Page 37

CHAPTER 36

GRADY

M y palms were sweating. I’d been so on edge all day, I wasn’t sure if it was anxiety or just nerves. It had been a couple of weeks since a full-on panic attack had laid me out, but things were ramping up and the stress of it all was taking a toll.

But this was what I’d asked for, so I took a deep breath and told myself to suck it up.

No dreams worth having come without a price.

That’s what my dad had told me since I was six and I believed him. Everything I’d done had led me to this day and as I tightened my tie, my eyes on the mirror of the mens’ room in The HUB Garden I refused to let my shaky mind steal a moment of this from me.

“Here he is,” Cooper announced, slamming the door open before heading for a urinal. “You ready, Cap?”

The announcement wouldn’t happen until the dinner was over, but the team knew. They’d all cast their votes and Blaise had given me a nod when I arrived. I’d never asked Coop if he had really tried for it or not, because he was just as good of a leader. If it had gone to him and not me, I couldn’t have even been mad at him.

“I’ll be ready when it really happens,” I told him, catching his eye in the mirror. “Don’t jinx me.” I didn’t know an athlete that wasn’t superstitious, and I sure as hell was.

Coop laughed, joining me at the sinks. “Such modesty,” he chuckled. “You’d think you hadn’t wanted this your whole life.”

“Wanting it and getting it are two different things.” I yanked a paper towel from the dispenser, drying my hands and waiting while he did the same. “But thanks.”

“No thanks needed, man. You earned it.”

We headed back to the ballroom, the walls cast in white and yellow lights and a stage at one end with a black and gold podium. Around me were my coaches, the training staff, marketing people, and everyone else involved in the organization. My team was already taking their seats, so I went to find mine, my heart dropping into my gut when I saw the extra one beside me. The name card simply said “Holloway +1.”

A hand landed hard on my shoulder and I let out my breath when I saw what passed for a grin on AJ’s face.

“You can take me for a swing on the dance floor if it’ll make you feel better, Holloway.”

“Thanks,” I said, shoving his hand off me. “I’m good.”

“I can dance real well,” he pushed, pulling out his chair beside me. “And I bet I could even dip you.”

I laughed at my friend. “You’d probably drop me.”

He shook his head as he reached for his beer. “Nah. I’ve got better balance than you any day.”

AJ hadn’t said another word to me about Jill since that day at the bar. I knew he was watching me though. His scrutiny before and after practice felt like he was looking for signs I hadn’t heeded his warning.

I hadn’t needed to. Not really. The team had just taken over. I’d thought about calling Jill plenty of times, but it felt too hard. I wanted to ask how she was, but knew she’d stonewall me. And it wasn’t like I was going to volunteer how much I fucking hated waking up not knowing when I’d see her again. It was eating at me every day, but I told myself it would pass and to keep my eye on the prize.

AJ had been right. We were living two different lives and the best thing for both of us was just to move on. Knowing that and doing that were two different things though—just like dreaming about being the captain of the Brawlers was different than actually being chosen for the role.

In all the years I’d pushed and trained and fought to get to this night, I never thought I’d be looking over at an empty seat beside me knowing exactly who I wished was there.

Regardless of whether Jill was in the room with me or not, when Blaise called me up on stage and handed me my new jersey with the ‘C’ stitched into the shoulder, I felt her there. She’d helped me get back to this point. So, this dream wasn’t only for me and my dad anymore. It was for her too.

I just wished she’d been there to see it. I wished I hadn’t had to choose between this and her. Because now that I’d gotten what I always wanted, I realized it might not be everything I needed after all.

Cory: Hey man, congrats! You fucking did it.

Grady: Thanks Ellis

Cory: Does it feel good?

Grady: It does

Cory: You okay?

Grady: Yeah. Just got a lot going on with this new left wing

Cory: Gotcha. He gonna help you get the cup or what?

Grady: He better

Cory: You talk to Jill?

My heart twisted just seeing her name on my screen. We hadn’t talked in over a week. We’d never really said goodbye, but it felt like maybe there wasn’t a need to anymore.

Grady: Not in a bit. Been busy

Cory: You know she got let go?

I stared at my phone, the blood rush in my ears making it hard to hear.

Grady: What?

Cory: From the library. They canned her for some tech program

What the fuck? We’d worked our asses off all summer to make sure they got enough money to keep her job safe. What the hell had happened? And why hadn’t she told me?

Grady: Fuck

Cory: Yeah, some shit

I wanted to ask if she was okay, but I should be the one telling him that, not the other way around. I should be up there right now making sure she was all right.

Suddenly I felt like a complete asshole, because as distracted as I’d been and as much as Jill had seemed okay when I left that night, I hadn’t checked on her. I hadn’t made sure she was doing all right. Joey had been worried as hell about how she’d handle it when I left and while I knew Jill wasn’t the same person who crumbled when Adam left her, what if he’d been right all along? What if she wasn’t just busy with her own life and quiet cause she knew I had shit going on down here? What if she was really fucking upset that I’d just walked out of her life without even a goodbye?

Grady: Thanks for telling me

Cory: Sure man. You should call her

I was going to do better than that. She deserved a hell of a lot better than that. Especially from me.