Page 4

Aoi

Things didn’t go as planned that’s for sure. Tonight is supposed to be the night I end it all, and here I am taking in a random kid I found on the sidewalk. I don’t even know if I’m the strange one or that boy.

I mean, he just followed me without thinking twice. That’s insanely dangerous! No, at this point it’s even suspicious. Maybe he ’s a serial killer? Yeah, right. There’s no way. I’m clearly dramatizing, of course he’s not a serial killer.

Being a writer comes with convenient factors but also inconvenient ones such as a ridiculous imagination. My brain always automatically comes up with the craziest scenarios possible as if a normal explanation isn’t available in my system. Though that might just be overthinking from anxiety. Luckily for him, I’m not a psycho killer, or he’d already be in some shady mess.

He stands in the entry, shivering like a leaf and stays there as if he’s waiting for permission. His fingers fidget as he plays with the strings attached to the bottom of the scarf.

“Why are you standing there? Come in. I’ll fetch us something warm.” I can’t stop a smile from tugging on my lips.

He looks like a lost puppy that could bite off my fingers if I’m not careful. Oh, he is waiting for permission. What do I say? How does one make others feel at ease? Seriously, Aoi? Are you that antisocial that you have to ask yourself that?!

We stand in the middle of the room, staring at each other, waiting for one of us to make a move. What happened to him? I can’t stop wondering why a twelve-year-old was sitting on a sidewalk in the middle of the night. Countless questions wander through my mind, and I resist the urge to ask them.

He takes off his shoes and puts them away in the corner of the shoe rack. He’s extremely polite for a kid that looks bratty. I don’t know why I took him in, really, what am I supposed to do now? I couldn’t leave him outside in the frost of the winter. He’d freeze to death, and I’d feel guilty to the core.

Also, I’m useless in every aspect of my life, helping someone else isn’t the worst I can do. If I have the ability to relieve someone’s hardship, why not do it?

Visha peeps around before stepping deeper inside the apartment. He scans his surroundings as if needing to take in every inch of the room. He must be so uncomfortable being in the same secluded space as a complete stranger. Why did he even agree to come with me? I really want to ask him about his situation, but I should just mind my business.

“Do you live alone?” Visha asks from the living room. He sits down on the couch after hanging his puff jacket in the small closet near the front door.

I hide in the kitchen but from what I observed a minute ago he’s as stiff as a broom. “Yep,” I reply, short ly. I know it might come off as cold but what else am I supposed to add? I want to give this kid more information about me and where he is, but I don’t know where to start. He’s in an unfamiliar position because he needs a place to stay so I can only imagine his suspicions. “I used to have a cat, but she passed away a few months ago.”

My dumbass really just had to say something morbid, huh? Consider taking classes to improve these shitty skills of yours Aoi.

I’m not used to having company anymore. It’s not entirely true, but it’s not a lie either. No one visits me and I have no one to visit either, so I’m alone most of the time, but I had Kaki until she died of old age. She was like my roommate on four paws that meowed for food every hour.

I suppose that risking it all for a warm shelter is something people like Visha have no other choice but to attempt. Well, the least I can do is to prepare him a warm meal.

Shit. I hadn’t planned on coming back alive today, so I didn’t go grocery shopping but there should be some pasta and canned sauce left in the pantry. I could whip him up something quick and I’ll buy us provisions tomorrow. A young child still growing needs substantial food.

“Aoi?” he calls as he waddles into the kitchen.

I spin around to look at him. He’s wearing a pair of red and black flannel pajama pants and a light grey sweater. Too thin. These clothes are way too flimsy for the winter.

“Visha, how long had you been sitting on that sidewalk?” I stop smiling and stare him down, but he avoids my gaze.

How can I keep a joyous facade at the thought of this little boy out in the cold for hours on end with no more than these rags? Yes, rags. His clothes seem far from new and that's an understatement.

“I don’t know. Half an hour? Couple hours?” he replies nonchalantly as if I asked him what his favorite color is.

I sigh and grab his hand. He lets out a small gasp of surprise and flinches but doesn’t put up a fight as I begin leading us to my room. “Were you going to sit there the whole night if I hadn’t come along?”

He starts trembling as he speaks. “L- let go of me.”

I stop in my tracks and immediately pull my hand back. He was fine a second ago. Did I do something wrong? That was a much too strong reaction for it to have no ulterior meaning.

I crouch down to his level, showing him that I’m no threat. “I’m sorry if I surprised you. Do you prefer if I don’t touch you at all?”

He hesitates before nodding slowly, his breathing shallow and pupils blown. I don’t want to imagine what he’s been through to violently reject my touch in this manner. The longer I stare at him, the clearer it gets that I have to help him. He needs warm clothes. Immediately . Oh, and a warm shower too!

Does he have parents? If yes, they should be ashamed of leaving this sweetheart in such garments out in the freezing snow.

I gesture for him to follow me. “The bedroom is right there,” I say, pointing at the end of the hallway. “Do you want to come with me to find some clothes for you or do you prefer waiting here?”

Visha fiddles with his fingers, uneasy yet he dares to look at me after a long minute of avoiding my gaze. “I- I’ll come.”

I pull my lips in a fine line and lead the way. After rummaging in the closet for a good five minutes, I pull out something appropriate. “Here, take these.”

He doesn’t move for what feels like an eternity and I wonder if something broke in his circuit. Why is he gawking at me as if I descended from heaven with the blessing of God?

“Uhm, for me?” He lowers his honey eyes at the black sweatpants and pastel green sweater folded in my hands.

“Of course, they’re for you.” I hand him the garments, but he doesn’t reach for them and frowns instead.

“Can I really take them?”

“Yes, you can. I can’t let you stay in these worn out and wet clothes. Go take a warm shower then put these on.” I smile warmly in hope that he won’t be too wary of my generosity.

It’s hard to convey my intentions with someone that has every right to be on guard, but I hope he’ll slowly understand that I mean to help him and nothing else.

“There isn’t much I can do for you in my current situation, but I can at least give you clean clothes. Don’t play hard to get and just take them. You deserve them.”

He peeks up at me and a wave of different emotions flash in his eyes. His lips part, then shut. “I don’t understand.”

“What is there to understand?”

“You’re so…kind. It’s weird.”

I’m weird because I’m kind? Is that even possible? I’d rather be a decent human and be seen as odd than be a shitty person and be seen as 'normal'.

“No need to thank me. The bathroom’s the second door to the left. Call me if you need anything. Oh, and there should be enough clean towels in the shelf below the sink, so pick whichever you want. Help yourself to anything you find,” I say, clasping my hands together.

He nods and makes his way toward the bathroom. I let out a long sigh. How does someone turn into a parent in the span of a few hours? Don’t tell me I’m a fucking magnet for hardships.