Page 109 of Restitution

He stares at me, then it’s like his gaze goes right through me as he continues to move his hands around my body against the water. It’s not sexual but as if he’s memorising my every inch. “Mymeds are supposed to help. They’re not.”

“You’ve not been taking them that long. They’re not going to work right away. But the fact that you’re taking them is a good thing. It takes a lot for someone to ask for help. I’m proud of you.”

“After what I just did? Have I not made you afraid of me?”

I shake my head. “No. Archie deserved it.”

He chuckles deeply and shakes his head, his eyes so, so tired. “My little sadist.”

“Maybe,” I say, smiling as I slide my arms around his neck and bring our bodies together. “I’m glad you overheard me telling your mother we should stay friends when we were in the office.”

“Yeah?”

I nod and fight more tears. “I missed your touch.”

“I was terrified I’d hurt you, so I held back, especially when I kissed you in bed,” Kade replies, resting his forehead on mine. “But when I heard you saying you’d just be my friend, I couldn’t think of a worse sentence to hear.” He nudges my nose with his. “I had to reclaim what was always mine, even if I blacked out for most of it.”

I laugh and rest my head against his chest. “I was always yours.”

He strokes my hair. The water’s starting to get a little cooler. “I didn’t finish inside you, did I?”

“No. You were inside all of three minutes.”

“Shameful.”

I roll my eyes.

“But I didn’t wear a condom.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I’m clean. I got tested when we arrived back here.” Then his hand freezes. “I assume you’re not on birth control?”

I shake my head.

“Tell my mum to get a nurse in. They’ll give you a Plan B, just in case. You don’t want to have a kid with someone who’ll be an absent father.”

I narrow my eyes at him. “You wouldn’t be.”

He rests his back against the cold tiles, one of which is cracked, still shaky on his feet. “You know I will be, Stacey. I just killed a man live, outed over half of the underworld and exposed Bernadette’s empire. If I’m not arrested, I can assure you there’ll be a number of pissed-off people hunting for me.”

His speech is less slurred, and I guess the benzo is working, since some light is returning to his eyes.

“We could go to the safe house you were thinking of sending the dogs to. We’ll leave now.”

He stares down at me. “I wouldn’t let you ruin your life by being on the run with me forever. Whoever gets me first, I’ll surrender.”

I step back, putting minimal distance between us. “You can’t just give up. There’s a chance your dad is still out there, and Bernadette is still alive.”

He shrugs. “I have no plan, Stacey. This, right now, was my last resort to stop her. I wasn’t supposed to kill Archie. I had nothing set up for after.”

“What about me?”

He smirks weakly. “Go dance and live your life. Think of me when you do, and picture me sitting in the crowd, right at the very front.”

“You say that like you’ll be dead.”

“I might be,” he replies, not a trace of sarcasm in his voice. “I’dbe better off dead.”