Page 12 of Slashed By You (Chicago Steel #5)

Chapter 12

Kenzie

I n just a few short weeks, Josh has wormed his way into my heart. I’m still leery, of course. I have so many questions. Why me? Is this for real? Is this just a passing fancy? All I know is I’m intrigued. Every time he’s near, my heart thunders in my chest and a thousand butterflies take flight in my stomach. When he looks at me, my breath catches and I feel dizzy. When we touch, platonically, of course, my pulse skyrockets, and goose bumps cover my body. And the way he smells. It’s not only hot and heady, but incredibly addictive. He is all man, and I find it irresistible with a capital I.

Since that first extended visit to CakeStop at four a.m., he’s been back several times, and it always surprises me. Even though his season is over, it baffles me why he’d want to waste precious sleep time with me. The Steel lost the series against the Vegas Stars and are no longer vying for the Cup, so he has the next few months off. He doesn’t come by every day, but he visits a few times a week, and not only does he make me the best mochas, but he helps make cupcakes and now cookies. I’ve discovered how detail-oriented Josh is. He always measures everything twice and follows the recipe perfectly. He’s become an excellent assistant.

While readying the chocolate chip cookie balls on their cookie sheets, he asks, “Hey, Kenz, what do you think about adding something new to your repertoire?”

I stop pouring the flour into the mixer for our next batch of oatmeal, craisin, and white chocolate chip cookies and turn to him. “What are you thinking?”

“Ever had a brookie?”

Turning the mixer on, I head back over to the prep table. “No, I haven’t but I’ve heard they are good.”

He laughs and gives me a panty-dropping smile. “They’re absolutely delicious.”

Putting my hands on my hips, I tilt my head and say, “I thought you stayed away from desserts because of your diet.”

Josh puts his hands up. “Easy there, sheriff. I tasted a small one at the hotel in Vegas when we were there for the playoffs.” Then he winks, and I’m just like a moth to a flame, mesmerized.

Smiling at him as if he hung the stars, I agree. “I could try that. But since it’s your idea, you have to help me.”

He sets down the last cookie on the baking sheet and steps closer, reaching out to touch my arm. His fingers heat my skin. “I’m in,” he declares. His words are simple, but they’re heavy, as if they’re loaded with unsaid meaning. Maybe I’m hearing what I want to hear. Or seeing what I want to see. Maybe none of it is real, just a figment of my lust-soaked brain? Why does it feel so good to have him near? What does it mean that I want to be closer? I don’t understand what I’m feeling, but it’s leaving me out of breath and worked up.

“Okay.” My answer sounds breathy as it leaves my parched lips. I lick them and notice Josh watching me, focused on my lips. Is he thinking about kissing me? I’m not sure I’m ready for that. For him. But damn, that’s all I want. No matter what my head says.

After a month of testing different batter options, we nail down the perfect brookie recipe. That day starts like any other. But shortly after we begin mixing the batters, it feels like the air in the kitchen becomes supercharged. It all starts when Josh reaches over the commercial mixer to add the semi-sweet chips to the cookie batter. No matter how hard I try, I can’t drag my eyes away from the pull of his cargo pants across his muscular ass. Making myself focus on something else, Josh adds the rest of the ingredients to the mixers. When everything is combined, he brings the mixing bowl over to the workspace. And again, I find myself gawking. This time, it’s the flex of his arms in his white cotton shirt. Hello, gun show.

“Is it hot in here?” I rasp while moving to the shop’s back door. As I prop it open, I take in a few quick breaths, hoping to calm down my libido. Unfortunately, all it does is chill me and make my nipples pebble. Looks like it’s the wrong day to have worn a thin sports bra under my tank top. Josh’s wink when I return to the counter confirms he spotted my misbehaving headlights. The tension between us is new and exciting, kind of like our new baked concoction. When we finally unveil it, customers will hoot and holler, eager to try something new.

Within the first week, reviews are in and it’s so well received, the brookie makes its way onto the permanent menu. Josh’s idea is an enormous hit. Before I know it, summer is over and I’m gearing up for fall. I add pies to the menu and hire a part-time baker just for that. Josie, a retiree, comes in about four hours a day. In the mornings, I prep the dough and fillings so all she has to do is assemble and bake them. We’ve worked out a great system, and with all the steady business from the Steel Your Heart gala and word of mouth, the bakery is bursting at the seams with business.

Josh still comes by a few early mornings during the week, but I know when hockey begins next month, those visits will disappear. I really hope he doesn’t. Over the past almost four months, we’ve become incredibly close. Nothing physical has happened between us other than hugging, and it’s hard not to wonder why. He’s become my best friend. We’ve shared all our secrets over baked goods. He even told me about his family and the drama surrounding his grandfather’s estate.

“Hey, Josh. Can I ask you a question?”

He lifts his head from the loaf of bread he’s working, instead focusing his attention on me. “Sure, you can ask me anything.”

Nodding, I say, “I know it wasn’t easy telling me about your family, but I’m curious about something else.” My nerves are on full alert. Should I be asking this?

“Okay, what do you want to know?”

“Will you tell me what happened with Kayla?” I ask in a rush, then hold my breath.

He stops kneading the bread and looks up at the ceiling. Did I make a mistake by asking him about her?

Taking a moment, he breathes out slowly. “Kayla was a puck bunny that I hooked up with on New Year’s Eve a few years ago. About six weeks later, she showed up outside practice, telling me she was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do or say, so we went to a coffee shop to talk. I didn’t want the news of her pregnancy getting out, so we kept it quiet. We started spending time together, getting to know each other. I figured it would be better to co-parent with her if we were on friendly terms.”

I nod, and he continues. “As the weeks passed and the idea that I was going to become a father sank in, the more excited I became.” He gives me a half-smile, and I smile back.

“The day before we were supposed to see the baby on ultrasound for some testing, she miscarried. I came home from an away series to find her at my house, distraught. It was the worst fucking day of my life. My heart broke that day, and it hasn’t been the same since.” He lets out a shaky breath, as if he’s remembering all the pain he endured.

“I’m so sorry, Josh. I did not know,” I say.

“We were thrust together in grief over our mutual loss. Before I knew it, she was living with me and we were dating. Only it wasn’t real.”

“I don’t understand,” I say.

“Yes, she lived with me. And in front of the cameras, we did all the things couples would do, but behind closed doors, we lived separate lives. She remained my plus one, and I financed her lavish lifestyle, all because we were tied together by a tragedy. But the story doesn’t end there. For two years we lived as a couple until one night I came home early. I overheard her talking to her best friend, admitting that she was never pregnant and therefore couldn’t have had a miscarriage. That night, after I caught her in her lies, I kicked her out.”

Enraged on Josh’s behalf, I hiss under my breath, “I hate her.”

“Yeah? You and me both, babe,” he mutters.

It’s true. Kayla is horrible, and if I ever meet her, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m literally shaking. I am so angry. What a conniving bitch. I didn’t realize that when I first met Josh, it was her posts that clouded my opinion of him.

“ T his day is going to be hell,” I say to the dough I’m working. It’s Monday again, and I didn’t sleep well last night. I tossed and turned, and I don’t know why. I got up at two and got here about three.

A lazy beat is rapped on the bakery’s back door. My heart thunders in my chest. It’s Josh. Smiling, I wipe my hands on my apron and head to the door to let him in. “Good Morn—” I start. “Josh?” I don’t see anyone, or I should say I can’t see anyone through the gigantic bouquet in front of me. It’s beautiful . Lifting on my toes, I try again. “Josh… are you there?” A deep laugh accompanies the bouncing, bright arrangement.

Josh lowers the flowers and answers, “Yeah, I’m here.” I step back, letting him inside.

Confused, I ask, “Are you going somewhere after this? I mean, if you have something else to do this morning, you aren’t obligated to come to the bakery at the ass crack of dawn.” Josh looks at me with a stern expression. That’s new. I’m not sure I like it directed at me.

“No, I’m not going anywhere after here. And there’s no other place I’d rather be.”

Pointing to the flowers, I say, “Okay. So what’s with those?”

“Can’t I just get a gorgeous girl some flowers and have it not be a big deal?”

Am I the gorgeous girl he’s talking about? He’s never said that before. How does he feel about me? What is he saying? Confused, I shake my head no.

“No? Why not?” he growls.

I turn away from him, unsure of how I’m feeling. I’ve been interested in Josh since the first time he showed up at my bakery. But it’s been months, and he’s never once hinted he feels anything more than friendly toward me. Everything has remained platonic, despite my heart and body screaming for more. Each time I see him, I have to lock my heart down and remind myself I’m lucky to have him at least as my best friend. But I know that will have to change when he eventually dates someone. Many people believe men and women can’t be friends, and I don’t want to impede his happiness if he finds the woman of his dreams. It doesn’t matter that he’s the man of mine.

Setting down the flowers, Josh turns me back toward him and pulls me close. It’s heaven being wrapped in his arms, but I need to get over that and move on, because at some point, he’ll find someone else and I’ll lose him.

“Kenz, talk to me.” I refuse to look up. I bury my head in his chest and shake my head no as tears well up in my eyes. I don’t want to lose him. In such a short time, he’s become my best friend. “Please, Kenz. What’s going on? I didn’t think bringing you flowers would upset you.”

I push back from his chest. “I just don’t understand why you did. No one has ever bought me flowers before,” I confess through sniffles.

Wiping a stray tear from my cheek, he says, “I wanted to buy you flowers because you’re special to me and I wanted to ask you something.” Panic sets in. What does he want to ask me? Oh no. What if he wants me to make a special cake or dessert for a woman he’s interested in? That’ll kill me.

Knowing I need answers before I further spin out of control, I push the conversation forward. “Thank you, Josh, for the flowers. They’re beautiful. I love them.” I look at the stunning bouquet and smile. Then I move my gaze back to him. “Now, what do you need to ask me?”

He shifts his weight like he’s nervous, and my stomach churns. I really hope I don’t throw up. “I’m not sure how to ask this. I mean, I’ve practiced it a hundred times in my head, but now I can’t seem to get my thoughts out.” I nod my understanding, unable to help him.

Standing there in silence, Josh reaches down and grabs my hand. It feels cold and clammy. Is he okay? I rub my thumb over the top of it, offering comfort. And finally, he speaks. “So, we’ve been friends for a few months, and I feel like we’ve gotten pretty close.” I again nod my head, encouraging him to keep talking. “In fact, if I were to label us, I’d probably say you were my best friend.” I look up to see his wide smile and it matches my own. But then my heart stutters. Is that all he thinks of me?

Josh clears his throat. “What I’m trying to say is… I like you more than friends, and I was hoping you’d go out on a date with me.”

I think I’ve heard him incorrectly. Did he just ask me out? “What?” I gasp.

He pulls me in tight. “Kenz, go on a date with me, please?”

“Are you joking with me?” I mumble into his chest, afraid of his answer.

He nudges my head up and stares into my eyes, then says in a serious tone, “No. I’m not joking. I’ve wanted to ask you out since I met you at the gala, but you seemed hesitant to even talk to me; you kept me at a distance. So, I waited until I couldn’t anymore and then I worked to earn your friendship, to build a firm foundation for our relationship. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I want nothing more than to take you out.”

As if his words haven’t stunned me, his next move does. Leaning down, he picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He squeezes my ass while he lowers his lips to mine. As soon as they touch, I’m lost. In the moment. In him . Nothing has ever felt better. This isn’t my first kiss, but it’s already climbing the ranks to my best, and we’ve only just begun. Or I hope so.

Josh pulls me in tighter and I mewl into his mouth. He takes advantage and slips his tongue inside. Before I can think, his tongue is massaging mine, and then he’s nipping at my lower lip. My heart races and my whole-body shivers. When he pulls back, I whimper. I’m disappointed until he lowers me slowly, sliding my body down his, and I feel his firm erection rub against me. Oh my gosh. Did I do that to him? I know he’s lit my body on fire and it’s begging for more, but wow.

“Josh,” I pant as he drops his forehead to mine. His muscular arms wrap protectively around me and I’ve never felt safer or more desired. I can hear the pounding of his heart as I lay my head on his chest.

“Sorry, Kenz. I got a little carried away. I’ve been dying to kiss you for months, and once I saw an opening, I took it. Honestly, I wasn’t planning that. I’m not trying to rush you.” This man is adorable. Even his apology is tender and thoughtful.

“N-no, that’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I-I really wanted to do that too,” I sputter out, relieved. But where do we go from here? Now that he’s kissed me, are we a couple? Does he want to be? If he doesn’t, what does that mean? Can I handle it either way? I mean, he’s him and I’m… well, I’m me. We certainly aren’t the typical pairing.

Lost in thought, I feel Josh pull back. My heart drops and my gut turns. Is this where he tells me it was a mistake? I don’t think I could handle that. Worries and fears whiz through my mind.

“Kenz, can you look at me?” he asks as he tries to tip my chin up. I hadn’t realized I dropped my head because I’d been so lost in my thoughts.

Afraid, I force my head up and look into his soft blue eyes. “Tell me what you’re thinking,” he demands. I shake my head no. There is no way I’m telling him about all the chaos taking up space in my head. He’ll think I’m crazy or obsessed with him. And if I had to admit it… I kind of am. He’s become very special to me.

“Feeling shy?” he asks, and I just nod because these lips of mine aren’t opening. Otherwise, I’ll probably spill everything I’m feeling and it will send him running from the bakery, never to be heard from again.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what I’m thinking.” He waits for a minute, seeing if I’ll interject. These lips are sealed. I have to hear what he’s going to say. When he speaks, I’m flabbergasted. “Kenz, I want to take you out. Date you. See where this goes.” Well, that sound’s simple. Much simpler than all the chaos bouncing around in my gray matter.

“Okay,” I whisper.

Josh’s mouth drops open in surprise. “Really?” Why does he look shocked?

“Why are you so surprised?” Did he think I’d say no?

Nervously, he laughs. “I wasn’t sure you’d say yes.”

Assuming he needs an ego boost, I pat his chest and then dramatically roll my eyes. “Okay, big guy. Who wouldn’t want to go out with you?”

He clears his throat, drops his voice, and admits, “I couldn’t tell if you were interested.”

Realizing he’s not looking for a compliment, I say, “Josh, you are sweet, funny, and gorgeous. And you’re my best friend. Of course, I’m interested in you. I’m just out of your league, so I said nothing.”

He pulls me into a tight hug, kisses my head, and tells me, “Kenz, you’ve got it all wrong. You’re too good for me .”

I gasp in disbelief and he hugs me tighter. “But you said yes, so I’m taking it.” I laugh against his chest while sucking in his amber and leather cologne. He smells so good. All. The. Damn. Time.

He pulls back with a grin. “Now that that’s out of the way, don’t we have some baking to do?”

Throughout the rest of the morning, we bake, laugh, flirt, and exchange sweet kisses. When we’re done prepping for the day, Josh pulls me into his arms and kisses me senseless. Is this what I have to look forward to? If so, I’m ready for it. This… us… feels so right.

Lost in each other, I’m oblivious to my surroundings. A gasp, followed by a high-pitched squeal, fills my ears. Then I hear a slow clap. I turn my head toward it and there stands Toby. “About time, you two.” Josh just laughs.

“Guess that’s my sign to go,” he says, then softly kisses my lips and nose before he pulls away from me. “We’ll talk later?” I just nod. Then he fist bumps Toby and leaves. Meanwhile, my body is still trying to catch up.

Slapping his hands together right in my face, Toby brings me to. I slowly blink until my focus is clear. “Huh?” I ask.

“What did I just witness?” he questions impatiently.

I’m not sure what to say, so I wipe my hands on my apron. “Umm… well… you see…” I stammer.

Toby’s voice raises an octave. “I saw, all right.” I want to giggle, but I’m not sure if he’s excited or angry, so I tamp it down.

“Toby, it was a kiss,” I say, hoping I sound calmer than I feel. Inside, I’m a wreck. Albeit a happy one. I still don’t know how to wrap my mind around what just happened. What it all means. I haven’t had many relationships, but this one seems so much more.

Toby crosses his arms. “That, missy”—he pauses for dramatic effect—“wasn’t just a kiss. I knew it felt electric in the air when I walked in, and now I know why. You two have major sparks.” I guess I’m not the only one who sensed that.

I turn toward the prep table to start on some cupcakes. Because of all the talking and that kiss, I’m now way behind.

“Did he bring you those gorgeous flowers too?” I grin, walking over to the brightly colored bouquet. Toby takes it all in, then says, “what a man,” while fanning himself.

I roll my eyes because I know he’s going to get worse before he moves on. “Toby,” I sternly say. His head whips to me. “If you’re going to continue grilling me, the least you can do is help.” He groans. He’s a hard worker and probably my best employee, but he hates helping me bake. He isn’t so good at following a recipe, and that’s pretty critical when you’re a baker.

“Okay, Kenz. What do you need me to do?”

In the half-hour before the bakery opens, we’ve got a better handle on everything. Thank goodness.

Before heading back to the front, Toby looks at me and says, “I know all this is exciting, and it’s hard not to be sucked into Josh’s charm, but…” He stops talking, almost as if he’s afraid to say what he’s thinking. I look at him, hoping he’ll continue, and a few moments later, he does. “Just please protect yourself. I only want to see you happy.”

“Thanks, Toby.”