Page 35

CHAPTER 34

JILL

I hadn’t seen Grady in three days. I hadn’t heard from him much either. Every time I started to feel sick about that, I reminded myself that I had no business being upset about him going back to work in Boston; this was always the plan, and I was perfectly fine going back to my life sans hunky hockey player.

The tough love approach was working about as well as you’d expect.

My stomach was in a near permanent knot and I was having trouble getting to sleep at night. But it was nothing compared to the full-on meltdown I had when Adam left me, which felt like a real marker of growth. Still, it wasn’t pleasant, and doubt had begun to creep in about the wisdom of this arrangement after all.

And then I woke up to Grady on his knees in my garden, his hands covered in dirt as he carefully planted the last of the stash he’d gotten me.

“Would this qualify as trespassing?” I asked, leaning against my back door and giving him a start.

He sat back on his heels, his shorts pulling dangerously tight around his thick thighs. “I’d tell you to ask your brother, but I don’t need to give Joey probable cause to arrest me.” His eyes dimmed as the words came out and my heart sank.

It had been all over the news. The fact that Grady knew the guy, that they were teammates and friends, only made it more awful. The woman that had died was young, a nurse. She had a fiancé and a golden retriever puppy and her whole life ahead of her. None of it made any sense.

“You doing okay?” I asked, stepping out onto the flagstone patio, the dew from the grass collecting on my bare feet as I walked toward him.

He plugged the plant in his hand into the fresh hole and nodded, but his sigh was deep. “It’s been rough on everybody.”

I squatted in front of him, catching his eye. “But how are you ?”

Grady’s nightmares had several triggers, but anxiety was one of them, and I could see the lines around his eyes. He wasn’t unaffected by all this.

He gave me a tired smile, gratitude in his gaze that made my chest tight. “I’ve been better. A little trouble sleeping, but not as bad as before.” His shoulders lifted in a sort of lame shrug, like we both knew that there wasn’t much else to be done but to ride it out.

“You talking to anyone?” One of the sports newscasters had mentioned that the team was providing counseling to the players and staff to help them deal with the tragedy. I’d thought it was a really smart move, but before he even answered, I knew Grady hadn’t gone to see them.

“Not yet. I might, though,” he said, collecting the empty containers now that all of the plants had their new homes. “Sorry this took so long,” he said, standing up and brushing his hands off.

“I could have put them in.”

“Nope.” He stepped past the flower bed toward me, leaning down to kiss me soft and sweet, lingering just a second longer like he needed an extra shot of something good. “I got them for you, I wanted to put them in.”

I smiled down at his work. “Well, they look great already.”

“Got a favorite yet?”

My laughter seemed out of place in the still quiet morning. “No. Not in the five minutes since they’ve been here.”

He dropped a quick kiss to the top of my head. “Well, get picking. A man needs to know these things.” After tossing the pots in the recycling he turned back. “Can I wash up and change and then we can get on the road?”

“Yep,” I said, leading us inside. “I’ll finish getting dressed and be ready in ten.”

When we’d started the reading program it felt like it was going to last forever. And be a miserable experience the whole way through. But as we got on the road for our last event, it all felt like a dream. Like a montage of moments going by way too fast.

“So, did you go see the store?” Grady asked as we pulled out.

“Not yet.” I fidgeted in my seat because we both knew I was stalling and that if I didn’t go soon it would probably get rented by someone else and I’d lose my chance.

“You want me to come with you?” He glanced over at me, his expression harder to read than the normal enthusiasm I was used to seeing when he got on this topic.

“No,” I paused, thinking about it. “I guess maybe? If you wanted to?”

“Of course. Just let me know when.”

Having Grady there would be a comfort, I thought, as I stared out the window watching the muggy August morning go by. It was far from the start of fall, but the shift was already in the air. The freshness of the summer, the crisp promise of long days and heat waves, had already passed. Now we were in the crunchy sunburnt remnants, like the kinky ends of your hair after you’ve kept the straightener on too long—dried out and brittle.

“You don’t have anything planned after we’re done today, do you?” His question wasn’t laced with humor and it didn’t feel flirty, only adding to my unease.

“No, nothing.”

“Will you come with me someplace? I want to show you something.”

He had to have known there was no way I’d turn him down, but I put my hand on his thigh and smiled when I nodded. “I’d love to.”

Considering how well we’d mastered the flow of our program, it was little shock the last one went off without a hitch. We had a great crowd and a few of the little girls had made Grady and I friendship bracelets as a thank you. Seeing his tan, muscled forearm stacked with white and pink beads with messages of “good luck” and “hockey hero” was enough to melt me into a puddle by the time we left. Grady didn’t just accept all their adoration; he reflected it back at them in a way I’d never understood until now. Maybe being one of his fans wasn’t so lame after all.

The ride back to Holden Cove was just as quiet, the late afternoon sun shining in our eyes as we drove west. Once we dipped down into the valley leading to the lake I started to wonder where he was taking me. But the answer became clear as we turned down the road that led to the town park. The last time we were there we’d started this whole thing, this summer relationship—whatever you call it. It made my chest ache that we were back there again for likely the opposite reason.

“I hope you don’t mind, I snagged your suit this morning.” Grady reached into the back seat, dropping my bikini in my lap with a hopeful grin.

“Grady, what are we doing here?” I asked, fingering the fabric of my suit as I scanned the handful of cars still parked in the lot.

“I told you. I want to show you something.”

When he fished his own suit from behind my seat I felt my pulse skitter a little faster. Last time we were here he’d been practically unable to look at the water, let alone get in it.

“Go get changed, meet you down there.” He pushed his door open and walked into the mens’ side of the beach house.

With a mix of reluctance and curiosity I did as he asked, and when I stopped by the pile of towels at his feet near the water’s edge, he looked over at me with emotion swirling in his eyes.

“I came here last night when I got back,” he explained, licking his lips and staring at the water with a familiar determination. He was Grady The Unstoppable again. “But after everything, I needed you to see it with your own eyes.”

He gripped the back of my neck and gently tugged me close, kissing my temple before he whispered, “Cause you’re the reason I can do this again.” He smiled down at me, pecking me quickly on the lips before he took off, dashing into the water at a sprint.

When the water hit his waist he dove, disappearing under the surface for a beat before popping up again further out. He swung his head, sending his wet hair back in a wild wave and then turned to the shore. He locked eyes with me, his smile so wide, so beautifully open and joyful, a tiny, shaky sob rose up. I clasped my hand over my mouth, trying to hold back the tears that were rising faster and stronger than me.

Grady saw them and shook his head, waving for me to come to him.

I was slower getting into the water, letting the cool spread over me like a blanket, calming my racing heart. He must have grown impatient, because before I’d made it half way he’d cut the distance and reached around my waist to haul me into his arms.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered, but his own eyes were rimmed with water I knew wasn’t from the lake. “Look,” he swung me around, one arm stretching out into the water as if he was a free man. And I guess that’s exactly what he was. He was free again.

“You did this,” he said, his voice tight as he moved us farther from the shore, away from everyone else still left on the beach as the sun dropped behind the hills.

Shaking my head I wrapped my arms around his neck. “No, you are the only one who gets credit for this, Grady Holloway. You are so strong.”

“But you knew I could do it,” he said, grinning at me with fire in his eyes. “You believed when I didn’t. I could never have done this without you.”

My reasons for why he was wrong would have to wait, as Grady swallowed my rebuttal, his lips pressing to mine, his kiss demanding. His fingers dug into my side, a groan vibrating through his chest as he took more and more. I was lost to the world, floating in his arms, consumed by him.

He pulled back for a breath, nipping at my lip and searching my eyes. “I could never have done it without my girl.”

Something inside me crumbled. He was holding my gaze with a reverence that made it hard to breathe. In that moment, I was so proud of him, so happy for him. But I had to let him go and it was breaking my heart.

I wanted to tell him I’d always be his girl. I wanted him to stay. But there was no way any of that could happen. Grady had worked too hard for his dreams for him to give them up now, and I’d never let him. But I wasn’t going to Boston. I didn’t want that life. Of all the things that might have changed for me this summer, that wasn’t one of them. No matter how deeply I felt for Grady.

“And now you have your life back,” I said, trying so hard to let my happiness for him fill me up so he wouldn’t see the sadness beneath. But Grady was just as good at reading me by now, and his brow scrunched down tight and worried.

“What’s wrong? Talk to me.” He combed my hair back with damp fingers, the cold lingering on my skin.

“I’m just sad the program is over,” I said, desperate to keep from showing how foolishly attached I’d gotten. Grady had agreed to this because I’d sworn I would be okay, I refused to make him feel bad now just because I’d overestimated myself. “We had a good run,” I went on, sighing with a smile as I looked around the lake.

Grady was watching me, his face unreadable. “Jill . . .”

I didn’t want him to try and make me feel better. I didn’t want him to know I wasn’t okay at all. “I’m fine,” I said, swirling my hand in the water to give myself someplace else to look but into his penetrating gaze.

“Do you want to come to Boston for the opening team dinner?” He’d asked it in a rush, as if he was frantic to quell my disappointment. But a team dinner sounded like something spouses and significant others went to, not me. The sooner Grady went back to Boston and I got back into my routine up here, the better. For both of us.

“That sounds like the kind of event that would give me hives,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. But Grady looked away before he nodded.

“Yeah, maybe it would be a little much for you.”

“Sorry.”

He shook his head, his smile a little weaker as he sighed. “No. It’s all good. It’s one hundred percent sports talk the whole time, anyway. And I definitely couldn’t get them to change the topic, so . . .” he trailed off, laughing at himself.

I laughed with him, but nothing about this felt funny. And when he dropped me back at my place and I asked him if he wanted to come inside, he frowned as he shook his head.

“I’ve got to drive back tonight. Morning skate with some of the new guys. We,” he paused, looking over at the garden he’d planted longingly. “We’ve got to make some hard decisions, so I’ll probably be down there full-time until training camp starts now.”

“Oh.” My mouth popped open, hanging there until he looked back at me and I snapped it shut. “They need their captain,” I tried, smiling through the pit opening in my stomach.

He sniffed, his eyes pinched at the corners. “Yeah, I guess they do.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger.”

He looked at me, and for a second it was like he didn’t know what to say. “I won’t. Night, Jilly.”

“Night, Grady.”

I watched as his taillights faded and then cut out as he rounded the bend. And then I let the tears fall. The program was done, my summer was over, and Grady was gone. And I didn’t want to fall apart. But I did anyway.