Page 18 of Slashed By You (Chicago Steel #5)
Chapter 18
Kenzie
W aking up next to him this morning is surreal. Last night was pivotal for our relationship. My heart is still giddy with excitement. He loves me. The man who was so sure he would never have a relationship, who seemed so far out of my league, loves me.
Sinking back into the covers, the knowledge of his love warms me. I’ve never been happier. Josh sleeps peacefully beside me, and I should be tired, considering we only got a few hours of sleep, but I’m not. I close my eyes, remembering all the ways he made me feel beautiful and sensual last night. Sex between us has always been hot and explosive, but last night was different. We connected in another way that was more akin to making love than having sex. It was slow, tender, and intentional. And it was divine. I’ve never felt more connected to anyone.
Being a professional athlete, it seems he’s out of town more than he’s home. Home. That’s what it is now. Before, it was a tiny space that fit in my price range. It was where I could sleep when I wasn’t at the shop. Now it was something I craved. Since Josh, it’s become my fortress of happiness.
Because of my early hours at the bakery, I hadn’t made it to any of his games yet and I feel like a terrible girlfriend. Josh says it doesn’t matter. He knows I watch them from our bed until I pass out.
The next time he’s in town for a series, I arrange a surprise for him with a little help from Stephanie and Tristan. Because he’s the coach, Tristan hooks me up with some incredible seats. And now, here I sit in the front row, directly across from their team bench. Stephanie sits with me, trying to calm me as nerves riddle my anxious body. Dressed in a Logan jersey, and armed with a handmade sign that reads “I’m in love with the captain,” I wait for Josh to notice me.
As he skates circles around the ice to warm up, his level of focus impresses me. Most of his teammates have seen me, and they all watch for the moment he does. With a fist bump, Ace says something to him. His expression goes from happy-go-lucky to intense in seconds. He runs his gaze over the stands, looking for something. Did Ace tell him I’m here? Yes, he did.
When his eyes land on me, a giant smile spreads across his gorgeous face. I push the sign forward and his smile grows wider. He skates over and I stand up and go to him. He removes his glove and spreads his palm out on the Plexiglass. I place mine against his. I can feel the heat radiating through the barrier.
“I love you, Kenz,” he mouths.
Overcome with the emotion of it, I laugh and mouth back, “I love you too .”
He looks over at Stephanie and thanks her.
“Coach,” she hollers back. His bright baby blues settle on me again and he winks. Putting his glove back on, he skates over to the bench and fist bumps Tristan.
Watching his game is absolutely incredible. The excitement of the fans, the speed of their play. The horns that blast when they score. It’s all so intense. At the end of the game, which they win 4-1, my body buzzes with energy. Stephanie takes me down to the players’ tunnel to wait for Josh and Tristan, and the excitement over the win saturates the air.
As the captain, Josh is the last to leave the locker room. But when he does, he’s never looked more handsome. His blond hair is still damp and tousled. Dressed in a suit, he looks like he’s ready for the catwalk. Damn, he’s sexy. With his chest puffed out, he strides out with confidence. Without missing a beat, he pulls me into his arms. My legs wrap around him as we cling to each other. He buries his head in my neck and says, “Kenz, I love you.” He pulls back and his eyes are filled with emotion.
“I love you too.” I smile, happier than I’ve ever been.
T he excitement of that night carries us through the next few away series. Recently, I’ve become more comfortable when he’s away. Do I miss him? Terribly. But the excitement that lights his eyes when he returns makes it bearable. And I’ve gotten back into reading, so during the time he’s gone, I bury my head in the latest steamy romances. The only drawback is the feverish dreams I have and not having any way to curb my overactive libido. Josh supports my reading habit fully, especially after the favorable reception home he receives.
As March turns to April and then to May, Stephanie and I finalize the plans for the dessert tables for the upcoming Steel You Heart gala.
Steph had quickly become one of my best friends. When time permits, we hang out, share a meal, catch a movie, or go for a late pedicure. She’s amazing, and I’m a very lucky woman to be included in her inner circle. Like me, Steph is a private person. But she’s also one of the kindest, most sincere and loving women in my life.
Steph walks around the counter to me and gives me a big hug. Dressed in a black power suit with a sheer royal-blue lace top, she looks like she should be running a high-stakes meeting, not slumming it in my shop.
“How are you?” I ask.
“I’m better now,” she answers with a wide smile. Squeezing her tight, I notice her zippered binder.
Tapping it, I question, “Got the final numbers and dessert approval?”
“Sure do.” She smiles.
We move to a table, and Toby brings us both a warm drink—coffee for her and peppermint tea for me. When they’re set on the table, she looks at the beverages. “You’re having tea?”
I nod, then answer, “My stomach’s been upset the past few days, and peppermint tea and saltines are the only thing that seem to temper it.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. What do you think it is?” Steph leans in to make our conversation more private.
“Honestly, I’m hoping it’s just nerves. I want this gala to top last year’s.” As we’re reviewing the list of desserts, Steph gasps. “Are you okay?” I ask. She swallows hard and her eyes go wide. “What?” I’m desperate to know what has her so spooked.
Looking around, she leans in and whispers, “Kenz… could you be pregnant?”
Stunned by her question, I sit back. “No. There is no way.”
“Okay, that’s probably good. Maybe it’s something viral?” Then, without a second thought, she’s off to another talking point. As she confirms using the same venue and layout, I ruminate on her pregnancy suspicion. Could I be pregnant? No, we always use protection, and I’ve had a period each month. Thinking back, though, those last few were different. They were more spotting than anything. Then, as if a lightning bolt strikes me, I flash back to that February night when we confessed our love for each other. Josh hadn’t used a condom, had he? Realization sets in. He’d gone bare. At first it surprised me, and right when I was about to say something, my third orgasm for the night ripped through me, washing it from my brain. Maybe I am pregnant? I can’t be. This is too soon. Suddenly I’m way too hot. Touching my brow, I feel it’s damp. My stomach churns like it’s trying to turn buttermilk into butter. What am I going to do? Thoughts of what my reality could be in just under seven months slam into me like a semi.
“Uh, Steph,” I mumble in a shaky voice.
Her gaze flicks to mine and a worried look stretches across her face. “What is it, Kenz?”
“I could be pregnant. We didn’t use a condom once, a little over two months ago.”
Steph reaches out and pats my arm. She smiles and tells me it’ll be okay. I try to believe her, but my thoughts are chaotic, and I’m pulled into a spiral of worry. “Kenz, you should take a test and find out.” I nod my head, but I can’t force myself to speak. Noticing my panic, she says. “Okay, I’ll text work and tell them I’m out for the rest of the day for personal reasons, then I’ll run to the store up the street and grab one. Will you be okay for five minutes?” Again, I nod without speaking. “Oh, honey. It’ll be okay. We’ll get answers first and then go from there.”
Twenty minutes later, both huddled together in the bakery’s tiny bathroom, I’m staring down at two pink lines. My mouth drops open in disbelief and shock, and I start to sob. I don’t know what to feel. Elated? Scared? Steph wraps her arms around me, my hands clutching the back of her shirt like she’s my only life raft in all of this. This isn’t the right time. Josh just told me he loved me. He doesn’t want a baby already.
“Steph,” I mumble. Pulling back, she tucks a stray hair behind my ear and dabs at my tears with a tissue. “How am I going to tell Josh?”
Steph looks straight into my eyes and says confidently, “You just tell him, and he either steps up or doesn’t.” My heart cracks at the thought of him leaving me. Would he? Thoughts of Kayla pop into my head. He’s been here before and he stepped up for Kayla and he didn’t even love her. He has to do the same for me, right?
Feeling more confident, I say, “You’re right. I need to tell him. It’ll all be okay. He loves me. Maybe it’s not the best time, but babies are happy blessings.” Steph smiles at me.
“You are so right,” she agrees.
For the next few days, I waffle between confidence about telling him and fear of how he’ll handle it. I know telling him will be a challenge, based on what Kayla did to him and how hurt he still seems about their fictional baby. From what he says, I believe he was invested one hundred percent in making things work for his baby. I know he’ll be an excellent father. But right now, I’m riding the fence in guessing how he’ll react. When he’s home next week, I’ll tell him. I want to do it in person, not while he’s in another city vying for a position in the Stanley Cup playoffs.
Two days later, early in the morning, my phone rings. Seeing that it’s Steph, I answer right away.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Kenz, did you hear from Josh?” Panic registers. Why?
“Not today. We talked last night. What’s up?” I ask.
“I talked to Tristan this morning. It looks like half the team contracted Norovirus, so they’re out for the rest of the playoffs. The entire team is planning to stay in Colorado for a few days until they’re all healthy enough to travel home. As far as I know, Josh hasn’t become ill.”
I’m relieved, except now I have to wait longer to tell Josh he’s going to be a dad.
My phone rings several times while I’m at the bakery, and every time I see that it’s Josh calling, I let it go to voicemail. I know avoiding him isn’t the answer, but I’m too chicken to talk to him. What if I blurt out I’m pregnant? Determined that isn’t how I want to tell him, I decide the safer approach is to ignore his calls.
About an hour before we close, while I’m elbow-deep in bread dough, Toby pops his head back and hollers at me. “Kenz, Josh is on the phone. He said he’s tried calling you several times today, but you haven’t answered. He sounds worried.”
Looking up from my sticky dough, I blow the stray hairs out of my face. “Toby, can you tell him I’m fine and I’ll talk to him later when I’m not in the middle of something?”
Seeing that I’m busy, he smiles, turns on his heel, and heads back up front, presumably to tell Josh what I just said.
Five minutes later, he’s back with a stern look on his face. Before he even begins, he crosses his arms and scowls. “Kenz, what is going on? Why haven’t you answered your phone today? You always answer his calls.”
Afraid if I speak, I’ll confess my pregnancy to Toby, I attempt to remain guarded and say little. “I’m just tired, Toby. That’s all. I haven’t slept well the last few weeks, and it’s finally caught up to me and I’m grouchy.”
He shrugs. “That’s understandable. But I don’t think he’d mind if you were grumpy, hangry, or PMSing. He’s crazy about you.” Then he pauses, squints his eyes, and studies me. “But I don’t think that’s what it is. Something else is going on. I can feel it. And you aren’t ready to tell me.”
I frown. Usually I tell Toby everything, but I can’t tell him I’m pregnant before I tell Josh. Frustrated and overwhelmed, I squeeze my eyes closed and a single tear rolls down my cheek.
Toby rushes to me and wraps his arms around me. “It’s okay, Kenz. You can tell me when you’re ready. I love you and I’m here for you, no matter what.” Nodding, I let out the breath I’d sucked in when I’d been trying to stop myself from crying. Relief that I didn’t upset my friend gives me a minimal escape from my worries. Toby squeezes me and then steps back. “I’m going to give you some space. If you need me, just holler. I’ll close up the front and deliver the donations.”
“Thanks, Toby,” I say with a shaky voice. Another squeeze and he disappears, leaving me alone with nothing but my worries.