Page 28 of Slashed By You (Chicago Steel #5)
Chapter 28
Kenzie
E verything had been going so well… until Josh mentioned us being friends. I try the word on my tongue. Friends . Not only does it sound wrong, but it feels wrong too. To him, a friendship isn’t bad, we’re having a child together. But until I heard him say it, I didn’t realize how much more I wanted. I miss being loved by him so much. Sometimes it actually hurts to breathe. I don’t want to just be friends. I need more. Feeling cast aside, I knew I needed to leave before my overly hormonal, emotional self lost it. I didn’t need to cry in front of him. He didn’t need to know I still wanted him. Especially since he didn’t want me anymore. Getting over him was already proving difficult, but now that he was asking to be part of our lives, it was going to be impossible.
Walking into my apartment, my body slumps as the emotion of the past fifteen minutes sinks in. I’m glad the upcoming doctor appointment I invited Josh to is still a few weeks away. I’ll have some time to construct a Josh-proof box I can stuff my still-raw feelings into.
The next morning, bright and early, I’m at the shop making cookies, bread, and cupcakes when I hear a familiar rap on the back door. I quickly dust off my hands. “It must be Toby,” I tell myself as I walk to the door. Pushing it open, I expect my best friend with his arms full or some other excuse for needing help, but it isn’t Toby. Surprised, all I say is, “It’s you.”
Josh gives me a killer smile, which makes my heart flutter. “Can I come in? I’d offer to make you a coffee, but last night I did some reading and found out you aren’t supposed to have too much caffeine.” Why is he here? We hadn’t discussed this. Looking at the clock, it reads six a.m. Friends don’t show up at six in the freaking morning. Confused, I look at him and ask, “Why are you here, Josh?”
He averts his eyes while he confesses, “I missed you, Kenz. I wasn’t sure yesterday would ever happen, and now that it has, I want more. Before everything went to shit, you were my best friend and I want you back.” Okay. His explanation doesn’t clarify anything for me. If anything, it makes it all much more confusing. Does he want me back as his girlfriend, or does he just want my friendship?
The timer on the oven goes off, and I shuffle past him to pull loaves of freshly baked bread out. As soon as they come into contact with the cooler air in the kitchen, they hiss and crackle. Setting them on the cooling racks before sliding the next set in, I feel eyes on me, tracking my every movement.
When Josh steps up next to me, my knees buckle. Locking them, I force myself to remain upright. “What can I help with?” he offers in his sexy, deep baritone, sending shivers across my body. I love and hate that voice. In my sleep, it taunts me, turning dreams into nightmares as I relive the horrible accusations he lobbed at me. But now, when he’s offering help, or before when he’d tease me in the bedroom, it’s positively decadent and sinful.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
He smiles. “Toby told me you’re hiring a morning baker to do all this, but until you do, you’re it. So, I’m here to help. Is that okay?” Really?
“Okay. If you’re sure?”
His smile eases my worries. “I am. The only thing I ask is that you let me have a death by chocolate cupcake and you agree to dinner with me this week.”
I duck my head, hiding myself from him. “The cupcake I can do. Dinner… is that a good idea?”
He replies in a gruff tone, “Yes, I think it’s a good idea. I’ve told you I missed you. I want to spend time with you. Is that okay?”
What he’s saying is making this even harder for me. I’m trying to maintain my boundaries and protect myself, but he’s charging through them as if they aren’t there. Why can’t we just decide to co-parent without being overly friendly? In order to be successful parents, we don’t need to spend a ton of time together, we just need to get along. A flood of confusion and emotion washes over me and I feel my eyes grow wet. I sniffle once and try to muffle it by clearing my throat. I don’t want to answer him because I know my voice will be a dead giveaway.
Overwhelmed, a tear rolls down my cheek and I try to swipe it away before another slips out. Turning away from him, I try to gain my composure. I blink my eyes rapidly, trying to push back the heavy tears. But nothing I do helps, and soon I’m sniffling again. Warm arms encircle me, pulling me against a hard, muscled body. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Kenzie. Please tell me what I can do to fix it,” he pleads against my ear, his voice thick with emotion too. I drop my head and he turns me around in his arms until I’m tucked tightly against his chest. “Kenz, babe, tell me what I can do.”