Page 59 of The Queen’s Shadow

The rape that had taken place after Raven finally left my mind had been unbearable. The Queen of Lust had cast an arousal curse on me following Raven’s departure, and I could not have been more grateful that my mate hadn’t been there to witness the full act.

I felt disgusting and filthy by the time Ash Nevra had finally left me alone in my chambers. She had parted with a sickeningly tender kiss and a promise to return soon to ‘visit.’

My darkness arched and stretched against the slavery bond in agitation at the memory. The unmet need to peel the skin off her flesh was nearly as unbearable as the memory of how her lips had clamped around me, her cheeks hollowing out as she sucked.

I hated her.

I needed her blood on my hands more than I needed to draw breath. The day I was freed from this bond would be the day Ash Nevra meets the reaper. I would make sure of it. I would cut out her heart and serve it to Raven on a platter made from Kieran’s bones, and I would laugh while I did it.

Thank the fucking Origin for Raven. If I didn’t have access to her, I would not survive this…despite what I would have my mate believe. The moment I had entered her mind, I had felt relief, followed by the crushing pain of guilt at the memory of what I had just done.

Raven had reassured me that she did not feel any differently about me. But I still couldn’t help but think that if she had stayed, she would have never looked at me the same again. If she knew the details and had borne witness to each time I had failed to fight back, she would be just as disgusted with me as I was with myself.

So, I had distracted her. I had needed to bury myself in her… needed to wash away the nightmarish memories of what had happened with Ash Nevra and replace them with the sound of Raven’s voice as she begged me to touch her. The quiet, breathy sigh of her release. The beautiful sound of her falling apart around me, and the warm rush of satisfaction as she relaxed, and came to a place of peace and calm.

I wanted her to always feel warm and safe, and I wanted her to feel warm and safe because of me. Only me.

Now, because of Ash Nevra, it didn’t feel like it was just the two of us. The bitch had forced herself into a private and sacred place. And I had never hated myself more for allowing it to happen.

I was pacing back and forth in my chambers, flexing my power within the bounds of the bond as much as I could in an attempt to expel some of the building energy, when The Siren entered my room.

She cocked an eyebrow at me as I ran a hand through my hair for what felt like the hundredth time. My fingertips had started to heal and were no longer tender to the touch. The nails had begun to grow back already and would likely be fully healed within another day or so. The scars Ash Nevra had managed to carve into my psyche would last much longer, and she fucking knew it.

“What do you want?” I snarled at my unwelcome visitor.

“Watch yourself, Amon. You are not my master anymore.”

“I was never your master, Nytara.” I snapped, though my tone was not as sharp as I had intended it to be. I sounded tired, and she could hear it. I slid into one of the chairs set around the small table I had been provided and resisted the urge to sigh.

“You always acted as if you were.”

“Of course, I did. It was expected.”

She didn’t respond, she just watched me quietly from the door. I pinched the bridge of my nose, before running my hand down my face and leaning back in the chair to look at her.

“Why are you here?” I asked, my mask finally back in place. I forced myself to sound bored, rather than annoyed. She stared at me with her usual stoney expression for a moment before responding.

“I came to ask you how it felt, to truly be at her mercy.”

It took a moment for her words to sink in. Suddenly, I realized that she had come here with the sole purpose of rubbing what had happened in my face. I nearly lost control of my mask again. My power roared in the electric cage that held it and I forced myself not to wince as the bond retaliated at my magick’s attempted rebellion. It was too soon, and I was too raw to keep calm in the face of her attempt at humiliation. So, I responded with what I knew would hurt her just as much as she had attempted to hurt me.

“I expect it feels about the same as when she made you slit your brother’s throat. What was his name again? Niko, was it?”

Her stony face hardened further, and her lip curled into a snarl. I watched her hand fall to the hilt of her rapier, and I sneered. If she wanted to play this game with me, she would lose. No one was better at exploiting people’s pain than I was.

My father had made sure of it.

“He was awfully young,” I carried on, my tone dry and disinterested. I crossed an ankle over my knee and examined my brutalized fingernails. Waves of hatred and anger rolled off of her and I relished in her pain as it crashed into me.

“What was it he said, when you dragged your blade across his throat?” I asked, raising my eyes up to meet hers. Her hand closed around the hilt of her sword, and she took a step forward. My sneer widened into a challenging grin, daring her to do exactly what her body language was already threatening.

“Ah, yes, I remember now… ‘I forgive you, Nytara’.” I quoted her dead brother.

At my words, sheets of ice exploded from her, pummeling me back from my chair and into the wall. I couldn’t access my power to block it, but that didn’t matter.

I had already won.

I laughed as she lunged for me, blade drawn. For a moment, I wondered if she would truly risk Ash Nevra’s wrath and kill me. But of course, Kieran appeared just in time to ruin the fun. He seemed to have an annoyingly good knack for that.