Page 96 of Reasons We Break

“Well, yeah.” He sighs. “Are you gonna make me relive every humiliating thing I did after my mom died, or can we stop here?”

She flushes. Here she was, so enveloped in her own jealousy she didn’t realize she was making him relive the darkest time in his life. “Rajan, I’m—”

“It’s okay.” His voice is gentle, and that makes her feel even worse. “Let me do that striptease I owe you so I can get out of here.”

Simran busies herself clearing space on the bed. “Okay.” She pats the space next to her.

He remains standing. “I can do it here.”

“I can’t see you that far away.”

He sighs again, like it’s a big chore, and sits on the edge of her bed with her, drawing one leg up. “Can you see me now?”

She can’t make out his expression. He seems to understand that, because he brings his face closer. “How about now?”

He’s a touch closer than anyone should be. She’s hyperaware of his fingers spread over her comforter, nearly touching her leg. Butnowshe can see every flicker on his expression. The fullness of his lips. His long, thick eyelashes. The bob of his throat as he swallows. The tiny cut on the underside of his jaw where he must’ve nicked himself shaving. The bruise forming on his cheekbone, despite his insistence that he didn’t get injured at all. Those expressive eyes, nearly haunted tonight.

Despite everything, she feels completely at ease. She’s seen every piece of him now. And she cannot help but adore the picture they create.

She looks at him straight on. “Yes,” she says. “I do see you.”

His breath catches. And then—then—he kisses her.

Simran freezes. His mouth is soft against hers. It reverberates down her entire body, all the way to her toes. She has no room for anything but shock—shock, and giddiness—before he abruptly pulls away.

Completely. His arms are gone. Her mattress shifts as his weight leaves, too. She’s left gaping and frozen and missing his heat and he’s—he’s on his feet, pacing her bedroom, or at least the little of it with open floor.

He curses. Loudly. His next words are harsh and cutting. “Tell me to leave.”

“Wh-what?” She touches her lips with trembling fingers.He kissed her. Rajankissedher.

He runs his hands down his face and turns to face the wall. “Shit,” he mutters. “Shit, shit, shit. What thefuckis wrong with me—theone thingI swore I’d never do—”

He seems to be talking to himself. Simran clutches the fabric of her comforter on either side of her. She can’t draw enough breath to reply, anyway.

He finally turns her way again. “Don’t look at me like that. This is the most fucked-up thing I’ve ever done to you. Tell me to get out.”

He sounds desperate, gutted, furious. Her mouth opens and closes several times.

He doesn’t appear able to wait. “Fine.” He wheels away. “Don’t say anything. I’m leaving.”

He reaches for the doorknob. Simran stands before he can turn it.

“Rajan.”

It’s funny, because right until then, she would’ve thought nothing could make him hesitate. But his whole body stills. She has power over him, she realizes. The thought makes her heady.He kissed her. That means something, doesn’t it? Even if it was just for a moment, he wanted to do it. He wanted...her.

“Come here.” She doesn’t recognize her own voice.

Rajan lets go of the doorknob like it burned him. He turns back around. A thick silence falls. He doesn’t come to her...but he’s not leaving, either.

Some part of Simran reminds her this is reckless—so reckless. But she doesn’t want to think about that. Just this once, she doesn’t want to think at all. She wants tofeel.

He’s still not moving, so she comes to him. She puts her hands on his chest, fascinated with how unsteadily it rises and falls. She looks at his face. The hunger in his eyes thrills her.

“I still don’t know how to kiss,” she whispers, the confession unembarrassed. He’s never made her feel ashamed for these things.

Slowly, Rajan slides his hand over the side of her neck. “Then let me teachyousomething for a change.”