Page 113 of The Holy Grail

Take this job and shove it

Malcom was in the middle of another incredibly boring Klein & Schmidt staff meeting (how many times did personal use of the copy machine have to be addressed, for fuck’s sake?) and started thinking about the next incredibly boring staff meeting, and the next.

He’d only been back to work for two weeks, and it hit him like a brick to the face that he didn’t want to do this anymore.

He didn’t want to spend even one more day at a job he didn’t like, doing work he didn’t like … so why was he?

Feeling a little nervous and adrenalized at the same time, when Mr. Klein asked if there was any other business to discuss before the meeting was brought to a close, Malcom said, “I have some business.”

“Yes? What is it?”

“I’d like to give my two weeks’ notice.”

Everyone turned to stare at him.

“You want to resign?” Mr. Klein repeated, clearly stunned, as if the concept of anyone leaving his firm was inconceivable.

“Yes. This has been a nice place to work, but I just don’t want to be here anymore.

” At the almost hurt expression on Mr. Klein’s face, Malcom immediately added, “That isn’t a reflection of the working conditions, or of anyone here—with the exception of Randall, who heats up Thai leftovers for lunch every day. ”

This brought light laughter from everyone, even Randall, who was well aware his lunch was a running joke in the office.

“You’re serious about this?” Mr. Schmidt asked, entering the conversation.

Malcom’s tone was firm. “Yes.”

Seemingly at a loss as well, Mr. Schmidt paused for a long moment before pragmatically inquiring, “Can you get everything you’re working on completed in two weeks?”

“Yes.” Even if he had to work twenty hours a day, every day of that two weeks, Malcom would get it done.

“Are you planning on going to another firm? Because—”

“No, I’m not going to another firm. There are just some things I want to do with my time,” Malcom explained. “And if my father’s death has taught me anything, it’s that life can stop without warning, so I want to make the most of the life I have left.”

He knew he was laying it on a bit thick (because having a very stressful job, not taking medication to control your high blood pressure, indulging in regular consumption of alcohol, and engaging in zero exercise often led to death), but he was talking to a room full of lawyers, so he wasn’t worried about it being too much.

Not surprisingly, when he was done speaking, everyone was nodding like he’d just said something profound.

“All right, then.” Mr. Schmidt’s eyes behind his thick, bi-focal glasses were suspiciously bright as he told Malcom, “Your father would be very proud of you, for pursuing your dreams, whatever they may be.”

“I think he would be, too,” Malcom answered with a straight face.