Page 5

CHAPTER 4

GRADY

Cory: You back yet?

Grady: Yeah, got in last weekend

Cory: Drinks tonight?

I hesitated, pulling back at another damp sheet as I stared down at the blinking cursor and I tried to figure out the best way to avoid my friend. Cory and I hadn’t seen much of each other over the years beyond our traditional Thanksgiving football match. But now that he was retired from motocross, he was back living in Holden Cove full time, and I’d been looking forward to hanging out with him this summer.

Just not yet.

I scraped my hand down my face, coming away with a sweaty palm and a sickness in my stomach. The clock on the nightstand said nine, but it could have been noon for all I knew. Nightmares had me up most of the night, but at least the house was empty so no one had been around to hear me scream.

Grady: Can’t tonight. Friday?

Cory: Sure. The Docks?

I swallowed. The last place I wanted to be was at a bar on the shore of the lake. Even picturing the familiar deck overlooking the cove was enough to make my stomach roll. There was no way I could avoid the lake all summer, and I didn’t want to, but I wasn’t ready to be that close to water yet.

Grady: How about Hole Shot? Hit the driving range with a couple of beers?

Cory: I’ll be there

Swinging a golf club would be good for my shoulder, I told myself as I tossed my phone on the bed and swung my legs over the side. I’d sort of hoped being back home would help with the nightmares and panic attacks. But thus far I’d been proven wrong.

Tilting my head, I cracked both sides of my neck, the pops ringing out in the quiet morning. The docs kept reminding me my body was still healing from surgery, and plenty of tension lingered to prove their point. Stretching my arms overhead felt like a triumph, especially after having to keep my shoulder immobile for so long. The weakness on that side was noticeable, but I was determined to get back to normal. When I stepped out on the ice for our opener in the fall, I wanted it to be like I’d never left.

In fact, I wanted to look so good that people forgot about the whole thing and never mentioned it again. Show up strong, and lead, so people would stop calling me a ‘hero’ and just let me play.

The more people called me that, and refused to let me forget what had happened that morning in Miami, the more I was haunted by it. The desperate sounds of his cries. The deafening silence when he pulled me under. The thoughts that filled in my head when I feared they were going to be my last. And what I did to make sure they weren’t.

I’d almost died that morning.

But no one knew that part.

When Julian Huller had decided to take a last-minute swim in the waters off Miami beach, he didn’t consider that he’d never been in the ocean before. When he got caught in a rip tide he had no idea what to do. But I did.

I’d been raised swimming in the frigid waters off the coast of Maine. Rip tides were common, and how to get out of them alive had been ingrained in me since my parents had bought our Peak’s house and my mother had insisted we all take a water safety course.

When I heard Julian call for help I hadn’t stopped to think about anything.

Not how far out he was. Or how tired I already was from my workout. Not that I didn’t have a floatation device, or that I hadn’t been trained in water rescues.

All I knew was that I could swim, and he couldn’t.

But when I got to him, his panic took over. He didn’t mean to do it. But he nearly drowned me as he fought to stay above the water. His terror blinded him and he acted on an instinct I could understand, even if my own actions had been driven by the opposite. Self-preservation versus self-sacrifice.

After waking up for months covered in sweat and sore from tensing all night as I relived some warped version of that morning, I was starting to wonder if I’d ever get past it. Even if I spent all summer training to get my body strong enough to play, nothing had helped clear my mind. And that was what I needed more than anything.

Because all I wanted was to put it behind me.

The familiarity of the aisles at the local supermarket used to bring me a sense of nostalgia and comfort. But after another shitty workout, I walked them with my hood up, hoping to escape the store without being noticed. My shoulder was screaming at me from the exercises my PT had sent, and the harder I wanted to push, the more I paid for it. Everyone said it was a normal part of recovery. But all I saw was the widening gap between me and being able to play again like I used to.

I was standing in front of the beer coolers, a six pack of some local IPA in my hand, when I heard the squeaking wheels of a shopping cart stop behind me.

“Is that a league endorsed beverage? Or are you not obligated to front partnerships in the off-season?”

I turned to find Joey Jordan standing behind me, his arms crossed and his brows raised before he gave me a cocky grin.

“I only have to drink that shit for commercials,” I replied, setting the beers in my own cart and reaching to give my friend a quick handshake and back slap. His smile triggered my own, the friendly face a surprise I suddenly welcomed.

He pulled back, shaking his head. “Pretty sure some uppity advertising exec wouldn’t like hearing you call it ‘shit.’”

“Probably not, but I’m off the clock and there aren’t any cameras around.” I gave a quick scan of the aisle, as if I was looking for some, when my eyes landed on the woman coming up behind Joey. I shoved him aside and wrapped her tiny frame in my arms, careful of her slightly rounded belly. “LeAnn, you look gorgeous.”

Joey shoved me out of the way as soon as I’d let his wife go. “Hands to yourself, Holloway.”

The instant he hit me with his warning my pulse spiked, and I remembered the other Jordan family member I’d run into that week.

“I didn’t know your sister was a librarian in town.”

Joey’s brow lowered, the humor dropping from his face. “How’d you find out then?”

“I’m working with her on this summer reading program for the team. She’s…” I hesitated, seeing Joey’s expression darken further as he waited for me to finish. I knew better than to say she was hotter than I remember. Or sweeter. Or all grown up. So, I went with, “She’s so different.”

His expression didn’t lighten even as he moved to let LeAnn pass, adding some rice cakes to their cart that Joey glanced at with disapproval.

“Different how?”

A lighthearted chuckle came from his wife as she poked him in the ribs. “Don’t glare at him like that, Joey. You’ll get stuck that way.”

I laughed with her, but Joey only squared his shoulders. “Different how?”

A couple of kids snuck past us, and I ducked my head to avoid them, grateful when they didn’t seem to notice me.

“She’s just older, I guess.” Sounding like an idiot was better than saying what I really thought. Joey and I had been friends all through high school and he knew way too much about me for me to think he’d be even remotely okay with my honest impression of his baby sister.

And hell, I’d feel the same way if someone like me was looking at Lexi the way I’d looked at Jill—before I knew it was her.

He nodded, slowly. “So, you’re going to be working with her on this thing all summer?”

“Yeah. Nothing crazy, just reading books to kids.”

“She tell you about what’s going on over there?”

I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. “What do you mean?”

Joey and LeAnn exchanged a look, and I leaned closer.

“Library’s looking at some cuts this fall. Jill’s job might be on the line.”

“Shit. I’ll help however I can.” Jill said she needed the program to be a success; this must have been what she meant. “I already told her she can lean on me for the speaking parts and stuff. If there’s more I can do, just tell me.”

“Can you get more of your team stuff to give out?” LeAnn asked, hers the only hopeful expression among us. “Kids love that kind of stuff. The more you can get to show up, the better it’ll look for her.”

“Of course. I’ll call the PR team tomorrow.”

LeAnn smiled brightly at me, leaning into Joey’s side. “Jeez, didn’t she just luck out that you’re the one they sent for this? It’ll be so much easier for her now with someone she knows.”

“Yeah,” Joey added, his tone far less cheerful than his wife’s. “Someone we all know.”

I laughed it off, but I saw the look in his eye. He wasn’t as happy as LeAnn that I’d been picked to be the Brawler’s rep for this one.

My selection made sense, of course, and a few of the other guys were doing similar charity type events. But I knew mine was the biggest initiative we’d agreed to, in part so I could get some headlines leading into the season after being absent at the end of last year.

“Not just someone we know,” LeAnn went on, ignoring Joey’s wariness. “A hero.” Her expression softened, her eyes widening with some sort of pride that made my stomach twist. “You saved that guy last spring. That had to be so scary.”

I was already on edge after my workout, I didn’t need this. “It wasn’t a big deal.” Shifting on my feet I spotted the same teenagers that had come by us before. They were standing off to the side, as if waiting for us to finish.

“But, still. He would have died without your help. His poor wife and kids would have never been the same.”

LeAnn was saying the same thing dozens of people had said to me the last three months, but instead of being filled with a sense of pride, all I felt was sick. My palms started to sweat as my skin went ice cold. No one else knew the whole story. Julian Huller had never told the press what really happened out in that water and I wasn’t sure if it was because he couldn’t remember or if he didn’t want to tarnish this ‘hero’ bullshit everyone kept repeating. Either way, the whole thing felt like dragging an anchor behind me. All I wanted was to get away from it.

“I’m glad I was there,” I answered, hollowly.

In all this time, I’d never figured out anything else to say. It wasn’t like I had a choice in saving the guy. But the one I’d made had cost me—and was still costing me every day. I felt like an asshole for being pissed about that, and it only drove my anxiety higher every time I had to talk about it like I wasn’t. Like I should have been just as grateful. I wished that was how I felt.

“I’ve got to get back for a call with my coach,” I lied, taking a step back toward my cart. The teenagers were still waiting in the wings and I spun so I could head down the aisle in the opposite direction. I was back in the sour mood I’d come in here with, and another fan interaction was more than I could handle. “It was good seeing you two.”

Joey’s flat expression lifted slightly, suspicion still in his eyes. “We still on for some ice time?”

“Yeah, sure,” I tossed out, already walking away. I’d agreed to some pick-up games with the local mens’ league months ago. But now that seemed like a terrible idea. I was still getting my arm to work right, I didn’t need an audience for how bad things were.

“Alright, I’ll text you the schedule.”

“Sounds good. See you around, LeAnn.”

“You bet, have fun with Jill.”

The look on Joey’s face had me laughing under my breath as I spun to the front of the store. Clearly, he was not on board with me and Jill having any sort of fun together.

With my bags in the backseat of my car, I tugged open my driver’s door only to have it stop midway as a hand thumped on the metal and held it in place. When I looked over my shoulder, I wasn’t surprised by who I found.

“You know better than to touch my sister, right?” It was less a question he expected an answer to, and more a statement he needed to hear said out loud. Joey was a rules kind of guy and it had been all over his face that my being close to his little sister this summer was going against one his foundational tenets.

“I would never,” I told him, but my smirk hinted otherwise. It wasn’t that I’d do anything with Jill, but getting Joey all knotted up was kind of fun.

“I’m not kidding, Holloway. She’s had enough shit in her life, I don’t need you adding to the pile.”

I didn’t like the implication somebody had messed with Jill. But I wasn’t going to ask for specifics.

“Joe, it’s me.”

“Exactly. I know you.”

I huffed, leaning back onto my car. “I’m not that kid anymore.”

His scowl darkened. “No, now you’re a fucking hot shot hockey player who sleeps with women for sport.”

There had been a time that was true. My rookie years were a bit of a ride, but what did you expect when a kid from the sticks of Maine is set loose in the world and women can’t keep their hands off of him? I enjoyed myself and I didn’t apologize for it. I’d never had any complaints.

“I’m a lot tamer now.”

“I don’t want to hear it. She’s off limits.”

“Of course she is.” I sighed, lifting my eyes to the sky. “I’ve got enough on my plate, man. I need this program to go well for my own sake. I’m not going to blow it by being a dick to your little sister.”

He eyed me silently for a second, before stepping back and dropping his hand off my door. “Fine,” he exhaled, as if he finally believed me. “Just keep it professional.”

“Nothing but.”

Especially now that I knew her job was on the line as much as mine. And given the way Joey was still watching me as he nodded, so was one of my longest friendships. As tempting as Jill was, I didn’t need any more reasons to keep my distance. She was off limits and I was going to be a-okay with that.