Page 96 of Restitution

“I love him too.”

Kade clears his throat; he’s standing on the threshold of the room, glaring between the two of us. “Ewan is looking for you,” he says to his mother.

30

STACEY

Aria walks past Kade and pats his chest, then she’s out of sight.

His eyes land on me. “I won’t be bleaching the freezer.”

I cross my arms and jut out my hip. “You really shouldn’t eavesdrop. It’s rude.”

He breathes deeply through his nose and walks in, closing the door behind him. He shoves his hands in his trouser pockets and steps forward. “Do you believe me now that I don’t know how to be in a relationship?”

I lower my head. “It doesn’t mean that at all.”

“You said so yourself. It triggered me. And it pisses me off, Stacey.”

I nibblemy lip. “I know.”

He pulls a hand from his pocket and aggressively taps the side of his head with bared teeth. “It’s Bernadette. She’s in my head all the fucking time. Every single thing I do, I hear her voice, smell her fucking perfume and feel her nails clawing into my skin. I’m trying so damn hard to push it all aside and be good enough for you.” He eats up the distance between us, making my pulse race. “I. Don’t. Know. How.”

I fight tears, seeing into his abused soul through the deadliness of his eyes.

“But, despite every reason not to, I want to be with you. I need you.”

My head tilts as a tear slides down my cheek. “You do?”

“Of course I do,” he says with a frown, closing the remaining distance between us and wiping the tear away with his thumb, stroking beneath my eye as he cups my face. “But I’ve fucked up too much, and I don’t know how to fix any of this.”

“I forgave you,” I reply, my voice shaking.

“I don’t know how to forgive myself for everything I’ve done, so how can I expect you to do the same?”

When he lowers his forehead to mine, I part my lips on a rushed breath, feeling warmth crawl up my spine all the way from my toes. “Then you need to learn how to forgive yourself, because I’m not leaving. I’m always going to be by your side.”

My nerve endings tremble, ready to combust as he curls his fingers around my nape, stroking his thumb behind my ear. I grow warmer from his touch. His white shirt is pulled taut over his muscles, his cuffs rolled to his elbows, showing off his expensive watch.

“I need you too,” I add.

“Even if I’m a bag full of trauma?”

I smile. “I have my own bag. We can swap when they get too heavy and we need a balance.”

Kade huffs out a laugh, nudging his nose against mine. “I want to try and kiss you again. Can I?”

“Promise me something first.”

He arches a brow. “What?”

“Don’t push me away.”

He brings his mouth close to mine, fire igniting within me as he whispers against my lips, “What if it’s for your own good?”

He tries to kiss me, but I press my fingers to his lips. “I don’t want you to think you need to force this and you end up seizing again. We can wait. We can go slow.”

“Slow,” he repeats with a slight grimace, as if the word sickens him. “I never want to hear that word from you again when it comes to me and you. We do whatever the fuck we want.”