Page 172 of Restitution

I shake my head. “No.” My face contorts with how much pain I’m in. I grab his top in a fist. “You can’t leave me. Please just run. Just… come on. We have time to run. We can run to the car, drive and hide.” I tug him. “Please.”

“Having a normal life with you was all I ever wanted, but I don’t have that luxury. I don’t have time. All I have are the memories with you, and they’ll keep me fucking going. But you need to let me do this. You need to.”

I stare at Kade, at the seriousness on his face. “Please,” I beg him, my free hand reaching up to cup his cheek, my jaw rattling. “Please don’t. You’re giving up. Please don’t give up. Please, Kade. Please.”

Ewan rushes to the window at the faint sound of sirens in the distance. “Fuck,” he blurts. “They’re coming.”

My heart feels like it’s splitting in two. I don’t have enough time to change his mind. I’m the only one begging him to run. Why has everyone given up? Why is no one else yelling at him to get the hell out of the house while he has the chance?

“I’m not giving up. I’m giving in. I’m not innocent, Stacey. I’ve killed hundreds of people. Some of them were innocent. I’m tired. Exhausted even. I’m not going to allow you to ruin the rest of your life for me. I’m staying and surrendering. I’ll accept the punishment. I’m not dragging you through all of this.”

I let out a strangled cry, dropping my head to his chest. “Please don’t leave me. Please, please, please. Run. Please. Run with me. I don’t care about freedom as long as I’m with you.”

“You need to let me do this, okay?” Kade kisses the top of my head, wrapping his arms around me. One last hug while he’s in theoutside world.

I sob into his chest. My own feels like it’s cracking open. There’s pressure behind my eyes and in my head, and I’m dizzy. “Please run with me.”

Kade’s chest shakes. “I’m so sorry, Stacey. I’m sorry for everything. For not seeing what was happening at home, for leaving you, for taking so long to get away from Bernadette. If I could go back to being eighteen and carefree with you, I would.”

“I can’t do this without you. You’re all I have, Kade. Please.”

Kade’s shaking against me, his own tears wracking his body. “I love you, Stacey. So fucking much. I love you. I’ll never stop.”

I screw my eyes shut, a shock of pain in my heart, my head already aching from the pressure there. “I’ll never stop loving you either.”

I back away so Aria and Ewan can hug Kade. It’s a long hug, and Kade trembles as they both tell him repeatedly that he’s a good kid, that they’re going to try to get him out and that he has a heart of gold.

Rage overtakes me as I hear tyres screeching outside, and I fist my hands, turning and running out the room and down the steps, throwing the front door open. I don’t falter at the number of officers surrounding the house. All of them have guns – they’re pointing them right at me as my footsteps carry me to the middle of the garden.

I throw my arms out to the sides. “How can you all do this?” I yell. “How dare you all stand there with your guns knowing what he’s been through?”

“Hands behind your head!” one shouts at me.

“He’s innocent! He was forced to do everything, and you all know it!”

The officers’ aims shift to behind me, and I sob as Kade drags me behind him. He keeps me caged as he backs me away from the police, Aria and Ewan standing on the porch with tears streaming down their faces.

“I love you,” he says, breathless from running after me. “I’ll love you for the rest of my life. I love you more than fucking anything, but I need you to walk to the porch.”

My head buries into his back as the officers yell at Kade to back away from me, to raise his hands, to kneel and put his hands behind his head. “I can’t lose you,” I cry.

“Let go and walk to my mother, Stacey,” he demands, his throat cracking. “Please.”

“I can’t let go.”

The dogs are barking inside, and more cars are speeding towards the house.

“I’m yours, and you’re mine.”

My jaw trembles. “Forever,” I say shakily. “I love you.”

He turns and smiles down at me, and I can see how tired he is as he wipes my tears with his thumb. I can see officers in my peripheral vision approaching. “So beautiful, even when you cry, my Freckles. You’re amazing, do you know that? I was lucky to have you for even a short space of time. There aren’t any threats left. No Chris, no Bernadette. You can dance and sing and live.”

More tears fall down my cheeks, and I can’t stop them. It’s the strong connection between us. The love. The possessiveness of what we have. We’ve belonged to each other since we were fifteen, in a way. I’ve always wanted him, and now I’m about to lose him – the boy who sat at the pool, whose cigarette I stole; the innocence of him as he used to watch me, as I’d watched him throughout theyears. Until that first kiss, and the second, and every kiss after. We fell harder than I thought possible. We lost. We fought. But after so many hurdles, we were so close.

“I was supposed to be your forever,” I sob, and it’s as if the world around us has slowed enough to let us have this last conversation. “You asked me on the beach in Greece if I’d be your forever, and I said yes.”

We were going to get the happy ending we wanted. Where I’d give him children, marry him, build a home and grow old with him. I was going to fall asleep in his arms safely every night and wake to his,Good morning, Freckles,and laugh at his,You are a terrible singer, Freckles.