Page 9 of The Queen’s Shadow

Someone like Meredith deserved better than I. She was so entrenched in our inner circle, pursuing anything outside of a friendly relationship with her was not a good idea. Especially considering the fact that she did not seem the type to entertain casual romantic relationships. After… my incident, I had not allowed myself to spend more than a night in a female’s bed. I didn’t want that for this lovely little witch, who was so kind and gentle, and who always seemed to put others before herself.

I admired her, yes. I could admit that while I sat here, inhaling her fresh minty scent, that I was attracted to her. But she deserved more than I could ever hope to give.

Wildflowers don’t grow in the desert.

“I just don’t want her to wake up here alone,” she said, looking sad. “She is likely not used to feeling safe, and coming to a strange place with no one there to answer questions… I know that I would panic if I were in her place.”

I suddenly wished I could offer to stay and keep watch, so Meredith could get some sleep. I was about to say as much, when suddenly the daemon’s eyes flew open, and she shot up in bed with a panicked gasp. Meredith jumped, and I reflexively reached for one of my sabers.

The daemon immediately grabbed Meredith by the wrist, and I leapt to my feet, pulling the green witch away in one easy movement. In less than a second, I was facing the slave, who looked up at me with wild, terrified, crimson eyes.

“You must restrain me,” she gasped desperately. “She could force me to kill you at any moment.”

Raven

It didn’t take me long to get back into my armor. I made sure Elvira’s circlet was firmly secured on my head before heading back to the common room. Jeremy hovered by me as I picked the box up from where Rycon had left it on the bench of the pit.

“I hate this, Raven.” He said, clearly upset. “You’re only eighteen, and you’re going off with who knows what is in that box to drop it in a volcano? Alone?”

“We can talk more when I get back, Dad, but I don’t have time to discuss this right now.”

“Raven, I just think-”

I whipped around, losing my barely controlled patience.

“Dad. She has my mate. I know you don’t fully understand what that means, but I need to get him back. Every second we are apart I feel like I’m dying. I can’t fucking breathe, Dad. And… I’m scared… I’m scared if I don’t keep moving forward, if I don’t keep doing something, that I might fucking lose it and literally start killing people until I find him. I’m not saying that as a turn of phrase, like ‘oh I’m so mad I could kill them.’ I mean, literally kill every single fucking daemon that stands in my way.”

Jeremy’s face turned from concerned to stony, and I immediately regretted my words.

“I may not know what a mate is, Raven, but I know what it is to love someone. I was married for over twenty years.” His words were soft, and dark. I watched him thumb his wedding band, which he still had not removed from his finger, despite Clair’s passing months earlier. I froze, the now familiar and cold strum of guilt rattling through my chest.

My shadows erupted around me, and Jeremy’s own shadow peeled off the floor to join them as they swirled around the room in agitation.

His eyes widened and he took a step back, but I didn’t have it in me to feel sad about it. I was just glad he was seeing a small piece of what I was, and what I was capable of.

After taking a moment to observe the swirling darkness around us, I watched him process and come to the slow understanding that I was the one controlling it. His eyes followed one of the shadows as it flew across the floor to wrap around me.

He took in the look on my face, which I’m sure appeared hurt at the fact that he had taken a step away, and his expression softened. He took two steps forward, to make up for his initial shock at the sudden use of magick and his reflexive step away. I wondered if he was starting to realize how closely the magick was connected to my state of mind.

“I also have a daughter,” he continued, his voice tight. “Whom I love very much.” My eyes welled with tears at his words. “I may not know what it is to have a mate, Raven, but I know what it is to love someone so much that you would do anything to protect them.” He took another tentative step in my direction, stepping directly into the darkness that had cocooned itself around me in a swirling vortex of complex emotion.

“Then you understand why I need to go, and why you need to stay here.” I said firmly, forcing down the lump of tears that was lodged in the back of my throat. “I love you too dad. If anything happens to you, I won’t survive it.”

Jeremy looked so sad I could barely stand it. “I can’t lose you either, Raven. I have already lost enough.”

“I know.” I said softly. “We both have. Which is exactly why I need to stop her. I need to go.” I took my own step back, clutching the box to my chest. “I’ll be back soon. Ask Rycon or Conrad to get you set up with a room and a change of clothes.” I said, nodding to his t-shirt, which was still soiled with blood from when Ash Nevra had dragged a blade across his throat.

I hated looking at it.

My father, who had always been my rock, my anchor, my voice of reason, was standing before me, looking broken and lost. I couldn’t bear to stand here to witness it for even another moment.

“I’ll be right back, Dad.” I promised softly, before my shadows carried me away, to the base of Mount Frira.

Dossidian

Isent Meredith to the dungeons to retrieve shackles for the slave. I did not want to leave them alone in the room together. I asked her to bring Raven back with her, however when she returned, she informed me that Raven had already left for Mount Frira.

Meredith wrapped the shackles around the daemon’s wrists and handed me the other ends, silently asking me to take care of securing them to the wall.