Page 22 of Slashed By You (Chicago Steel #5)

Chapter 22

Kenzie

I t’s been over a month since Josh decimated my heart. Tears spring up at the drop of a hat and I find it difficult to control. One moment I’m crying and the next I’m spitting mad. I’m sure the pregnancy hormones aren’t helping at all, but there’s nothing I can do about it. He said horrible things, but the worst was telling me he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. His baby . Just thinking about that fills me with an anger so intense that my blood pressure spikes and I have to sit down. My heart thumps and my breathing is labored as I think of how much his words shredded me and destroyed our happiness. When he walked away, he shattered my heart. How could he? It devastates me that my little bean won’t know his or her father. Frustration courses through my veins. Maybe that’s for the best. We don’t need him. I’m not going to force him to be part of our lives.

I’ve been having a rough time lately. When I’m not dealing with morning—or better yet, all-day—sickness, I’m trying to get enough sleep so I don’t mess up anything at the shop. Looking back, I see how far I’ve come. Those first days, I was so distraught that I struggled to do basic things. If it weren’t for Toby, I wouldn’t have gotten all the desserts ready for the Steel Your Heart gala. Because the Chicago Steel cosponsored it, I decided not to attend. I was there for delivery and set up, but I slipped away, leaving Toby in charge shortly before the event began.

Steph told me the event ran smoothly and Toby did a fantastic job. I knew he would, and that makes my decision about the shop even easier. My plan is to make some changes before I get too close to my due date. I’ve already started gathering resumes for bakers so I can hire one to handle the early morning prep. This will help before and after the baby arrives. Once the little bean is here, it won’t be smart to be at work at four a.m. I’m also going to promote Toby to the manager, so he’ll be the one in charge while I’m on maternity leave. Despite the challenges of being a single parent, the pieces are falling into place. On those days I feel abandoned and incredibly broken, I try to remember to be thankful and grateful for that.

Later this week, I have my anatomy scan. I’m only eighteen weeks pregnant, but my provider says we’ll see everything. I saw my little bean for the first time at my twelve-week appointment when they were doing some standard testing. Thankfully, nothing was detected. At this next appointment, where they’ll check how everything is developing, I’ll also learn if I’m having a boy or girl. I’ve been having dreams about having a son, but we shall see.

O n the day of my appointment, I wake up late—my old friend, nausea, putting on a show, and the hot water in my apartment malfunctioning. I look like a hot mess. I pull my hair up into a wild top knot. Dressing quickly, my clothes are wrinkled because I passed out last night before the dryer finished. My skin is an array of colors. I have deep circles under my eyes and my face is ghostly pale. I kind of look like the walking dead, especially when you consider my outfit: slouchy sweatpants and a stained tank top. I’m killing it today. If I entered a fashion show, I’d for sure take top honors as the Queen of Grunge. I laugh at myself, running my tongue against my teeth. At least they’re brushed. I remembered that after I’d gotten my third round of muffins in. This little bean is sucking all my energy and brain power out of my body. What will I be like by the end of the pregnancy? That’s a scary thought!

I push through the double doors with my arms full of bakery boxes that are filled with a customer’s order of specialty cookies. After I set them down, I spin around to check everything in the case is fine, and I freeze. Standing off to the side with an iced coffee in her hand is Kayla. I assumed after the last interaction she’d never be back, but apparently, I’m wrong about a lot of things lately.

“Kenzie,” she says, waving her fingers at me. Concentrating hard, I don’t roll my eyes.

“Kayla. Can I help you with something?” I ask in the nicest voice I can muster. She steps closer, eyeing me up and down. I can feel her judging me, and I find I don’t have it in me to care. “Kayla,” I say again.

“I’m here to check on Josh,” she says with a smirk. What is she playing at?

“Why?” I ask, feigning confusion.

She rattles her iced coffee in her hand, mixing it before she takes a sip and smiles. “Because he looked distraught in some pictures the paparazzi got of him last week, and I was worried about him. Is he okay?” Again, she’s full of fake concern.

Distraught? That doesn’t make sense. He walked away and left me and our baby. I lay my hand on my abdomen protectively. Why would he be upset? I look at Kayla and notice she’s staring at my hand with a look of disbelief in her eyes. Quickly, I move my hand, crossing my arms over my chest. “I don’t know why he’s upset. We’re no longer together.”

Kayla goes from shock to elation in a half-second, happily asking, “You aren’t?” Another smirk appears across her lips and my heart drops. Is she going to worm her way back into his life? I’m still pissed at him, but I should warn him. He doesn’t deserve to deal with her again. Just as I decide to reach out, his horrible words flash in my mind, “I don’t want to ever see you again,” and my heart sinks. I dismiss the urge to help him. He doesn’t need me looking out for him. He made that pretty clear.

“Kayla, is there anything I can get you?” Please say no. I need to get away from her. She makes me want to rage.

Before I can do just that, she answers. “Nope. You’ve been more than helpful.” Then she blows me an air kiss before sauntering away. That’s a lost hope if she thinks she has another chance with him. After what she did to Josh, I can’t believe he’d entertain that. But then again, I thought the way he treated me was out of character too. Maybe I don’t know him at all.

Toby rushes up to me and says, “You’re going to be late. You need to leave for your appointment now .”

For my anatomy scan, I decide to take the train into town so I don’t have to worry about parking. It feels so good to walk to the station, and it’s such a nice day out. I arrive at my doctor’s office right on time and am run through all the normal weight and blood pressure checks. The appointment goes really well. When I see the baby, I think my heart’s going to explode with joy. My favorite part is hearing my baby’s heartbeat. It’s surreal. The whooshing sound I hear in real time steals my breath. My heart fills with love for my little bean. I guess I shouldn’t be referring it to as a bean anymore; the baby is now the size of a bell pepper, at least that’s what my pregnancy app tells me. The sonographer measures and documents how my baby is growing and tells me everything looks right on track. Toward the end of the appointment, when I can’t take the suspense anymore, I ask her to tell me if I’m having a girl or boy. Moving her transducer, she zeros in on the answer. I squint my eyes, trying to decipher what she sees, but obviously, my eye isn’t as keen as hers.

“It’s a boy,” she declares, and I feel my heart skip a beat. We’re having a boy. Not we … I’m having a boy. Butterflies take flight in my stomach, and my nerves fray. I don’t know anything about being a mom, much less a boy mom.

“Congratulations,” the sonographer says, breaking me from my worries. The sound of her cheerful voice gives me hope. I’m tough. I can do this. I’ll figure it out. Feeling confident again, happy tears gather in my eyes.

“Thank you,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. Wiping the gel off my stomach, I breathe a sigh of relief. Our baby is perfect. Josh’s face appears in my mind and I quickly push it away. I can’t say ours . He doesn’t want us. My baby boy is perfect. I pull my shirt over my tiny bump, rubbing it and speaking softly. “It’s you and me, buddy. I love you so much. I can’t wait to meet you.”

After my appointment, while riding the train, I text Steph and Toby to tell them they’re going to have a nephew to spoil in a few months. Both reply to me with absolute excitement. Even though they aren’t family, they’re the next best thing.

Now that I know I’m having a boy, I should call my parents and share the news that I’m pregnant. I’m nervous because I’m not sure what their reaction will be. When I get home, I decide to FaceTime them instead of calling.

As the request rings, my heart pounds in my chest, my hands sweat, and my stomach flutters. Now that I think about it, maybe that last bit is the baby. My provider said his movements would feel like little bubbles. It’s all still so new. I’m not sure if it’s the baby or gas. Lately, I’ve been craving Mexican food, and sometimes it makes me gassy. You know, beans and all. Or maybe it’s my little guy telling me to watch the spice. Setting my hand on my bump, I say, “It’s okay, little man. Mom will remember to order mild next time.”

My iPad screen flashes and soon I’m looking at my mom. Her long brown hair is swept up into a bun. Looking at the clock, I see she must be on her lunch break. My parents meet at home on most work days to have lunch together. It’s adorable.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Kenzie, darling, how are you?”

Smiling, I answer, “I’m good. How are you? How’s Dad? Is he home too?”

After a moment, I hear the shuffle of my dad’s footsteps on the vinyl kitchen flooring. Then he appears next to Mom. “Is that my Kenzie I hear?” Mom nods and I smile. I have the best parents.

“Hey, Dad. How are you?”

“Doing great, doll. How are you? How’s the shop? Any new recipes for me to taste test?” I laugh while my mom tsks at him. When she’s done, I answer his questions.

“I’m good and so is the shop. And yes, I have a few new recipes I think you’d very much like. You just need to visit.”

“Your mom was just telling me that the other day. When would be best to come?”

“I’m in the process of hiring another baker and promoting Toby to manager, so I should have more freedom in the next few months.”

I hear my mom clap her hands together and say, “I love Toby. I’m so glad you’re promoting him. He is such a sweet boy. I always wondered why you two didn’t go out.”

I almost choke on my tongue.

“Mom, Toby is my best friend… and—” I start.

“And what?” she presses. Just tell her.

“Mom, Toby is gay. Plus, I was sort of seeing someone,” I confess.

My dad’s brow arches before he clears his throat. “Kenzie, what does that mean?” I wring my hands together. How am I going to tell them this?

“Well, we were seeing each other and now we aren’t.” I end that topic because I don’t want to have this in-depth relationship talk with my parents.

“B-but…” I stutter. “That’s why I’m calling. Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant. You’re going to be grandparents. Congratulations!” My parents sit there silently. Did I make a mistake in telling them?

Another minute passes and my mom blinks several times before she begins with her questions. This could go either way. “Is the father the guy you were dating? Where is he? When are you due? How are you feeling? What can we do to help?” I breathe a sigh of relief. Only care and concern are in her voice. Now to answer her questions.

“I’m due in the middle of November with a little boy. He’s growing like a champ and everything I’ve had done from bloodwork to ultrasounds, show he’s healthy and perfect. I’m doing good too. The first trimester was tough. I had all-day sickness and was exhausted. But that’s all seemed to have resolved and I am feeling so much better.”

“Oh, that is so good to hear. And a little boy. How exciting!” Now to the fun part. Tears well up in my eyes as I think about Josh and how much I miss him and wish he were a part of this. Swiping at my nose, I look at the screen. Go on, Kenzie. Tell them.

“Y- you asked about the father. Yes, it was my boyfriend, and I’d rather not go into details about what happened between us. But I will tell you he’s chosen to not be a part of our lives.” I hear my mom gasp, and that is the trigger to make my tears finally fall.

Mom’s sweet voice wobbles as she says, “I’m so sorry, Kenzie. What can I do?”

I force a smile and sniffle, knowing I have to be strong. “It’s okay, Mom. I have a plan. My situation isn’t ideal, but I’m not going to force someone to be in my life if they’d rather not be.”

Dad weighs in next, his deep voice filling the line. “There’s my girl. Strong as ever. You’ve never been afraid of hard work. You will succeed at becoming a mother just as you’ve succeeded at CakeStop. I love you and am so proud of you.” Strength be damned. Still feeling broken over Josh’s dismissal, tears cascade down my cheeks.

Mom pipes back in. “I love you, Kenzie, and I know this is going to be the luckiest little boy. He won the jackpot getting you as his mom.”

It’s official. I have the world’s greatest parents. “I love you both,” I cry.

My dad, who has never been comfortable with tears, clears his throat. “So, if I’m understanding correctly, it looks like before Thanksgiving is a good time to visit?”

Wiping away the tears, I answer, “That would be fantastic. Thank you.”

“There’s no place we’d rather be,” Dad answers. Meanwhile, Mom is debating if she’ll be called Grandma, Nana, Gigi, or Grammy. I see my dad’s eyes roll, and I just laugh. It’s nice to have some levity after the dark clouds that have been hanging overhead.