Page 75 of The Queen’s Shadow

I entered the outermost greenhouse quietly, not wanting to startle her. She had a small cauldron set up in the back on a wooden worktable. She looked perfectly at home, surrounded by leafy green plants that flourished in the humid walls of the greenhouse. The scent of soil and foliage swelled around me and the minty tingle of her magick pulled through the air as she worked.

She was breathtaking. Her flyaway blonde hair piled on top of her head, the sleeves to her peasant top shoved up to her elbows, and her skirts smudged with earthy stains. Her eyes were closed, and she was swaying slightly on her feet, her hands moving in gentle clockwise circles over the top of the small cast-iron cauldron. The plants around her seemed to ebb and sway with her, reaching for her, as if she were the sun and they were desperate for a sip of her warmth.

I had the sudden urge to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into me. I wanted to roll her minty taste over my tongue and see what sounds she might make if I left flower petal kisses over the shell of her ear.

The thought made my skin erupt in gooseflesh, and I felt the familiar, yet disturbing twinge of my power twist in my chest. She stiffened, as if she felt the rush of energy that had awoken within me. She gasped and her eyes flew open. Spinning around, she clutched a hand to her chest, before realizing it was me that had startled her. She immediately relaxed.

A selfish part of me thrilled at the fact that she relaxed in my presence, instead of stiffening in fear.

“Dossidian,” she gasped, and my stomach flipped in response to the breathy sound of my name on her lips. I winced as the power in my chest flared. I took a step back from her. Despite my attempt at creating distance between us, she met my gaze head on, and I could see the way she reacted to my energy, my presence. She was peaked underneath the soft cotton of her top and the skin on her neck had pebbled. I resisted the urge to shake my head to clear my thoughts.

This was irresponsible.

I needed to keep my distance. If I didn’t get myself under control, I would burn through her like a wildfire and there would be nothing left but ashes.

It wasn’t just sex, that was the problem. I could sleep with females, as long as I didn’t truly care for them. The problem was how much these feelings had the potential to evolve into something more.

It didn’t always need to be romantic for it to become dangerous. The first person I had accidentally killed with my powers, had not been a romantic partner. She had been a family member. I loved her. Origin… I had loved her… and that was what had killed her in the end.

It had taken me a long time to allow myself to get close to Kasha. It wasn’t until I was sure that she would be able to kick my ass and block me if I ever lost control that I had allowed myself to truly relax around her.

I forced my power down and swallowed roughly before speaking.

I had rudely interrupted Meredith’s work, the least I could do was pull myself together enough to explain why.

“Hello, Little Witch.” I greeted her softly. The words hung between us in the humid air. She bit her bottom lip gently, a small smile quirking on the side of her pink mouth. She looked up at me with her kind eyes, and there was a heaviness in her gaze that told me I was not the only one that could feel the potential that crackled between us.

“Did you find what you needed?” I asked, refusing to move any closer. She took a step toward me, but I immediately took a step back. A hurt look flashed across her face, and I felt as if someone had slipped a knife between my ribs. She folded her hands in front of her, and reclaimed the step she had taken, both respecting my unspoken request for distance, while simultaneously making me want to take it back.

“Yes, I did.” She said. She smiled, but it was noticeably less warm. My heart twinged at the doubt that had filled her eyes, as if she was not sure if I felt whatever it was I knew she was feeling. I wanted to tell her that I did feel it. I wanted to smooth out that small crease that had formed on her brow. But it was better this way. I already felt I had allowed things to go too far. The fact that she was interested in me at all was dangerous.

She was a green witch. I was a walking bomb. I cursed myself internally. It would be the equivalent of trying to protect a rosebush from a forest fire if I let these feelings grow any further. I cleared my throat.

“Good… that’s good.” I said awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck, just so I had something to do with my hands.

“Yes.” She said, equally as awkward, waiting for me to continue.

“I just wanted to update you… Blackwood and The Siren have arrived. Quite a few people have, actually. Conrad and I were thinking it might be a good idea to get some sleep before the opening meeting later.”

“Oh,” she said. She frowned and chewed on her lip again, looking concerned. “The Siren? Is Conrad okay?”

“Aye. It was a bit of a shock, but he’s okay. He’s resting now.”

‘As should you.’ I wanted to tell her, though it wasn’t my place to tell her what to do. I did not miss the fact that the color had drained from her usually rosy cheeks, nor did I miss the small, exhausted tremor that was present in her shoulders. She had worked tirelessly to heal Cerenah, barely slept at all, and now was working again, to replenish her hemoglo stock.

Sometimes I wondered if she was stronger than all of us. She never stopped working, and never complained about anything. On top of that, she never seemed to look at the world around her with anything other than kindness.

I had lived among such cruelty for so long, that being in her presence made me feel like I had crawled through a desert and stumbled upon a cool, refreshing oasis. An oasis in which I did not belong, nor deserve, but wanted so badly to find peace within.

She nodded. “I won’t be too much longer.”

It was my turn to frown. “You should not be left here alone, with our enemies so close.”

She looked me up and down, eyeing the several feet of space between us. I saw her eyes harden slightly before she turned her back to me, resuming her work.

“I’ll head up when I’m ready, Dossidian.” She dismissed me, and I closed my eyes at her words. I wished I wasn’t such a coward, and that I had the strength to tell her why I shouldn’t come any closer… but I couldn’t do it.

Because that part of me needed her to want me to come closer. And I knew, if she found out who I was and what I was capable of… she would never want to be close to me again.