Page 29

Aoi

Deafening silence welcomes us as Jason leads me into his place. It’s been ages since I stepped foot in his apartment. It brings back memories of the old times when I was still sixteen and blissful.

“Do you want a drink?” he asks, his tone dropping to a lustrous spark, igniting a flame in me.

I raise a brow. “I’m driving.”

“Just one,” he says, handing me a glass of whiskey. “For me.”

“I’d rather not.”

“I’ll give you a ride home. Don’t worry.”

“After you drank?” I scoff. “You’re certainly not into respecting the law for a lawyer.”

“Then you can just stay over?” He holds the glass under my nose. “At least until you sobber up?”

I eye the glass and give in. I take it from his hands, raising it to my lips and wincing at the biter warmth of the golden liquid. “I still hate whiskey.”

Jason merely laughs and gazes at me tenderly or maybe I’m just imagining the softness in his eyes. It’s easier to ignore everything that happened even if it’s already been three years since that night.

“It gets better with time.”

I stare at him, holding back from telling him my true thoughts. He steps closer to me, never breaking eye contact. I have to keep it in to make this work. We will never be able to move on if I spill the vase now.

But-

“Say it.”

“Say what?”

He tilts his head as if the answer is flagrant. “You want to say something and it’s eating you up from the inside. Just tell me.”

“It’s nothing. I was just…thinking.”

This place hasn’t changed one bit since I moved out. The couch is still where it used to be next to the balcony window, sending fragments of passionate memories through me.

A large hand slides over my waist, pulling me into his broad torso. “What are you thinking about so deeply?” he murmurs against my ear.

I lean my head to the side, bestowing my neck as an offering to his lips. He presses gentle kisses over my nape and pulls me further against him.

I close my eyes and part my lips, momentarily forgetting where I am. “I just remembered my first time.”

It’s true. This place reminds me of how it all started.

He halts, his lips hovering over my shoulder and spins me around. “Oh really?”

“Yes, really. I wonder why now though.”

His gaze darkens as he takes my chin between his fingers and forces me to gaze at him. “And what exactly do you remember?” he asks, slowly closing the gap.

The softness of his lips against mine sends me spiraling in an uncontrollable dream of what used to be and what could become.

My breathing hitches. “Us. Naked and happy.”

His hand detaches from my waist and slides across my arm to reach the glass in my hand. He pulls away from me, lowering the glass on the translucent table before it ends up shattered on the ground.

Like me.

I chuckle as he slides one hand around my waist and the other finds its way at the back of my nape. “It feels like a million years ago. We were so happy. Nothing else mattered but being with you.”

“Aoi…” A low tempestuous growl escapes his parted lips.

My eyes flutter open for an instant, gazing at the hazel forest drowning in my ocean eyes. The elements crash and collapse as our passion and need for each other unravel uncontrollably.

“Can I tell you the truth?”

He nods.

“Sometimes when I think about the past, our years together,” I stifle a breath. “I regret it. All of it.”

When my parents died, I was devastated by grief. My father was Jason’s only brother. Even though they didn’t share the same blood, they were still family. He was the sole adult able to take me in and provide for me as my uncle. We had no grandparents, no cousins, no relatives. Only Jason. My sister was in the hospital, gravely injured and hadn’t woken up yet.

I only had him .

He had the choice between becoming me and my sister’s legal guardian or sending me to a foster home. He chose the first option and welcomed me in his home. I went to his place quite often in my life, but I never thought it would be due to such tragic circumstances.

I was seventeen and clueless. After their death, I ended things with Jason. It didn’t feel right being happy, much less fucking my uncle.

He understood and didn’t object to my decision, but he kept taking care of me until my sister died weeks later. I lived with Jason until I turned eighteen and needed to move out. Jason wanted me to stay longer and let him provide for me, but it was too hard, and I was overwhelmed, so I refused.

He pestered me about financial support until I gave in. From then on, he paid for the majority of my expenses. He dug a hole in my heart and lodged himself inside with no intention of ever leaving.

“Aoi-”

“Don’t say anything. You already knew. You know how my love for you clashes with pain and rage. You know that I can’t forgive you.”

“What can I do to change that?”

“Nothing. We should have never happened. You should’ve stayed away from me. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of me but it’s too late now to blame you. I should’ve left earlier.”

“You’re not talking about my threat to cut your financial support.”

“No, I’m not,” I say, barely above a whisper.

“Fuck.”

“I should’ve left.”

“But you’re still here. You didn’t leave after everything I’ve done.” He brings his hair back, the air shifting with his gesture. “You had the opportunity to discard me, but you didn’t.” Suddenly, my feet leave the ground as he picks me up and leads us to his room. “You chose me.”

Did I even have a choice in the first place?

“I can’t stay too long. Visha’s waiting at home.”

My back hits the mattress, and he cages me between the bed and his broad chest. “He can keep waiting for all I care,” he growls, pressing his rough lips to my blazing skin.

Wide smooth hands slide under my shirt, kneading and caressing my skin.

“Asshole.”

It doesn’t take long for our clothes to hit the ground and our bodies to be set aflame as we rediscover ourselves through desire and lust.

“I love you, Aoi.”

I wish it were true. I really want to believe that he means it but it’s all wrong and twisted. He’s hateful and yet I can’t let him go. Why can’t I let him go? He’s all I have but now I have Visha too. I have a family. Maybe now I could finally soar out of his cage.

Every touch of his sends me over the edge and every word reminds me why I loved him so much. Times may have changed but we’re still the same. Intertwined, sewn together. I gobbled up his lies and transformed them into poetry.

He’s as addictive as any drug, but it’s my fault as much as it’s his. He may have manipulated me into falling for him, but I stayed when everything screamed at me to run.

Nothing changed and it never will if I lay down and take it. I’m still cursed to bleed for him.