Page 150 of Restitution

“You’re touching my cock. The mixed signals are fucking with me, Freckles.”

“Do you even have a condom?” There’s sarcasm in my voice, because I know for a fact he doesn’t, and we already agreed that falling pregnant right now would be irresponsible.

“No,” he replies, narrowing his eyes. “Why would I wear one?”

Forget what I just said – he obviously wasn’t listening when I said we should wait. I lightly tap the side of his shoulder. “Nounprotected sex until this is over, got it?”

“I didn’t exactly stock up on rubbers when I was renovating this place.”

“Then no sex.”

He looks mortified. “Fine.” But then he pulls my mouth to his and kisses me hard. He’s hard between my legs, his breathing is heavy, and I absently rock my hips into his, wanting so badly to hike my leg up and pull him into me.

“I’ll have you know,” I say, biting his bottom lip until it snaps back into place, “I have fantastic self-control.”

He grins then walks me further into the shower, until my back presses to the cold tiles. He crowds me, kissing me so passionately, I feel like I might shatter.

Kade owns me, but that’s okay, because he belongs to me too.

“If I could keep you hidden in this building for the rest of our lives, I would.” He kisses me again. Possessively. “I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Once I deal with Bernadette, everything is black in my head. It’s like I know deep down, after what she made me do, I don’t deserve a happy ending. I don’t deserve to have you. I killed husbands, boyfriends, fathers, and there were a handful of wives who got in the way. I… I… Why should I be allowed to have you?”

“Because it’s not up to anyone else. Iwantyou. Iloveyou. You were trapped and blackmailed. There’s a huge difference between being forced to kill and doing it for fun.”

Kade’s head lowers, and so does his voice, his palm flat against the tiles next to my head. “But I enjoyed the killing part.”

I stay silent, blinking as drops of water hit my eyelashes.

“When I knew the targets were bad people, I had no hesitationending their lives. It was an adrenaline rush watching the light leave their eyes, knowing the world was safer without them. But, in the end, they were someone’s partner or father or son, and I shouldn’t be allowed to be one.”

“Well – you are. The sooner you believe that, the better. You’re my other half, and one day, you’re going to be the best father in the world.” I cup his cheek and stroke it. “One day at a time. You’re not a bad person, Kade. You’re everything to me.”

I smile, and when he doesn’t speak, I continue. “We should sleep and get rested enough for tomorrow. I assume you’re going to make Bernadette’s life hell when you wake.”

“You’d be correct. She—” He pauses, hurt flashing across his face as he presses his cheek into my palm as if he’s starved of my touch. “She killed Jason. I’m not going to grant her mercy by making it quick.”

“Then make it hurt. Make it hurt for as long as you need.”

It’s morbid that we’re even discussing this. Years ago, I would’ve been horrified to be standing in a shower, naked, holding Kade while someone was locked in a room just below us, covered in their own bodily fluids. But now? I’m not bothered. If anything, I want her to feel unimaginable pain for a long, long time. I want it to hurt. I want to hurt her.

She took what was mine. She warped Kade’s mind and turned him into a… machine. She tried to destroy him, but as he places soft kisses over my face and helps me wash my hair, I realise the only thing she did wastryandfailto do all those things. Because he’s here, with me, loving me forever.

Kade is still that eighteen-year-old boy, nervous of touch, falling in love with his sister’s best friend and not having a cluehow to control his emotions.

Only now he’s killed people. His future is balanced on a knife edge, and we have no idea if he’ll fall off the blade unscathed or be cut open for the world to see the colour of his soul.

The police offered him aid, but I don’t trust them. I don’t trust that they’re going to just let him get away with those crimes, despite him being manipulated and blackmailed into doing them.

“You can carry me to bed now,” I say, rising on my toes to kiss him again. “I think Base has fallen asleep at the door.”

He dries me then kisses the side of each knee before wrapping bandages around my clean skin. My body is sore, but Tobias gave me strong painkillers to dull the pain.

He lets me put cream on his burned arm, and when we open the shower room door wrapped in towels, we find Base is gone. Kade holds my hand all the way to our designated room like we’re two high schoolers walking to class.

Our room is small and plain, but I love the fact the bed isn’t huge. We’ll get to be close, even when we sleep. Barry wasn’t joking when he said he’d fully renovated this place. Even the wardrobe has spare clothes for me, and there’s a drawer filled with new toiletries, a hairbrush and a small bag with tampons I definitely need.

Once I pull on cotton shorts and one of Kade’s tops, I lie on the small bed, staring up at him rubbing a towel into his hair.

“What?” he asks, watching as my body curls around the duvet. “Are you still really sore?”