Page 64 of The Holy Grail
Love notes
Evan woke up alone, and while that wasn’t uncommon, it was uncommon to wake up alone in a bed that wasn’t his.
After getting up to a decent amount of fuckery the night before, Malcom had invited Evan and Jules to sleep over, which they both agreed to.
She apparently had a few spare outfits in Malcom’s massive closet, so she was able to get totally ready for work in the morning, without having to go to her place first.
Once Evan had taken care of business in the bathroom, he wandered downstairs to the kitchen, heading straight for the monstrous coffee machine.
After looking at all the levers and knobs for five minutes, he muttered, “Well, fuck.”
Turning away from it, because without a detailed manual, there was no way coffee was getting brewed (plus, he seemed to recall Malcom mentioning it was off limits, anyway), Evan noticed two pieces of paper lying on the island.
Assuming they were for him, he picked up the first one, which was from Malcom, and quickly read it.
When he was finished, he turned to Dawn Corleone who was sitting a few feet away and held the note up for her to see.
“This is from Mal, the guy whose house you’ve taken over, and it says, ‘Do not fuck around with my coffee machine’. Love, Mal’. Do you believe that?”
The note from Jules was much more substantial, taking longer to go through.
When he was done, Dawn Corleone looked up at him and meowed.
“You want to know what this note says, too? This is from Jules, the woman who hangs out here a lot and says she’s come up with a list of ten of my red flags. Ten!”
Clearing his throat, he pointed to the first one. “This one says I snore, which is kind of petty, since I have no control over that, if in fact it’s even true and she didn’t just make it up.”
He pointed to the next one. “I also have too many ‘lies’ at the ready, to tell people whose only crime is wanting to go out with me … to which I say, one person’s so-called lies are another person’s creativity.”
He tapped on the third one. “This is just downright ridiculous. So what if I eat children’s cereal?
Cereal isn’t just for children, you know.
I mean, does she want me to skip the most important meal of the day?
And the next one apparently involves you because when she says I’m an ‘unrepentant pussy magnet’, she added a little drawing of a cat face.
” Evan reached out and rubbed behind Dawn Corleone’s ears.
“I’m beginning to think she’s a little jealous of you, which … might be justified, because you rock.”
Moving his finger to number five, he said, “This one points out I was given the nickname ‘Dick’, which I think should be more a reflection of the person who gave it to me, don’t you?
And the sixth one is the opposite of a red flag, because having ‘way too good’ oral sex skills is obviously a sought after green flag, right? ”
Dawn Corleone meowed.
Pointing to number seven, Evan shook his head.
“This one is pretty ridiculous. She also says I’m bossy, which might be a problem because she likes to be bossy.
Well, if that’s a red flag against me, then it’s also a red flag against her , which would bring her tally of red flags up to five, so what is she doing right now?
I feel like she didn’t think that one through. ”
Dawn Corleone meowed again.
Moving his finger to the eighth one, he snorted.
“I just can’t even, with this. How can I be a bed hog?
Three people in a King-sized bed, two of which are grown-ass men, means there’s no extra space to hog, am I right?
I’m totally right. Especially when a cat is also sleeping there, and cats take up quite a bit of space.
And this one about my nibbling on her nipples comment making me a pervert?
She’s totally going to enjoy that when it happens and she knows it, so she’s just making shit up at this point, which kind of goes against her strict honesty policy, wouldn’t you say? ”
With a sigh, Evan tapped on the tenth one.
“This one—that I’m a hair sniffer—is actually true, but as far as red flags go, it’s really not that bad compared to some.
And you know what? If she doesn’t want me sniffing her hair, she needs to start buying different shampoo and conditioner—her hair is really soft, so I’m assuming she uses conditioner, too—because whatever she’s using smells like a lush rainforest with a hint of lavender, and I challenge any man to resist that when they’re lying in bed next to a woman whose hair is spread out on the pillow next to them.
So, when it comes down to brass tacks, the reason I was sniffing her hair is on her, because of the decision she makes when purchasing hair care products. ”
Then, to be funny, he made some notes on the list and left it for Jules to see later.
When he was done, Dawn Corleone jumped down and headed to her little bowl of food and started munching away, reminding Evan he needed to eat something.
Rather than attempt to make anything, he decided to finish off last night’s peach cobbler for breakfast, complete with ice cream (for the dairy, because calcium was important) then let Dawn Corleone lick the bowl clean.
It was probably something he shouldn’t have done, but figured Malcom would never know.
Since he didn’t have anything to do until mid-afternoon, he decided to stay instead of going home and got to work finishing the record organization, while Dawn Corleone slept on the couch nearby.
Later, at work, around 6:00 p.m., he started getting messages in the Ménage à Trois group chat.
MALCOM: I can’t believe you got the records done. MALCOM: Thank you! EVAN: You’re welcome. Enjoy! MALCOM: I’m playing Grand Funk Railroad right now.
Jules then entered the chat .
JULES: That’s really great, Mal. JULES: Don’t forget to put it back in its correct spot, so you can always find it right away.
MALCOM: I won’t! EVAN: By the way … after doing all that organizing, I hopped into your shower.
EVAN: Afterward, I might have borrowed some of your clothes to wear.
MALCOM: Might have? EVAN: Okay, I totally did, because I didn’t want to put on my clothes from yesterday.
I hope that’s okay, although, if it’s not, it’s kind of too late to do anything about it.
MALCOM: Did you also borrow a pair of my underwear?
EVAN: Isn’t it weird that underwear is referred to as a ‘pair’ when ‘pair’ means ‘two’ of something?
EVAN: And yes, I’m currently wearing a pair of your underwear.
EVAN: It’s actually a bit of a turn-on, to be honest. EVAN: I promise to wash them before returning them to you, or you can just let me keep them as a souvenir.
MALCOM: This is a little strange for me, I’m not going to lie.
MALCOM: No one’s ever borrowed my clothes before, let alone a pair of my underwear.
MALCOM: So, now I have to ask … did you mess with my coffee machine, too?
EVAN: No, Dad, I didn’t touch your coffee machine, as per your order.
MALCOM: Thank you. It was rather expensive, so I’m a little protective of it.
EVAN: A little? JULES: You can’t see me right now, but I’m rolling my eyes. JULES: Wait …
A few seconds later, a short video of Jules dramatically rolling her eyes popped up, making Evan crack up.
MALCOM: Very funny. EVAN: Speaking of funny, I saw the list of my so-called red flags that Jules left me.
JULES: So-called? EVAN: I found them to be all petty and inaccurate—especially the one accusing me of being a pervert because I mentioned nibbling on your nipples.
I’ll admit to it being a kink—by the loosest of definitions—but don’t think it qualifies as a red flag, so I crossed it off the list. JULES: Fine.
I’m sure there are others that I’m just not aware of yet that can take its place.
A half hour later, Malcom texted again .
MALCOM: Did you really eat the rest of the peach cobbler?? EVAN: Yes. In my defense, though, you didn’t have any cereal. EVAN: I might have eaten the rest of the ice cream, too.