Page 16 of Too Good to Be True

Rowan

S eth comes running up to me at the door of Judge McDonald’s office.

“You’re late,” I say quickly. I am irritated.

“I’m sorry.”

“An apology is not enough, Seth,” I tell him, harder than necessary and probably than he deserves.

“Sure, you’re right.” He lowers his gaze. “I’ll try to do better next time.”

“The judge is waiting for us,” I cut him off. I reach into my jacket pocket and pull out a tie.

“The tie, right.” Seth shakes his head vigorously. “I’m… a mess.”

I fix the tie around his neck, then lift the collar of his shirt and slide it over him; a few movements, his rapid breathing that makes my fingers tremble, the feeling of having gone too far for no reason at all, and that inexplicable thrill of excitement that runs through me every time we’re this close.

I adjust the collar again and then, without realising it, my hands slide down his chest, caressing the silky fabric of his shirt.

“Now you’re… er… good.”

I take a step back as I hear Seth gasp for air.

“Are you ready?”

“If you are.”

I thought I was until a few minutes ago. Then you appeared before me, handsome and messy as ever.

“Take a deep breath,” I urge him, and then I knock on the office's door. When I hear him asking to come in, I open the door and signal for Seth to go first.

He smiles shyly at me, then takes a seat in the office, followed by me.

“Oh,” the judge stands up. “The happy couple.”

“G-good morning, Your Honour,” Seth stutters in greeting.

“Judge,” I nod in greeting. The judge motions for us to sit down and we obey.

“Shall we get this farce over with?”

“I beg your pardon?” Seth asks.

I instinctively put a hand on his thigh to stop him from saying anything else.

“Judge McDonald…”

“Spare me the bullshit, Mr Kennedy. We are not in my courtroom in an official capacity.”

“OK.”

“I’m here to offer you a way out before this disaster blows up in your faces.”

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

The judge leans back in his chair, elbows on the armrests, fingers crossed in front of his face.

“We know very well that you two are not a couple, that you are not getting married, and that you will never be a part of these children’s lives except during this brief court hearing.”

“Judge…”

He raises his hand to silence me.

“I will not allow you to offend my courtroom.”

“Offend?” Seth asks, his hand on his chest.

The judge looks at Seth. “That’s not how you get custody of your niblings, Mr Graham. And it is certainly not the way to impress this court in a positive way.”

The judge straightens up, then stands and walks to the window of his office.

“There is no way to say this.” He turns to us. “I will not grant you custody of your niblings, Mr Graham.”

“But they… But I…” I brush against Seth’s arm and look at him. He quickly realises he has to let me handle it.

“With all due respect, Judge, I think you’re wrong.”

“Really?” He raises both eyebrows.

“My client is perfectly capable of looking after his niblings. He has everything those children need.”

“Save those speeches for my courtroom.” The judge walks back to us and sits down on his desk.

“We can get on with the case and you, Mr Kennedy, can explain your client’s situation to me as you see fit, but I think even you know that entrusting these children to Mr Graham would be the wrong decision for them. ”

“If I am here to defend Mr Graham, Judge, it is because I believe in this case.”

“Do you believe in it enough to become part of it?”

I will not answer his question. At this point, it might be best not to be too direct.

The judge rubs his chin with two fingers. “I have a proposal for your consideration.”

“A proposal? What proposal?” Seth asks immediately.

“If you give up pursuing this farce of a couple, I agree to review Mr Graham’s case, say… in six months.”

“Oh well, that sounds like a good proposal,” Seth says, looking at me.

I raise my hand to ask him to wait to sing victory.

“In those six months, Mr Graham will have to work hard to prove to this court that he is a fit parent for this role.”

“I can absolutely do that.” Seth shifts nervously in his chair.

“Find a stable job that doesn’t take him away at night and allows him to provide for the needs of three children; find a bigger house that will give the children the space they need to grow up.”

“Of course,” Seth sounds less confident. “I will try to do all these things, judge, I promise.”

“I’m not finished.”

Seth nods.

“He will have to attend a support group for former drug addicts and this court will assign and supervise a course for foster parents.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Good. That’s what I was hoping to hear.”

“What will happen to the children during these six months?” I am the one asking what Seth has not considered.

The judge looks at me. “The children will be removed from Mr Graham's house during the time granted by this court…”

“What? No!” Seth stands up immediately.

“And placed with social services until Mrs Cormack’s suitability has been determined…”

“He can’t do that! Can he, Rowan?” Seth looks at me, his expression contrite, tears in his eyes.

“Mr. Graham will receive visitation rights equivalent to one weekend a month.”

“Oh my God!”

“At the end of the stipulated period, and after establishing the new conditions, Mr Graham may apply to this official court for custody.”

“You can’t take the children away from me, please...”

The judge continues regardless of Seth’s desperation, which, on the contrary, takes a fair share of my mind and… something else.

“If the application is unsuccessful, Mrs McCormack can apply for sole custody and later legally adopt the children.”

“That’s not really happening.” Seth slumps back in his chair.

“Judge…” I interrupt.

“This is my proposal, Mr Kennedy. I suggest you discuss it with your client and?—”

“No discussion needed, judge.” I stand up and calmly straighten my jacket. “We respectfully decline your proposal and decide to proceed with the case.”

Seth lifts his head slowly. I feel his eyes on me, his hope and despair.

“Mr Kennedy…”

“We have no intention of giving up on these children, Judge McDonald. Not without a fight.”

LEFT THE JUDGE’S OFFICE, Seth and I sit down in a local coffee shop to catch our breath and try to figure out how to move forward from here.

“I can’t believe it,” Seth says, still shaken, his cappuccino sitting untouched under his nose. “It’s all so absurd.”

Actually, it is not. The judge’s suggestion is practical, but I don’t tell Seth. I don’t think he can help.

“This is a nightmare.” He rubs his face with one hand. He looks exhausted. This is not the usual face I’m used to seeing. “I’m going to lose them anyway, aren’t I? Whether I accept the judge’s proposal?”

I wish I could give him the answer he expects, but I must be honest.

“I don’t know, Seth.”

“They will separate them. If social services take them from me…” A single tear falls on his hand resting on the table.

My fingers move as if commanded by an external force. I can’t resist. I stroke the damp hand, then squeeze it.

They will definitely move Emily to another facility. Maybe I could try to keep Mason and Logan together.”

“Emily… Oh my God. Alone… I wonder with whom…” More tears cross her colourless and lifeless face, and now my hand goes to moisten his.

“Hey,” my fingers under his chin. Seth turns his painful eyes to me. “We’re going to fight.”

“You don’t have to do this for us.”

I want to tell him he’s right. That I don’t have to. He’d better call me out before it’s too late for everyone, but the thing in my chest starts beating again.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Really?”

I smile and nod at him.

“You’re… You really are… A person… What I say, a person… You are an angel who came down from heaven to save this poor, lost soul.”

I wipe away his tears with my thumb. A spontaneous and intimate gesture that belongs only to this moment. A gesture that I should be afraid of, but which inexplicably gives me peace and security.

“I am not an angel. Just your… partner, I suppose.”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you did that.”

“Believe it, because from tonight I’m moving in with you.”

“What?”

“My apartment is not suitable for children. Besides, it’s on the other side of town. The kids have school and then there’s Mr Yang. How can he look after the children if they don’t live next door?”

“Have you thought about all these things?”

I take a sip of coffee. “It’s my job.”

“I don’t think it’s your job to live with your client.”

“There’s a first time for everything, I guess.”

Seth ponders for a few moments, his eyes fixed on his now cold drink.

“If you wanted to back out right now… I would understand. We would all understand.”

“It’s not in my nature to back out.”

Seth lifts his eyes and gives me a faint smile.

“I don’t even have a guest room,” he says, calmly now.

“We can always share your bed.”

His face turns purple.

“If we’re going to pretend to be together, let’s do it right,” I hasten to say before it gets any more uncomfortable for him.

“I don’t even have a room to myself. I sleep on the sofa bed in the living room.”

“I can manage for a while.”

“A while… How much exactly?”

“I don’t know, Seth. Let’s try to take it one day at a time.”

“One day at a time. I can do that.”

He finally smiles at me again; his eyes, now clear of the storm; the dimples forming at the corners of his mouth; the hope shining through his face, which has returned to its natural colour.

I really hope he can make it because I am not so sure anymore.

“DO YOU HAVE ANY plans for tonight?” I ask Paul when I come back to the firm.

“That depends. What do you have in mind?”

I walk into his office and sit opposite to him. “I need some help boxing up a few things.”

Paul looks at me doubtfully.

“I’m moving in with Seth.”

“You… what?”

“We went to meet Judge McDonald this morning.”

“Why?”

“He asked for a private meeting.”

“And I’m just finding out now?”

“I wanted to avoid this reaction.”

“Did you go to a meeting with the judge handling your case alone?”

“I’ve been there with Seth.”

Paul looks at me sideways. “I mean, without your lawyer .”

“I didn’t think I needed a lawyer.”

“And it was the judge who demanded that you move to your client's house?”

“The judge offered Seth a deal.”

“Which you made him accept, right?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be moving into his house, Paul. Try to follow.”

“What the hell are you up to, Rowan?”

“I am trying to win this case.”

“Pretending to be with your client?”

“I remind you that you entrusted me with this lost cause.”

“I didn’t think you would go this far to win.”

Winning. Of course.

“Because that’s what it’s all about, right? To maintain your status, to break your record of winning cases?”

“Absolutely.” I stand up and adjust my jacket. “What else?”

“I don’t know. You tell me if there is more.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I take a few steps into his office, then turn back to him. “The judge was going to take the children away from him.”

Paul’s expression becomes less harsh.

“He proposed applying for custody in six months, after completing courses and changing his job and home… But in the meantime, social services would remove the children from their home. First, a foster home, and then, likely, placement with the maternal grandmother, who is apparently qualified to be a foster parent. You know that put the children in her care would mean…”

“It will be difficult to go back from there.”

“What are they going to give Seth? Two weekends a month under supervision?”

“Something like that.”

“How can I allow this?”

“You can’t.”

“And you knew that very well. Or you wouldn’t have given me this case.”

“Actually, I entrusted you with this case because it was quite desperate, and I trusted in your determination, but I didn't think you would go this far.”

I approach Paul’s office window, which faces the main street. The congested traffic, the horns, the passers-by hurrying in the rain.

“You were not there.”

“In court? I was there!”

I deny, slowly. I do not turn around.

“You were not there that day.”

I hear him sigh.

“I can’t see this happening again.”

“I know you think I can’t understand, but I assure you I do.” Paul gets up and joins me. His hand on my shoulder. “You can’t gamble your career on a case, Rowan. This wasn’t what I had in mind when I agreed to our firm representing Seth Graham.”

“I assure you that was not what I thought when I entered the court, either. But then…”

Then the kids, Emily’s crying; Mason’s desperate screams, Logan and Seth’s embrace… I can’t erase those images from my mind, or those screams. I know they don’t belong to me, and yet I feel them on me as if they were my own.

“What now? What are you going to do?” Paul asks, his tone sympathetic. “I guess the judge demands a real commitment.”

“Something like that.”

“You won’t actually get to marry him?”

“By then, I will have convinced the judge of Seth’s suitability.”

Paul looks at me doubtfully.

“Trust me.”

“You don’t have to sell me this trust crap. It’s not my life that depends on you.”

“You are an arsehole.”

“But I am also the only friend you have. So you have to keep me as I am.”

“You are not the only friend I have.”

Paul looks at me condescendingly.

I snort. “Are you going to give me a hand or not?”

“Why? Do you have someone else to call?”

“Fuck off, Paul.”

“I love you, too.”

“I’ll be ready to go by six. Don’t be late.”