Page 35 of Reasons We Break

“Let’s just get out of here. Please,” she adds, because he looks ready to argue. “I just...Today was hard.”

His eyes become soft, and wide, and earnest. “Yeah, and I’m sorry. I’m going to murder Nick for what he pulled tonight.”

He says it so sweetly she almost wants to laugh. “No, not that—” She sighs and pushes her glasses up. The lenses are horribly smudged after her crying. “My mom has cancer.”

As soon as the words leave her lips, she feels an aftershock ripple through her body.Cancer.

“Shit,” Rajan mutters, and that’s when she remembers one crucial fact:She wasn’t supposed to tell anyone.

Horrified, she says, “Never mind—”

“When’d you find out?”

She hesitates. She already broke her promise. What’s a little more? She’s bursting to talk about it. She needs someone to listen and care, and he’s rightthere, and she can’t stop herself, no matter how bad of a daughter that makes her.

“You can’t tell anyone,” she says in a rush. He nods. “I found out the day we met at Hillway.”

Understanding dawns on his face. “That’swhy you’ve been acting so weird.” He sighs again. “That’s...Yeah, that’s...Shit.”

Somehow, his incoherent response is affirming. It’s exactly how she feels on the inside. “She needs surgery,” she whispers, “and I’m afraid of what her scans will show. I don’t want to lose my—” Her throat clogs. She switches tack. “I want to cheer her up somehow. And she likes this guy for me, so I was going to meet him. I know it’s stupid,” she rushes to add. “I know I’m not supposed to care what my parents think, I shouldn’t want to make them happy—”

“I don’t think it’s stupid,” he says quietly. “Trust me, I get feeling guilty about your parents.”

She shuts her mouth. How could she forget? If anyone knows this pain, it’s him. Rajan was much younger when his mom got sick. He didn’t talk about it much, but she knew through the grapevine, just as he knew things aboutherthrough the grapevine. Her high school problems must’ve seemed so silly in comparison.

“How’d you get through it?” she whispers. “How did you deal with everything happening?”

A self-deprecating smile twists his lips. “As everybody knows, I didn’t.”

Well, that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. She never used to get why he did the things he did, but now she can see what broke him. It’s breaking her, too.

The conversation lulls once they reach the cashier. As they’re leaving the store, someone calls Simran’s name. She turns, and there’s Kamaljot Uncle, putting away his cart. She’d forgotten he lived in this neighbourhood. As he approaches, she and Rajan both bend to their manners, greeting him in Punjabi.

He only acknowledges Simran. “Simran, putt, out shopping so late? Is this a volunteering errand?” His eyes flick to Rajan at her side.

This is not a volunteering errand, and they all know it. “We ran into each other.”

“Ah. Well, I’ll take it from here. Let me walk you out.”

He thinks Rajan washarassingher. She opens her mouth to correct him, but Rajan subtly nudges her foot with his.

“See you at volunteering,” he says, with a look.Not worth it.

And so, helplessly, she lets him go. He disappears into the night while she watches, and she keeps watching until Kamaljot Uncle turns to her. “Simran, you need to be more careful. I don’t like the way that boy looked at you. Remember what he did?”

“Yes,” she murmurs, but she finds it hard to make herself care, even now. Especially when she was offering Nick—

She shuts down her thought process right there. She doesn’t want to think about what she offered. It’s ridiculous. Born out of desperation. It no longer makes any sense.

Kamaljot Uncle, meanwhile, is oblivious. “Just be careful, Simran. You know what boys like him do to nice girls like you.” He takes her grocery bags from her. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

THE NEXT DAY,Simran wakes to multiple texts and a voicemail from Jassa. He’s extremely apologetic about leaving her hanging. A family emergency came up—his grandfather died—and he’d hopped in his car, heading for Quesnel immediately, not remembering to charge his phone. He’ll be taking the remainder of his exams remotely. Both a disappointment and a relief.

But after the night she just had, it’s the least of Simran’s concerns. She spends the next few days going through the motions. Halfheartedly studying for and then writing her finals. Attending her mother’s appointments and scans. Researching everything she can, trying to boost her parents’ morale. Mostly, trying to forget that night.

Kiran must notice something’s off, because a week later when they’re in the kitchen together, she says, “Listen, I know you’re bummed about Jassa, but cheer up, okay? You can go out with him another time. When you actuallywant to.”

“I’m not bummed. He had a good reason.”