Page 37

Visha

Aoi didn’t seem too upset.

He took it well, I guess? That’s more surprising than if he had flipped out like he did with the text, and yet nothing. Yeah, he seemed taken aback but somehow, he didn’t look too pained more like he sounded angry.

Maybe I’m making this bigger than it is? I mean, we’ll still keep in touch, so it isn’t all too bad. The idea of being so far from him breaks my heart though. I won’t be able to have breakfast with him anymore, no movie nights, no sleeping in the same bed and cuddling anymore, nothing .

I won’t be able to hug him every day and hear him laugh. Seeing him will become almost impossible because of the time difference. This is hell and the blame falls on that monstrous bastard calling himself my brother. Why couldn’t he have stayed in France?!

I don’t want to leave with him, I want to stay with Aoi forever, but I can’t see a way out. It’s just so fucking unfair. I barely know that man, so calling him my brother leaves a bitter aftertaste on my tongue. I could never consider someone family who threatens the man I love.

I exhale sharply, letting my frustration go and ready myself for another round of tragedy.

There are a couple people I want to say goodbye to, first there was Aoi and now my friends. So here I am, sitting on a bench in a park, wondering how to bring this shit up. Olivia stares daggers at me, urging me to speak up because she can’t take it anymore.

“I’m leaving to France in a week.”

The joyful chatter fades instantly, turning the cozy atmosphere into a stuffy box. My friends stare at me as though they didn’t hear right.

“Huh? What like a vacation? No way that’s so cool!” Xander laughs, smacking my arm. “Why do you look so bummed about it?”

The words get stuck in my throat, and I can’t breathe.

“No, not on vacation, Xan,” Olivia explains in my stead.

Liam stares at me dumbfounded, searching for his words while Sarah’s eyes tear up.

The only one somehow able to say something is Xander. “Wait. You’re moving? To France ?! That’s on the other side of the fucking globe!”

I nod, appreciating Liv’s comforting back rubs. It’s out in the open now. No more going back. “It’s a complicated story to be honest. I don’t know where to start.”

“With the beginning, asshole,” Sarah retorts, unamused. “You’re leaving in a week and you’re only telling us today? How is that normal? What the actual fuck.”

“Hey! Don’t speak to him like that,” Olivia interjects.

“At the party I met some guy who turned out to be my older brother?” I say, cringing at how crazy it sounds. “He wants me to go to France with him. Permanently.”

“And you agreed? Just like that? What about us?” Xander shouts.

“Yeah, and what about Aoi?” Sarah asks.

Aoi. He’s the most important person in my life. He’s the sole reason I’m leaving. It’s all for him, to protect his future. All I can think about every second of the day is him.

I cover my face, tears threatening to spill. “I don’t know.” My voice breaks, “I don’t know.”

Olivia pulls me into a hug, allowing me to hide my grief on her shoulder. She’s the only one who knows the whole truth. So, when she finally speaks, I completely break down.

“You’re not losing him,” she mutters, low enough for only me to hear. I nod against her sweater, sobbing as her words sink into me. “You’re not losing us.”

Her words make something click in my friends and the next second, we’re all hugging. Sarah and I cry. Xander mumbles curses directed at no one and Liam sniffles, trying as hard as he can not to wail.

We’re a mess. A united in grief messy couple of fish out of water.

I can’t help but snicker, making them stare at me in confusion as they pull away.

“What’s so funny?” Xander asks.

The snicker turns into a fit of laughter. “Nothing. Really. God, I don’t know why I’m laughing.”

And somehow, they don’t need a reason either. There’s none after all. We won’t lose each other, no matter what. Our paths are interlinked, crossing over the other, splitting into smaller roads, but in the end, if they leave the light on, I’ll leave the light on.

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

Sarah resumes her sobs and nods in agreement, allowing Liam to wrap his arm around her shoulder and comfort her.

They’re my people. You can’t lose your people. Even when you turn the light off, you can always find them by simply closing your eyes and letting that bond guide you. Aoi is my person. He’s my family and the love of my life. My friends are my siblings, and nothing will change that.

“We’ll stay in touch!” Sarah says hopeful.

Xander slaps his knee and leans back on the bench, attempting to seem unbothered. “We have phones for a reason. Doesn’t matter that there’s a huge time difference. We’ll make it work one way or another.”

“See? We’ll be fine.” Olivia nudges me in the rib.

Liam smiles tenderly and like the soft-spoken person he is he kindly says, “We’ll come see you off at the airport.”

“Now wipe your snotty noses and let’s go to the arcade! We have to make the most of this.” Xander jumps to his feet.

If Sarah rolls her eyes further, they’ll get stuck behind her skull. “You have absolutely no tact. Gosh, no wonder you can’t find a girlfriend.” He flips her off, granting him a scoff as she ties her ginger hair into a ponytail. “I’ll fuck you up. Try doing that again, I dare you.”

Of course, he walks right into her threat and gives her his middle finger. A loud pig-like scream blares from his mouth as she twists his finger. “Okay! Okay stop! I lost! I give up!”

Sarah is sensitive to say the least. Messing with her is like messing with a goose.

Liam’s bewitched by her beast-like aggression. He isn’t fooling anyone with the two heart-shaped balloons soaring out of his eyes with each blink.

“You had it coming,” he mumbles.

“Guys, she’s torturing me! You traitors! Stop laughing.”

Sarah lets go of his poor finger and smirks, proud of having turned it into a harmonica. “Should we go?”

No one dares to contest her, so we gather our stuff sprawled over the grass and leave the park. We jump into Olivia’s car and drive off. It’s still early when we get to the arcade and since it’s Xander’s favorite hangout spot, he immediately gets to business.

“I’ll beat y’all into next Tuesday.”

“Ha, try me.”

Olivia’s in her element with competition. Perhaps because she has to compete for her parents’ love so often or because she has to excel academically to get out of this shit hole one day.

Xander gestures at her to play against him just to eat dust after she’s done with him. We burst out laughing at how he loses every time and yet can’t hold back from challenging the queen of arcades.

“Dude, come on, you know you won’t win unless you practice another fifty years,” I mock.

“One day I’ll prove to y’all who’s the true king of the game.”

A series of cackles erupts from the girls, slapping their knees and gasping for air. “He just can’t accept that he’s an eternal loser.”

Sarah nods in agreement. “Maybe you should get a different specialty. Clearly, this one did you wrong.”

“Don’t say that,” Liam interjects, making me snort. “He’s doing his best.”

Xander lays a firm hand on his only defender and nods along, wiping a fake tear away. “Thanks, you’re the only real friend among those hyenas.”

“Hyenas?” Sarah cracks her knuckles. “I’ll show you what the hyena can do, you dolphin looking ass.”

And for the next three hours, we spend the entirety of our pocket money playing games and having the time of our lives.

I check the time and hiss. “Shit, I have to go home. Aoi’s waiting with sushi.”

A round of envious groans echo from my friends, and I stick my tongue out in mockery.

“You always get good stuff,” Xander whines. “Hey, can Aoi adopt me? Man, that’d be so cool.”

“He’s mine.”

Olivia places a hand on my back and taps it before walking me to the door. “No one’s taking your place.”

I know that, of course I do but somehow my heart can’t let that sink.

“Guys, I’m driving Visha home. I’ll be right back,” she hollers, and they all respond with gestures, too busy with the game to bother looking up.

The drive home is quick and quiet. I need a break from talking and Liv perfectly understands that. She’s my best friend after all, my sister of another mother.

“There you go.” She parks right in front of the building.

I pull her into a hug. “Thanks for everything. I’ll see you Sunday at the airport, right?”

“As if I’d miss your departure. Who do you take me for?” She smiles but I see the hidden sadness in her eyes.

Despite knowing the truth she must be worried and pained that I’m leaving. We’ll never forget each other nor will our bond break but being so far from her could take a toll on our friendship.

I laugh and get out of the vehicle. “My annoying best friend.”

“Damn right.” Olivia cocks her head at me and grins. “Love you, Visha.”

“I love you too, Liv.”

Heading towards the front door, I glance back at her car waiting for me to get into the building. I’ll miss these moments of soft and comforting silence. The mist of protectiveness and warmth emanating from her when she thinks no one knows, makes me smile.

There’s no one in the world like her. Fierce and kind like a tornado who’s always got my back. Not being able to hang out with her like we always do is going to hurt more than I can imagine. I already know I’m going to hate it.

I smile to myself, pushing these thoughts away and wave at her before disappearing into the apartment complex. In the elevator I rearrange my hair in front of the mirror. Aoi’s already waiting in the living room as I enter the apartment.

“Took you long enough,” he laughs, gesturing for me to sit at the table. “I ordered your favorites and left them in the fridge until you got home.” He pulls out the sushi boxes and arranges them on the table, placing plates on our respective sides. He sits down opposite me and smiles. “Dig in.”

“I told the others about moving,” I say, nibbling on a California roll.

He simply nods along as he chews, no sign of dissatisfaction. “How’d they take it?”

I look away, reminiscing about this afternoon and snicker. “We cried like babies. I can’t begin to imagine what the people in the park must’ve thought at the sight.”

“Probably that you were degenerates on drugs,” he mocks. “Or simply teens having a moment. Did you tell them you weren’t high?”

“I even did a cartwheel to prove it,” I joke, poking my food. “Can I tell you something?”

Aoi tilts his head, putting down his chopsticks to focus on me and nods.

“I’m scared of what will happen in the future. I- I don’t know what to expect in France and without you everything will be so strange, you know?”

He bites his lower lip and reaches for my hand, caressing my skin. “Change is always scary at first, but I think this could be a new beginning. You’ll open your mind to new possibilities and a new horizon.”

“You’re right but I can’t shake this feeling.”

“With time you’ll feel at home there like you did when you first started living with me.”

“But that was different.”

“Maybe but still. I know you’ll be fine.” He lets go of my hand and resumes eating, seeming lost in thought for a minute. “Your brother seems to have everything under control.”

I shove a maki in my mouth, savoring the taste. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t speak with your mouth full.”

I purse my lips and swallow the food. “Did he say something?”

No reply, just silence as he eats and stares at his plate. Unease crawls over my skin like centipedes on a quest.

“He called,” he says, poking at his plate. “His men will take care of your stuff for the whole moving thing.”

I gawk at him. “His men? Like his employees?”

He nods. “Convenient, isn’t it? He has money to spend and people to take care of everything.”

The dimmed light of the living room reflects in his somber gaze, revealing veiled truths.

“Maybe he’s even got people to wipe his ass.”

He snorts, slapping a hand over his mouth as he goes into a fit of laughter. His head falls back, and his cheeks flush, revealing the beauty of this side of him.

Many believe that Aoi’s rather on the shy and quiet end maybe even cold, but that couldn’t be more wrong. On the contrary, he’s bright and warm. No matter the instance, he always puts up a smile and brings out every ounce of kindness in him.

Aoi is a giver. He shares his love, his time and energy with the people he cares about. Though, it takes a bit of patience for him to open up, I sometimes feel that he’ll never open up entirely. Not even to me.

Sunny and smiling Aoi is my favorite. I could die watching him and I’d be grateful for it. “I love you, Aoi.”

He slowly calms and leans his chin on his palm, lovingly gazing at me. His eyes crease at the corners. “I love you too, silly.”

But it isn’t the same. His love and mine are so different . Unrequited . Hopeless .

It’s not meant to be, I know that, but I want to believe that in another life, another universe I would be able to give him everything I have.

In that universe, we might be an us.