Page 45 of Reasons We Break

“It makes sense, doesn’t it?” Kat’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes anymore. “She, along with your father, knew what taking on all that debt would mean. How much they’d have to work, and what that’d do to you and your brothers. But they did it anyway.”

“What it woulddo to us?” Rajan’s blood heats. “Did you hear anything I said? She did itforus. She loved us.”

“People can love you and hurt you at the same time,” Kat notes. “Even if she did it so you could live well, she also did it partly to look to other people like she had money. Wouldn’t you say that was maybe a little...selfish of her?”

Rajan’s up from his seat in a flash, so fast his chair topples over and the candy jar falls on its side. “Don’t talk about her like that,” he snaps. “You don’t know her—you don’tfucking know—”

He cuts himself off, because Kat has flinched.

She recovers almost immediately, but he still notices. His anger falters. And his eyes are drawn back to that dent in the wall.

With effort, he reins himself back in. She’s sitting very still, and when he reaches to right the candy jar, she watches it like it’s a grenade.

He weighs it in his hand before setting it down. “You should be careful, provoking guys like me,” he says lowly. “Some people aren’t going to appreciate it.”

She takes a long time to respond. “I’m sorry. I just want to do more good than sending people back to jail.”

He gets the sense that Kat is somewhat new to this game. Still thinks she can change people.

He pulls his chair upright and sits again. “You’re in the wrong profession.”

Her smile returns, now wry. “Maybe so. Can I finish my thought, though?”

“If you’re asking if I’ll throw shit at your head, I won’t.” He glares at her. “But if you cross a line, I’m gonna say so.”

“That’s fair.” She pauses. “I don’t know your parents, you’re right. But I knowyou. And I’m sure you would’ve preferred they were around, asking you about your day, helping with your homework, coming to your baseball games. Of course you started looking elsewhere for family. For people who would pay attention to you. You were lonely.”

She’s making him sound like the world’s biggest loser. “That’snotwhy—”

“How did you first start running with this crowd? You were a boy from a well-to-do family with no gang ties. How does that happen?”

“What does it matter?”

“Humour me.” She hesitates. “If it’s okay.”

The fact that she’s willing to back off is what makes him cooperate. He rocks his chair on its rear legs and thinks back to grade eight.

How great was it back then when guys from tenth grade started paying attention to him? Gassing him up? Of course he let them egg him on to do stupid shit—like shoplifting. But, he got caught. It was the first time he saw the inside of a police station. All his other friends stopped talking to him after that. Suddenly, he only had one crowd to run with.

“It doesn’t matter,” Rajan repeats. Loneliness is no excuse. Everybody’s parents work a lot. And yet,hewas the one who acted out, started fights, used drugs, and toed the line of expulsion.Hedid this; he drove his parents away. He saw how they tried at first, how their ability to forgive him wore down over time, until it was metal on metal.

“Sure, not everyone in a situation like yours ends up like you. But the point is,” Kat says, “anyonecould. Put someone in a vulnerable frame of mind, in the wrong time and place, and they could fall victim, too.”

Rajan scoffs. “Right.”

“Believe it.” She gestures to her folder. “The difference between you and your Hillway mentor is actually very thin. Maybe remembering that will help you resent her less.”

He opens his mouth to tell her yet again that helikes her just fineand also that hesomehow can’t imagine Simran beating people up with a bat, but then he pauses.

A few weeks ago, when he saw the news of the drug bust on the TV in Kat’s waiting room...it wasn’t just drug dealers who got arrested. There were people you’d never expect. Like that dude who owned a car dealership, and an accountant.

Rajan’s next thought is truly bizarre. So bizarre, he immediately tries to dismiss it. There’s no way. The Lions haven’t contacted him because they’re playing with him. That’sit.

Isn’t it?

Kat doesn’t seem to notice his sudden quiet. She closes his file, a faraway look on her face.

“Wait, we’re done?”