Page 29 of Slashed By You (Chicago Steel #5)
Chapter 29
Josh
M y heart is breaking. I’d do anything right now to make things better for Kenzie. Before our breakup, I can’t remember the last time I experienced anything this emotional. It was probably the miscarriage. But considering that it was fabricated, losing my grandparents registers as the saddest. Their loss was traumatic for me, as I was closer to them than my actual parents. I never felt love from my parents, but my grandparents made sure I knew they loved me. They would have adored Kenzie, and they both would have openly berated me for how I treated her when she told me she was pregnant. As I hold her tight, I give thanks that I’m able to be here now.
Kenzie stiffens in my arms when I call her babe, and I reprimand myself for moving too fast. I couldn’t help it. I want to do right by her. Fight her battles. Slay her dragons. Protect her… even if it’s from me. Pulling back, I nudge her chin up so she’ll make eye contact with me. “Am I making things worse?” That question pulls at my gut. It was tough to get past my lips. I don’t want to believe that I’m doing more harm than good.
She nods. “I’m just so confused, Josh. I don’t know what you want from me. Can you tell me?”
My mind warns me this is a trap, but Kenzie has never been one to play games. She has always been straightforward and upfront about things. So do I tell her bits of how I’m feeling or just rip the Band-Aid off and bare my soul? Looking into her sad eyes, I know the answer immediately. Tell her the truth and hope for the best.
Blowing out a deep breath, I pray she feels the same as I do. Only one way to find out. “Kenz, the time apart from you has been unbearable. Knowing what I’ve done to you. The ways I’ve hurt you. I’m not sure you’ll ever forgive me. But I’m here to fight for you. For another chance. I want you. I want our baby. I want to see where this could go.”
He waits a minute before saying more. “I know we’ve danced around the idea of friendship, but I don’t want just that. Yes, I want my best friend back, but I want the love of my life back too. I will say I’m sorry for the rest of our lives, if that’s what it takes. Not trusting and pushing you away were the worst mistakes I ever made, and I’m begging for your forgiveness.”
Kenzie sets her head on my chest and says nothing. I’m not sure how to interpret it. My nerves are shot. I know I have to accept whatever answer she gives me. I just hope it’s one that ends with us together, raising our son.
Seconds, minutes, and hours pass. Maybe even days. Not really, but it feels like that. She pushes off my chest while wiping tears from her red-rimmed eyes. “You’re right. You’ve hurt me worse than anyone ever has. I’ll never forget the anger and judgment you spewed at me. Instead of responding like someone who claimed to love me, you called me names. You hurled accusations at me without giving me an opportunity to defend myself. You refused to believe me, choosing instead to lump me in with your spiteful, ladder-climbing ex who only used you.” Kenzie pulls away more, creating a noticeable distance between us, making my body shudder.
“I’ve missed you too, but I refuse to be treated like that ever again. If you want another chance with me, earn it. I won’t deny you your right to know your son, but the relationship we have is on shaky ground.” Wiping her still wet eyes, she steps away from me, returning to what she’d been doing before I arrived. The kitchen is silent as I consider her words. My shoulders drop and my stomach tightens as it all sinks in. I know I’d hurt her, but until I heard it from her lips, I didn’t realize just how badly. Will I ever be able to make it up to her? Do I even deserve a second chance? Probably not.
I see how exhausted she is and I decide there’s something I can do about that right now. I slap my hands together, and she startles. “Shit. Sorry,” I apologize. “Okay, I’m done making loud, startling noises. What can I do to help?”
Kenzie turns around with her splotchy face and I give her my best smile. She returns it and asks, “Do you mind starting a batch of your favorites?”
My smile grows wider. “Only if I can have one… maybe two.”
“Deal.” She laughs, easing some of my concerns.
For the next two hours, we bake, frost, and share laughter and secret smiles. It turns into the best morning. Toby pops in and, after a quick hello, I know it’s time for me to go.
Kenzie’s leaning against the counter. She’s flour-dusted, her hair tied up in a bandana, and she’s wearing a raggedy, stained apron. She has never looked more breathtaking. The sun streams through a window near her, making her look ethereal. She’s an angel. My angel.
As I approach her, her eyes flick to mine and a sweet smile pulls at her soft, pink lips. “I’m going to get out of here. The offer of dinner tonight still stands if you’re interested. No pressure.”
She lays a hand on my chest, and the heat it carries radiates through my body. I want to cover it, but my hands are occupied, each holding a death by chocolate cupcake. They’ll be my reward after I work out.
“Okay, we can do dinner. Can we eat in? After a full day on my feet, I need to elevate them so I don’t end up with cankles.”
“Cankles? Is that really a thing?” I ask.
She nods and grimaces. “From the pictures I’ve seen, it isn’t pretty.”
Stepping closer, I move both cupcakes to one hand before I push an errant strand of hair behind her ear, allowing my thumb to trace the delicate curve of her cheek. Her eyes soften and my heart thumps. She has such an effect on me. Lowering my voice, I murmur. “Hey, beautiful. Is there anything you’re craving?”
Her face lights up and she says, “Tacos.” Her voice sounds breathy.
A warmth fills my chest and I answer, “That I can do.” Holding a cupcake in each hand again, I head for the door. She shuffles in front of me to open it. Thank goodness. That would have been tough with my hands full. “Thank you. See you tonight at about five.”
“Sounds good. Thanks for your help this morning, Josh.”
That afternoon, I punish my body with an intense workout. When I get home, I savor my reward—Kenzie’s cupcakes.
Dinner goes great and we talk for hours until she’s nodding off. I help clean up before leaving at eight. When I get home, before I go to bed, I squeeze in a five-mile run on my treadmill and a quick soak in my hot tub.
As I lie in bed and drift off to sleep, I relive the feeling of being around Kenzie again. I don’t want to force things between us, but I know she needs help in the morning getting everything ready for the day. Since it’s the offseason, I figure I can do that at least until she tells me to go away or she hires someone. I’m hoping for the latter.