joins us. “What do we do now?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do we behave?” He asks again.

“I don’t know.”

“Should we… pretend… to be a couple? And… pretend to get married? Or do we have to do it for real?”

“I don’t know.”

Seth frowns. “Do you know anything?”

“I know I couldn’t have stood it another second.”

Seth opens his eyes wide in surprise. Thankfully, he doesn’t ask what I mean. He nods slowly, then takes a deep breath to regain his composure.

“We need a plan,” he says.

“I think it’s an excellent idea,” I agree. “And we’ll do it right away.”

I reach for my briefcase, open it and pull out a notepad, ready for action.

“You know you must live under the same roof, right?” Paul informs us. “If you want this charade to last.”

Seth and I look at each other instinctively.

“Maybe I’d better leave you two alone.” Paul backs away slowly, then opens the door and disappears into the corridors of the courthouse, leaving Seth and me with the knowledge that we are totally screwed.

“You haven’t thought this thing through. You know that?”

“I’m aware of that.”

“I would have expected that from me, not you.”

“Even we lawyers are impulsive sometimes.”

And stupid. Very stupid.

“We will never give it to anyone. They will arrest me. They will arrest us both.”

“We won’t be arrested, Seth.”

“And the children… God, the children!”

“We can do this,” I say, although my tone is anything but reassuring.

“And how?” Seth begins to pace the room nervously. ‘You saw me, and you saw you?” He points at both of us alternately. “You’re not even… Gay! How are you going to…”

“B-bi.” I make a sound, maybe. My fingers spread the collar of my shirt.

“I beg your pardon?”

I clear my throat. “Bisexual. I’m bisexual.”

“Oh.” Seth looks more surprised than I expected. “Since when?”

“Since always.”

“And you’re just telling me now?”

“Why would I have told you before?”

“You mean it’s something… Private?”

“It’s not a secret if that’s what you mean.”

“Well, it was to me.”

“It’s not like I tell everyone I meet, especially clients.”

“No, of course, I understand…” He looks nervous, more nervous than before.

My explanation has not reassured him at all.

It seems to have done more harm than good.

“We won’t fool anyone anyway, even if you did go around flaunting your sexuality to the four winds.

Nobody would ever believe that someone like you could be with someone like me. ”

I’m not sure I quite understand what that means. OK, we are different; a couple—hell, did I really use that term?—Unlikely, but not impossible.

“Oh my God.” Seth puts his head in his hands. “This is getting big and complicated, too complicated for me. You know I’m not good with pressure, lies, and fear. I’m such a mess with it!”

“Listen.” I put my hands on his shoulders. “We’ll find a solution to this big mess.”

“Mess you provoked,” Seth adds.

I smile.

“I’d like to clarify that.”

“Mess I caused and all by myself.”

Even Seth is smiling now. “Thank you for saying that.”

“Does it make you feel better?”

“No, but it’s a start.”

“A start… All right.”

Seth sighs.

“You have to trust me, Seth, OK? I know it seems like a big mess right now, and I don’t have a plan yet, but you have to trust me and let me handle this.”

He nods slowly. “I trust you.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s not like I have a choice anymore.”

“That’s not very encouraging. But I’ll take it.”

Seth’s face becomes extremely serious. “We are in your hands, Mr Kennedy. All four of us.”

His eyes, his voice, and his hands slowly take mine.

There is something in me that screams to stay out of this, to focus only on the result, to be distant and not let the sweetness of his gaze or his gentle prayer dig something out of me, but there is something in him, something that whispers, asking you to believe and to stay.

Something that I know will only lead us to complicate everything and risk everything.

“Don’t leave us now. We…” A tear slowly caresses her face until it stops at the corner of her mouth. “We need you.”

I know it, and I feel it. And not just through his words. Or the way his fingers gently squeeze mine. I feel it in my whole body, like a call, like something you know you must run from to survive, but you can't help answering.

This family needs me, and I want to do it for some absurd and hidden reason. I want to help them with all the means at my disposal.

“I am here for you, Seth. I will not abandon you.”

WHEN WE EXIT the room where we had hidden, we find the kids, Paul, Mr Yang, and Ross, waiting for us.

“There you are!” Seth walks up to them, kneels in front of Emily sitting on a wooden bench and takes her hands. “It’s all right. We can go home, right, Rowan?” Seth asks in confirmation.

“Absolutely.”

“Won’t they take us away?” Her voice is thin, frightened.

“No, sweetheart. You come home with me.”

“Forever?” Emily asks again.

“Well, darling… Why don’t we start with today?”

Emily’s eyes fill with tears. “You promised we would never be separated.”

I instinctively close my eyes to hear these words. Words that echo, that scratch, words that come back to life even though I tried to bury them so many years ago in a remote place in my mind.

“I did it, honey.” Now, even Seth’s voice gives way. “And I will do everything I can to keep my promise.”

Emily looks at me. Her bright, fearful eyes say more than words.

“And will you get married?”

“Oh, well…” Seth turns to me for help.

“That’s still to be decided,” I say vaguely.

“But are you together?” Logan asks.

“Together… er…” Seth starts to fidget. “It’s a bit of a complicated matter that needs to be discussed calmly.”

“Tonight,” I suggest instinctively. “At dinner.”

“Sure,” he says doubtfully. “We can have dinner at our place. At home.”

I consider the suggestion for a few moments, then decline. “I don’t think you should cook,” I say, making everyone laugh. “Let’s go out, shall we? To an Italian restaurant. They do great lasagne and pizza.”

“Pizza!” Emily jumps to her feet in excitement.

“What do you say, Seth?”

Seth looks at me. And it is the same as before. Full of hope, gratitude and something more.

“Thank you,” he whispers before his lips curve into a full smile.

“Mr Kennedy?” someone calls me.

I turn. “It’s me.”

“Judge McDonald would like to see you. In his office.”

“I’ll be right with him.”

“What’s going on?” Seth asks immediately.

I adjust my tie, displaying a confidence I do not possess now. “Surely he wants to discuss terms.”

“Terms? What terms are we talking about?”

“You don’t have to worry,” Paul interjects to help me. “Rowan’s got everything under control. Right?” My friend turns to me. He doesn’t look too convinced, either.

“Absolutely.” I take a breath and pick up my bag. “You don’t have to worry about a thing. I know exactly what I'm doing.”

“DO YOU HAVE ANY idea what you are doing?” The judge asks me angrily, his brow furrowed as soon as I set foot in his office.

“Won’t the opposing lawyers join us?”

“Sit down.”

I obey immediately.

“I wanted to talk to you face to face before this gets out of hand.”

“I don’t understand what you…”

“Stop it! I know very well what you think you can do.”

Good that he knows! I am groping in the dark.

“But you will not mock this court.”

“With all due respect…”

He nods at me, suggesting that I should stop, then leans back in his chair.

“Do you know how many cases like this have passed before my eyes in the past years?”

“I can only imagine.”

“And do you know how many of them were as desperate as yours?”

I shake my head slowly.

“Ninety per cent of them. And do you know why?”

I remain silent.

“When it comes to children, Mr Kennedy, there is not always a right or wrong choice.”

“Judge…”

“You and your client are not a couple.”

“If you are questioning my claims based on sexual orientation, I can?—”

“Do you know how much I care about your sexual orientation?”

I do not answer, of course. I don’t want to upset him any more.

“The only thing I care about is enforcing the law.”

“I thought the most important thing was the well-being of the children.”

He looks at me sideways. “We’re here to make sure of that.”

“If you have any doubts about my client…”

“If I have any doubts, Mr Kennedy? You only have to read two pages of his file to realise that this man is not the father these children need.”

“Allow me to disagree.”

“And allow me to give you some advice.”

I remain silent, and the judge continues.

“Think about your career; think about your life. Think about how many people you won’t be able to help after this thing blows up in your face because it will, Mr Kennedy, and in the worst way. And it will destroy the lives of these children. And it will be all your fault.”

I remain motionless, impassive, even though the knot in my tie is taking my pulse and breath away, even though I know the judge’s words are most likely just the truth.

“Are you prepared to live with this guilt?”

I clear my now parched throat and stand up, adjusting my jacket. “If there is nothing else…”

The judge sighs heavily.

“If this is the way you want to proceed…” He shakes his head several times in denial. “This court needs proof of your commitment, documentation, and something official to consider.”

“You will have everything, judge. You have my word.”