Page 34 of Too Good to Be True

Rowan

“ C an you tell us the nature of your relationship with Mr Graham?” The opposing lawyer asks his witness.

“We had an affair.”

I clench my fists on the table.

“So the nature of the relationship was…”

“Sexual,” he says without blinking.

“And can you tell us how you met?”

“We met at my sister Jillian’s wedding.”

“Please, continue.”

“Your Honour!” I stand up. “I don’t see how my client’s past relationships have anything to do with his parenting skills.”

“The nature of the witness’ relationship with Mr Graham defines his personality, Your Honour.”

“Sit down, Mr Kennedy,” he says. “We haven’t heard anything yet.”

I do as the judge says.

“Don’t overdo it,” the judge warns the opposing lawyer. “And try to get to the point.”

“Of course, Your Honour. It will be done. Thank you for your understanding.”

“Arse-kisser,” Paul says between his teeth, behind me.

“Mr McCormack, can you briefly tell us what happened the day you and Mr Graham first met?”

“Sure.” The witness looks at Seth, who lowers his head in response. “Although I’m embarrassed, very embarrassed.”

“Your Honour!” I stand up again.

“We don’t want to hear any details, Mr McCormack,” the judge says.

“Oh, but I wasn’t referring to those kinds of details, Your Honour, I would never allow myself to offend this court in that way.”

“The arse-kissers are two,” Paul says again behind my back.

“I was referring to what we did, something that… Something that still keeps me awake at night. Something I am so ashamed of.”

“Please go on,” the lawyer invites him to continue, and I am forced to sit and listen.

“During the wedding reception of my sister and Mr. Graham’s brother, we became, shall we say, closer. We discovered that we had something in common.”

I look at Seth, whose eyes are now closed, tears streaming down his face.

“Addiction, Your Honour.”

“Be more specific.”

“I was addicted to alcohol and painkillers. You see, I had an accident that left me with excruciating back pain.”

“Go on,” the judge prompted.

“Sure, sure… Seth, I mean Mr Graham, on the other hand, confessed to me that he would do anything to be… How shall I put it… elsewhere.”

I don’t know where this story is going, but I have the impression that nothing will remain after listening to it.

“We were both high and drunk. We got… er… closer during the party. And we, well…” He looks at the judge. “Consummated a sexual encounter.”

“And where did that happen, if I may?” the lawyer asks.

I do not have time to stand up to object that Mr McCormack has already opened his mouth. “In the wedding suit.”

I look at the table of the opposing party. The lawyers sitting next to Mrs McCormack are satisfied with their work; she is impassive, in the same position since the beginning of the day, with the same expression.

I wish I dared to look at Seth, too, but the disappointment mixed with anger that takes hold of me does not allow me to do so.“And what else happened?”

“We got high again. And we danced and drank… We were completely wasted and out of control. We decided to leave the reception, which was too boring for us, and continue our private party somewhere else, but we needed money to do that.”

I lean my back against the chair behind me, my arms resting on the armrests, my breath short, anxious to know the end of this story.

“So we stole the wedding gifts.”

In the courtroom, the silence that precedes defeat.

“We spent the cash gifts immediately on a motel room and more drugs and alcohol. We sold the rest to a junk dealer for a little over two thousand euros.”

I can’t look at Seth. I can’t even move. I don’t even know if I’m still breathing or if something is still beating in my chest.

“We stayed in that room for a week. We never went out. We drank and drank ourselves into a state of confusion. And when we recovered, we did it again. And again. And again. We consumed sex during that week. I don’t know how many times, but I know it happened, I know because when I came to my senses…

” He looks at the judge again, who slowly shakes his head in denial.

“When our supplies ran out, Mr Graham disappeared. I never heard from him again. Let’s just say I haven’t had an easy few years. ”

“We can only imagine,” the lawyer says in that tone of mock sympathy.

“I do know, however, that Mr Graham has also been in and out of rehab several times.”

“Your Honour!” I stand up. “My client has been clean for over thirteen years, as you can see from the documents we have submitted. There is no evidence to the contrary. What are we doing here? I don’t understand the point of this testimony.”

“When I heard that the children had been entrusted to Mr Graham…” The witness continues, shaking his head.

“You see, Your Honour, I’m no saint, I never have been, and I’ll probably keep falling back into the same spiral of self-destruction I’ve been wallowing in for the last twenty years, but Mr Graham…

” He turns to look at Seth. “He is no less. He is just like me.”

AS MR. MCCORMACK rises to return to his seat, and the judge adjourns the court until tomorrow.

“We all need a moment before we continue,” he says. His hard eyes fixed on me.

I waited until everyone had left the courtroom, including the children. I sat in my seat, calm, Seth standing next to me, waiting. He just asked Mr Yang and Ross to take the kids away, then fell silent.

Paul was the last to leave. I had a feeling he didn’t want to leave me alone with Seth, so he told me he’d be waiting by the door.

I don’t know how long it will be before I have the courage to look at him again after what I heard about him in court today, and I don’t know how he can find the courage to look me in the eye and sell me his sob story, which is nothing more than the same old story of a drug addict who will do anything to get high, who knows no end and who has no dignity.

I can’t believe that the person described by that man is the same one who held me close at night, who gave me sweetness, security, and the feeling of having found a place to call home.

“How could you… How could you lie like that? Lie to me.”

“Rowan…” His voice weak, his throat full of tears. “Let me…”

“I don’t know if I want to hear what you have to say.”

“I understand that things seem terrible, and they are, I’m aware of that, I don’t want justifications, I have no right to them.”

“No,” I turn to him. “You don’t.”

Seth holds my gaze for more seconds than I could in his place, then lowers his head.

“What I heard today… There are not enough words to express my disappointment.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s not enough.”

“Please…”

“I don’t want to hear another word. I have this other mess to clean up.”

“This other mess?” Seth asks, his voice shaking. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

“Oh… of course. I’m the one who only makes disasters.”

I take off my glasses and throw them on the table. “You know I don’t like surprises.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Stop apologising!” I raise my voice and stand up. “I’ve told you so many times that you have to be prepared, play ahead. Instead, I am confronted with lies and omissions.”

“I… I am sorry,” he says again, his lip trembling and tears streaming down his face.

“A lifetime of apologies for such a reprehensible act would not be enough.” I shake my head vigorously. “I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“Hey,” Paul puts a hand on my shoulder. He must have heard me raise my voice. “Why don’t we all take a break?”

“Because the judge only gave us half a day. The hearing resumes tomorrow morning, and I need to have a good excuse for my client’s behaviour.”

“I’m on it.”

Paul and I turn to Seth, whom I have just defined as my client. I was late in realising what I had said, but I had done it.

“I’ll speak tomorrow.”

“I really don’t think so.”

“You really don’t want to trust me, do you?”

Paul takes my arm, as if to stop me from saying something I will regret.

“They’re my children.”

I sigh, heavy.

“Let me take care of this. For once. Leave it to me.”

“I don’t know if I can trust you.”

Pain crosses his eyes and stings my chest at the same time.

I have said it. I cannot take it back or erase it.

And the worst part is that I truly believe I mean it.

“In that case, I don’t know if you can be my lawyer anymore.”

I don’t know if his words or mine hurt more, I just know that I now understand what it’s like to have your heart broken a second time.

I slept in my apartment last night. Or at least I tried to. Being away from him and his house, from the kids, after what we said to each other and the way we left each other, was an agony with no rest and no end, which caused me to arrive at the courthouse a good two hours early this morning.

Paul also arrived early. And Vanessa with him. I’d say my friends know me well. None of them seemed at all surprised to find me sitting here, ready, or almost ready, to listen to Seth’s words.

I didn’t want him to speak, but I had no choice. I could not allow him to remain without a lawyer. I couldn’t allow anyone else to take my place.

No one has this family’s best interests at heart more than I do.

Seth and the kids arrived at the court on time. I asked Seth if the boys should hear his story, but he told me that he didn’t want to keep secrets from his family and that he wanted to learn not to be ashamed of what he had been.

I could not object.

He was determined. And terribly serious. And a thousand breaths away from me.

That hurt even more than his words. I think I deserved it.

When Seth sits down at the bench, next to the judge, I feel so sick to my stomach that I am almost afraid to throw up on my table. I have never been so nervous about a case as I am now, not even during my first trials.

And I have never been so afraid of losing as I am right now.

“I know you asked to address this court,” the judge said.

“Yes, Your Honour. I would like to explain.”

“Are you referring to the facts presented here yesterday by Mr McCormack?”

“Just those.”