Page 12

CHAPTER 11

GRADY

J ill’s silence was killing me. I’d tried every joke and silly jab I could think of to bring her out of her shell, but from the minute she’d gotten in my car to head for the photo shoot, she’d been this stiff, frozen version of herself. I knew she hated attention, but this was worse than I’d expected.

It didn’t help that the photographer was a chatty redhead who kept trying to flirt with me. I knew she was just trying to warm us up for the camera, but she was focused entirely too much on me and not enough on the gorgeous brunette next to me who’d yet to crack anything resembling a genuine smile.

But when the doors to the small studio opened and a trio of marketing executives from the Brawlers walked in, Jill suddenly wasn’t the only one feeling anxious.

“Holloway,” the first one said, approaching me with his hand out. The guy’s gray pinstripe suit fit him so well there was no way it hadn’t been custom made and his smile was so bleached it made his fake tan look orange. I shook his hand, the overly soft skin creeping me out before I hastily let it go. “Arnold Thayer, we met last year, but I’m sure you don’t remember me.”

“Of course I do,” I lied, plastering on my best fake smile. My pulse had started to thrum hard in my ears, as if the appearance of team management had me running a marathon. These guys had no say in team dynamics, but they controlled my image as much as I did. This whole summer program was their idea, and making sure I pulled it off was the best way to stay in their good graces.

“This is Majorie Callun and Sam Jones. We thought we’d pop up here to Maine to see how things were going.”

I looked back over my shoulder at Jill. The photographer had her arms full of books and was trying to cajole her into smiling again, but the best Jill was giving her was a freakish curl of her lips. When I turned back to the marketing team they’d seen the same thing I had and were scowling at the obvious issue.

“We’re doing great,” I said, keeping my voice low but lighthearted, hoping to distract them, but feeling my heart starting to race. I knew, logically, that none of this was going to directly affect my spot on the team as much as my being able to play like my old self again, but my stomach still churned at the disappointment on their faces.

“Is that the librarian?” Sam asked.

I didn’t like his tone. “Yeah, she’s amazing.”

“Looks it,” he replied sarcastically, glancing back at me as if I’d agree with him.

I shoved my hands in my pockets to hide the fists I was making. “She’s not in love with the camera, but we’ll get what we need.”

Marjorie shook her head, her disapproval so undeniable I stepped to the side, trying to block Jill from catching sight of her. “I’m not so sure about that. Maybe we can talk to the library and get someone else. She looks more menacing than welcoming.” Looking back at me, she asked, “Are the kids scared of her?”

When I cleared my throat, the three of them whipped my direction. “She’s done a fantastic job. We just got started, I’ll get her to loosen up.”

Considering I’d been trying for the last hour, I wasn’t sure I could actually pull that off, and I knew telling Jill to lighten up was only going to make things worse. But I had to think of something, because her getting kicked off this program would be even worse than if the whole thing failed. She needed to pull this off or they’d definitely cut her, so I had to get her to relax somehow.

With my own unease building I went back over to the set, asking the photographer to give us a second.

Jill eyed me suspiciously. “They with you?” She jutted her chin in the direction of the three suits, her eyes flicking over my shoulder before finding mine again.

“Yeah, came to see how their campaign was coming along.”

Her shoulders dropped and she nodded weakly. “They seem impressed.”

I laughed under my breath. “Well, I told you to wear my jersey instead of the blank one.”

That got the fire back in her eyes. She glared at me a second before she said, “They did not say that.”

“No,” I confirmed, reaching out to rub my hand down her arm, relief unfurling at the slightest sign of the Jill I knew. “But I know I’d be more comfortable if you wore it.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I’ll be as ridiculous as you need me to be here, okay. Just tell me what I can do to make this less awful.”

Her gaze dropped to the floor, and I felt her shrinking back into herself right in front of me. “I’m sorry, I’m the worst.”

“Not the worst. I promise. I did a shoot last year with our goalie, AJ. He was the worst.” She looked up at me, curiosity and amusement sifting in her eyes, so I went on. “He was like a robot. Like the tin man. The photographer had to literally walk over after every shot and put him into position. She’d move his arms and hands, and he’d stay stiff as a board until the flash went off, and then he’d move and she’d have to do it all over again. It took three hours to get one usable shot. It was fucking torture.”

The corner of her mouth curled. “So, as long as I don’t do that, I’m okay?”

“You’re already okay.” I sighed, realizing how hard she was being on herself. And that the three pairs of eyes on us now weren’t helping. “Ignore them. Ignore the photographer even. Just hang with me. Pretend no one else is here. You’re doing fine, but try to have some fun with it.”

Jill looked at me like I was nuts, her brow bent as she shook her head. “Do you have fun with this?”

I liked that she seemed shocked that I would, because I hated these shoots as much as her. I’d just accepted them as part of the package when I went pro. It was like a toll I paid in order to access the career I loved. But no, I didn’t have fun at them. And her knowing that was pretty cool.

Leaning down so only she could hear me, I whispered, “I think the only photo shoot that would ever be fun would be one of those boudoir shoots.” When she jerked back to look at me I waggled my eyebrows and she started to laugh. “Right? Come on, that has to be a good time.” I did a little dance, and winked at her, which only made her laugh harder.

“I can’t with you. You’re a child.”

The sight of her laughing shot a dose of pleasure through me so potent I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out and wrapping her in my arms. I held her against my chest as we both laughed, only letting her go to say, “I’d rather be young at heart than whatever the opposite is.”

Jill looked up at me, her gaze flitting around my face. Being that close to her, I could smell the flowery perfume she had on, see the flecks of gold in her light brown irises. I was taking in her details as much as she was mine, and I didn’t want to stop.

“Ready to try again?” the photographer asked, poking her head into our bubble with a hopeful smile.

“You bet,” I replied, my eyes lingering on Jill one more second before I took a step back.

As much as she tried, Jill’s fear kept sneaking in. Her back would go stiff and her smile would turn into a plastic mold, lifeless and dim compared to the one I knew so well. The only way I could get her to loosen up, even for a minute or two, was to bust out the old porno-tune from high school. Each time she went cold, I’d do a little shimmy and mutter under my breath, “ Brown-chicken, brown-cow .” She’d crack up every time and the photographer would snap away, her face practically glowing when she’d see the shots on her monitor.

“I think we got it,” she finally announced, her words like a pin popping the tense bubble of the room.

“Thank god,” Jill sighed under her breath, the drama of it making me laugh.

“You did it.” I gave her shoulder a quick squeeze, savoring the smile she gave me.

“I’m pretty sure you did that”—she waved her hand at the set—“for both of us.”

I shrugged. “Anytime.”

The way her eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open was almost comical. “Please don’t say that. I never want to do this again.”

One of the marketing team gave me a wave and I held up my finger. “I can’t make any promises, but you’ll never have to do it alone. That’s a guarantee.”

Jill went for her things, grumbling under her breath as I headed over to the suits. The minute I turned their direction my heart started to race again, and it was as if the anxiety I’d stuffed down to help Jill loosen up had been festering. It came back on me in a wave that took me by surprise. I swallowed through a tight throat as I approached them, willing myself to calm the hell down.

“That was a good start,” Sam said, his expression pulled into a grin that looked painfully tight. “We’ll start putting these to use right away.”

“Great,” I said, nodding along as I tried to take slow sips of air. My chest felt tight and I was starting to worry I might pass out. The three of them were looking at me expectantly, but I didn’t know what else to say.

Marjorie filled in the silence. “And we’ll have the details of the video spots in the next couple of weeks.”

“Video spots?” I asked, glancing quickly over my shoulder, relieved to see Jill on the other side of the room out of earshot.

“Yeah, the network wants to get some in-depth interviews with the various player-community partners for the feature that’ll air before the holidays.” Sam was nodding his head, his dark brown eyes almost black as he emanated a sickening sort of glee.

Jill could barely make it through a simple photo shoot, doing an actual on-camera interview would be a disaster. It would be perfect for me, giving me the exact exposure I needed. But if she was a monosyllabic statue they’d never air our segment.

“I was thinking,” I said, nearly out of breath from my racing heart. “The best way to capture the real story is with behind-the-scenes footage, you know? Tell the story in a way a stiff interview can’t. I could take some videos and show you what I mean, but I think it would set us apart from the other teams and really give the story some emotion.”

I was talking out of my ass and I had no idea how I’d get Jill to let me videotape her, but me taking some quick videos had to be better than whatever staged interview they had planned.

Most marketing execs don’t welcome ideas from people like me, but Marjorie and Arnold both lit up, their eyes meeting as they nodded excitedly.

“We love that,” Arnold said, rubbing his hands together. “We’d been trying to find a way to set our footage apart from the other teams, and that is a splendid idea.”

“You think you can pull that off?” Marjorie added, a twinge of apprehension on her face. “And get some shots of you too? We need both of you to be in the frame.”

“Of course. I’ll get some footage at this week’s event and send it over to give you a sense of what I’m thinking.” I wasn’t sure I even was thinking—all my blood was rushing through my ears as my heart hammered in my chest so hard it almost hurt. But they seemed pleased and with a few more handshakes and reassurances I could pull it off they finally headed for the door.

As soon as they were gone I bolted for the back hall where the men’s room was, but I didn’t make it there before I slumped against the wall. Stars had begun to float across my vision and my hands were shaking so hard I couldn’t stop them even when I closed them into tight fists. I was doing everything I could to slow my breathing, but all I got were puffs of air. I was starting to think I needed to sit on the floor when I heard the door open behind me.

“Grady?” Jill’s voice came over my shoulder. I could hear the concern in it and I wondered how much she’d been watching that exchange. I hoped she hadn’t heard anything about my ‘plan’, I needed to break that to her another day, when this whole horrid experience wasn’t so fresh.

“Yeah. I’ll be right out.” I sounded weak and I screwed my eyes closed, trying to force myself to calm down.

“Hey,” she whispered. She’d moved in front of me, and I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

“Just give me a sec, okay?” I was leaning my whole weight into the wall, using it to keep me upright when it felt like my legs were about to give out.

“What’s going on? Talk to me.” Jill’s voice was soft, but I could hear the fear in her words.

“I’m okay. Just need a minute.” The longer I stood there, the more I hated that she was witnessing this. Again . Last time I’d already passed through the worst of it, but this time she was watching me come apart, and it made me sick. “Please go. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Grady.” She sighed my name, the sound of it so sweet and kind it made my heart hurt.

“Please don’t look at me.” Everything was pressing in on me, and I felt like I was going to collapse. I didn’t want her to be here for that.

“I’m not leaving you.”

The defiance in her tone told me nothing I said would change her mind. But I still couldn’t bear for her to see me this way, so I opened my eyes, taking in her worried expression for only a second before I covered her eyes with my hand. I held the back of her head with my other hand and let out a gust of air as I leaned back into the wall beside her.

“I hate that you had to see this.” Shame and frustration pounded through me as I ground my teeth.

“See what? See you ?” She sounded genuinely confused, as if this wasn’t a disgusting display she’d walked in on.

“Yeah. I should be over this crap.”

I kept my eyes shut even as I felt Jill’s fingers close around my wrist. She didn’t try to move me away, she simply held me, rubbing her thumb back and forth across the soft skin.

“I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure thinking you should be over something is the least helpful way to actually get over it.”

Whether she was right or not didn’t matter. In that moment I wanted to be a better version of myself, and I was failing. “You know what I mean.”

Jill stepped closer and I stiffened. The smell of her perfume lifted around me, and I felt the heat of her body as she pressed in closer to mine. Any other day and this kind of closeness would have brought on a completely different reaction, but I was too wrecked for that. Instead a wave of emotion rippled through me, just strong enough to rattle me from the grip of my panic. And then a deep ache bloomed, because the closer she got the closer I wanted her.