Page 18 of Restitution

Fuck. My chest caves in at the memory of me yelling that she was dead to me. I believed my girlfriend had fucked my brother, but she didn’t. They were both drugged, and therefore, it wasn’t sex. It was fabricated. It was rape.

And I disowned them both because of a lie.

I screw my eyes shut to banish the threatening pressure. “I was sent a video of her fucking Jason. It was edited to make it look like she was willingly cheating on me with my brother. We lost our daughter a few weeks before, so I thought she was doing itbecause she blamed me.”

“And you didn’t let her explain?” His voice is low, and I know he’s disgusted with me right now. “Or Jason?”

“I was going to,” I say, swallowing and nearly choking on the lump in my throat. “I drove to her house and… and… his car was outside her place. She tried to kill herself, and he was helping her out of it, but I didn’t know that at the time. It just looked like they were finally able to be together without sneaking around. I snapped and left.”

I sit up dizzily and lean my elbows on my thighs.

“Bernadette chained me to a chair and made me watch hours of footage of Stacey being raped by multiple guys, her stepbrother included. Chris fucking Fields. I didn’t know about him. She kept him a secret from me because he was abusive and manipulative, and she was scared.” I feel my body tense at the thought of him anywhere near her. “He’s abused her since she was young. He killed our daughter.”

“That’s brutal, man. If anyone deserves to be tortured to death, it’s him.”

“Yeah. And instead of being there for her, I shoved her out of my life.” I drop my head, blanking out the pain of my cramping stomach. “I beat up Jason, told her to stay the fuck away from me, and the day you dropped me off after we went to America? That’s when Bernadette found me. I didn’t even reach out to Stacey when her dad died. I’ve been trapped ever since.”

Base doesn’t speak for a few minutes.

My eyes are burning.

“I take it you loved her.”

Loved. Past tense. The way he says the word almost makes me flinch. We’ve been split up for three years now, and I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving her. I don’t know how to not love her. Nota day goes by that I don’t despise myself for leaving her.

We’d probably be married with kids by now.

The idea that my life should be the total opposite of what it is, that I’d be a dad and husband and an engineer if I’d ever made it to uni, makes me want to take a line to numb it all.

“She was everything to me. I think she still is,” I say quietly, frowning to myself at how honest I’m being. Then I hate myself for sayingthink. “No, sheisstill everything to me.”

“Deep.”

Scoffing, I give him the finger through the shadows. “Fuck you.”

Base chuckles. “If it makes you feel any better, I love someone who’s never once loved me back, and I’d still die for her. Your sister, by the way.” He sighs into the darkness. “And when I find her, because I will, I’m not going to let her out of my sight. She’ll love me one day. She has to. Even if she just fucking told me she liked me, it would be enough.”

“She does like you – she used to ask me a lot about you,” I say.

“Well, she can tell me that when I save her.”

He’s being serious, and to be honest, I couldn’t think of anyone better for my sister. Even if he is a walking headache on happy pills. “Just hold on. She’ll eventually come round. She’s just scared of the way she feels.”

“She did mention once that she would break my heart because she doesn’t know how to love someone properly, but I guess we’ll see.”

I nod, even though he can’t really see me.

He then says, “The next time you see Stacey, you better apologise and promise never to be a cunt again.”

“No shit,” I retort, my voice hollow. “I’ll fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness the next time I see her.”

7

KADE

I’m not sure how much longer we’ve been here – a week, a few days, fucking years, but we hear heels clicking, growing closer, the sound grating on my nerves while me and Base share the last cigarette, our stomachs rumbling, both weaker than we’ve ever been.

Aside from the sound of shoes, I hear a manly cough. Great. Archie is here. Can’t wait for him to throw a few comments at me, knowing I’m in no state to punch him like I usually do. His wife walks in first, and guards flood the cell.