Page 282 of The Queen’s Shadow

“We’ll meet up with the rest of you later.” She said, returning to my side and taking my hand. “Amon and I need to catch up.”

Rycon snorted, but grinned. “Come on Kasha, maybe we should catch up as well.”

He tugged her away, following Raven and I into the palace, before splitting off in the main intersection of the East Wing.

Raven led me to her room, and closed the door softly behind her.

I stood in the center of the familiar space, quietly looking around, trying to adjust to the fact that I was really here, and this was not a dream, or a fantasy.

I was free, and the daemon who had tortured me for most of my life was dead and gone. All thanks to the magnificent creature who stood before me, looking up at me with so much love it made me ache.

It should have been easy to stand here with her, but it was painfully hard. After everything that had happened, and everything I had been forced to do, I had never felt more full of self-hatred, or less worthy of her.

I was tainted, used and broken. Evil had been injected into my soul and left to fester. I was worried I would poison her with it.

“I’m going to change out of this and shower. Do you want to come?” She asked softly, plucking at her burnt and blood stained shirt. I couldn’t answer.

I was torn. Half of me wanted her to leave me here alone, so she might be spared the company of my sinful fucking soul. The other half of me wanted to wrap myself around her, and fill her with every evil part of me until we rotted together.

When I still couldn’t seem to answer, she frowned.

“Okay. Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

I watched her disappear into the bathroom. Staring after her, I listened to the mundane sound of the shower being turned on. It was alien and foreign now. Everything felt off-kilter. Simple everyday things were strange and I slowly came to the realization that the trauma was setting in. I looked down at my hands to find that they were shaking.

These hands had caused so much pain and devastation. They had taken so many lives. They had run over Ash Nevra’s body and touched her in places I had never wanted to touch.

I felt disgusting.

The shower turned off and Raven emerged wrapped in a fluffy white towel. She was radiant. A shining, perfect angel, floating closer and closer to the filthy stain of a daemon she was chained to.

Her mating stone flashed green at her throat, and I felt a stab of pain through my chest at the sight of it. Ash Nevra had torn mine off, and it was likely still sitting abandoned on the floor of that torture chamber. Forgotten.

My shadows curled around me as she came closer, her expression growing more and more concerned as she approached.

She reached out and gently touched a hand to my cheek, her fingertips sending shockwaves of ecstasy coursing through me. The daemon in me growled and stalked along the perimeter of my aura, begging me to let it loose. Suddenly, I was filled with a bone crushing need to feel like I was in control, after being so long without it.

I wanted to own her.

I wanted to slam myself into her and force her to take what I gave her.

More than anything, I wanted to drag her into the dark with me and never let her fucking go. I was a monster, and she would never be safe from my burning need to devour her. I struggled with what my dark needs were calling for me to do and the conflicting instinct to protect her from everything. I had never expected to find that I was the thing she needed protection from.

“Raven…” I breathed, finally managing to find my voice.

She ran her cool magick over me, making my skin shiver with a dizzying mix of pleasure and revulsion at her touch. She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to mine so softly, I could barely feel her there.

“Raven…” I swallowed, taking a step away from her. My daemon snarled and my shadows swirled around us in agitation. She frowned at me, a look of hurt and confusion passing across her face.

“What is it?” She asked softly, and I shuddered at the painful innocence in her voice.

“I don’t… I don’t trust myself right now.” I admitted, my tone quiet.

“What do you mean?”

I met her gaze, and clenched my fists at my sides. “The things I want to do to you are ruthless and vile. You deserve better. I don’t want to take everything that happened to me out on you.”

She frowned, cocking her head to the side as she reclaimed the step I had taken away from her.