Page 27 of Slashed By You (Chicago Steel #5)
Chapter 27
Josh
D oes she hear the desperation in my voice? I need to make things right between us. Being away from her was torture. What’s worse is that I’m responsible for it. There’s only one answer: I need her back in my life. Looking at her, I can’t help but trace over the curves of her body. Some are old, and some are new, but they’re all heavenly. Every one acted like a beacon, calling me home. I just need her forgiveness before I can make that journey. I won’t be a headstrong conqueror, plowing through walls and demanding things. I’m determined to give her the time and space to decide on whether I’m worth another chance. Waiting for her answer, my fingers flex. I want to touch her, but more than that, I want to take away her pain.
“Okay,” she whispers, like she isn’t sure she wants me to hear. But I do, and I jump to my feet.
“Can you scoot forward and I can slide in behind you?” Anticipation of our first touch buzzes through my body. Keep it together. When I’m settled behind her, I lock my knees possessively around her hips. Being this close to her again feels amazing. The heat radiating between us is familiar and comforting.
Tentatively, I touch her by running a finger over her collarbone, and she shivers. Moving her hair out of the way, I’m dying to kiss her neck. You can’t. I shake my head and move on to massage her instead. Her head dips forward, and she releases a groan. Her muscles are tight, but after a few minutes of focused rubbing, she’s starting to relax.
“Does that feel better?” I ask when she’s gone limp and silent. Her bright eyes peer over her shoulder at me.
“It was incredible. Thank you so much. I could fall asleep.”
Just as I’m finishing up, my phone alerts me to a message. “Lunch is here. I’ll go get it. You want to eat out here?” She smiles and nods.
Slowly, I make my way to the front door. I need a minute. Being that close to Kenzie put me in a tailspin. My body is lit up like the Fourth of July, and I’m trying to control myself. Focusing on my breathing, I walk back into my kitchen to plate up the food when my world stops. Standing there, lifting on her toes, is Kenzie reaching into the cupboard for plates. After grabbing them, she lowers and spins around. My eye catches on the smile stretched across her gorgeous face. Just that simple gesture gives me more hope than I’ve had in the past few weeks. I’m about to stride over and wrap my arms around her when my brain reminds me she’s not ready for that. Instead, I move to the other side of the kitchen and begin unpacking the food. Once our plates are piled high, we head back out to the deck to enjoy lunch.
“This is so good.” Kenzie moans from across the table, and I shift in my chair. If she keeps moaning, it’s going to make things even harder, literally and figuratively.
Smiling, I catch her eye and lick my lips. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” I’m not trying to play with fire, but sitting across from me is the most irresistible woman I have ever met, and I want her to be mine again.
Her eyes dance and her cheeks turn pink. I remember the last time I saw this same expression grace her beautiful face. It was the night before I left for the series of games in the playoffs that we lost because of Norovirus. Kenzie had been complaining all week long that she’d been exhausted. Wanting her to get a good night’s rest, I devised a plan. I spent the evening alternating between giving her a full body massage and delivering orgasms until she drifted off to sleep completely sated. Little did I know it would be the last thing I’d do before I destroyed us.
Looking at her now, I wonder what would have been if I hadn’t been so quick to rush to judgment. I’ve missed so much. Determined not to miss anymore, I do the only thing I can—I ask about it. “Can you tell me about the pregnancy so far?” Hanging on every word, I learn that my little boy is six months along. He is growing like a champ. He moves more every day, and his favorite thing to do is tap dance on Kenzie’s bladder. Her laugh when she tells me all that warms my heart.
“When are you due?” I ask. I ordered some pregnancy books, but I haven’t read too much yet because I was busy setting up the nursery.
Kenzie wipes her mouth. “I’m due November 10 th .”
Consulting my mental calendar, I wonder if I’ll even be in town for the birth or if I’ll be on the road. I don’t want to miss it, but from what she says, babies come on their own schedules. “You said he moves a lot. Do you just feel that or can others?”
Her eyes sparkle and she smiles as she answers, “Until recently, it’s only been something I can feel, but in the last two weeks, I’ve felt him move on the outside.” Excitement builds up within me. I want to feel him.
“I hadn’t told anyone yet because I wasn’t quite ready to be accosted by everyone who wants to feel the baby move.”
I want to feel my son move, but I’m not going to force it.
“What’s with the frown?” she asks.
I reach up and touch my lips, confirming her accusation. “I want to feel him move, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Kenzie smiles at me. “Josh, you’ve never made me uncomfortable. If you want to feel him, you’ll need to come over here and put your hand where I tell you.”
Jumping out of my chair, I rush over to her side and sit next to her. Again, our bodies come into contact. My need to touch her makes me edgy. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin.
Reaching for my hand, she instructs, “Lay your hand right here.” I’m sure my son will kick me hard, especially after the way I’ve treated his mother. Lord knows, I certainly deserve it.
Her hand rests on top of mine and presses down. “Did you feel that?” she asks. I shake my head no. She taps our hands against her tiny bump and we wait. A short while later, I feel a flutter below our interlocked fingers.
“Wow,” I gasp in amazement. Staring down at our fingers, I wonder when that happened. It feels so good. I don’t want this moment to end.
Kenzie laughs. “I’m so glad you felt that because I have to pee again. As soon as I’m done, could you drive me home? Both the baby and I need a nap after that delicious meal.”
I nod my reply because I don’t want to actually say it. I want Kenzie to stay and nap here with me. But I can’t force this. I know it’s the right thing to bring her home, even though it’s killing me inside.
On the way back to her place, I feel like I’m floating. Shortly after getting in the car, she takes my hand in hers. It’s a struggle to focus on the road, especially while she’s tracing her fingertips across my skin. Her delicate touch sends warmth throughout my body. As I pull up to her apartment complex, I wish for five more minutes. Being in Kenzie’s space again is better than winning the Cup. I’ve never felt luckier. She’s it for me, and I’m desperate for another chance.
Unbuckling her seat belt, she shifts toward me. Her eyes dance as they watch me adore her. She is so beautiful. “Thanks for the nursery tour, lunch, and the ride home.”
“It was absolutely my pleasure. I’ve missed you, and it was so good to see you,” I confess.
Her cheeks pinken and she admits, “It was good to see you too. I have a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks if you want to come.”
My heart practically leaps out of my chest, and I stutter. “A-are you s-serious?” She smiles and nods. “Yes. I will definitely be there. Thank you for inviting me.” I grin like I’ve won the Mega Millions jackpot.
Feeling extra lucky, I figure I’ll take my shot. “Could I maybe bring dinner over tomorrow?” Her smile morphs into surprise. Uh-oh. Backpedaling, I say, “I know I’ve hurt you, but I want us to at least be friends. Our little man deserves to have parents who like each other.” Dropping my head, I can’t make eye contact with her. I want to confess that I want so much more than friendship, but now isn’t the time. Not knowing if she wants more has been a struggle. Coming to terms with that has been hard. In fact, in all honesty, I’m not sure I have. My brain refuses to accept it. I don’t want to just be friends with Kenzie. I want everything. And I know it’s selfish of me to want it, but I can’t help it. She’s the only woman I’ve ever wanted and ever will.
Clearing her throat, she squeaks out a timid “oh.” The air in my Tesla shifts, and suddenly I’m freezing. Kenzie’s silent for another few minutes before she whispers, “I think we can be friends. That would be better for everyone.” A shiver runs through my body. Her words sound so empty and devoid of any feeling. Before I can ask, she unlaces our hands and exits my car without another word. What just happened? Resting my head on the steering wheel, I replay the conversation over and over, looking for the moment things went sideways.