Page 149 of Reasons We Break

“Another one was shoving the cutlery into his jacket pockets. That’s why they had to keep restocking table three.”

Simran is starting to enjoy this game. “Theywerefancy forks. I’ll be sure to pay those compliments forward to the caterer.”

“Stop fucking smiling!” While Simran unlocks the classroom door, Rajan drops the chair. “You’re not getting it. You can’t fix them, and they won’t appreciate you trying.”

“I’m not trying to fix them. I’m giving them the grace everyone should get when they make mistakes.”

“They’ll take advantage of it. It’ll make your life miserable.”

“I think I get to decide how much I’m willing to put up with.”

“You’re pissing me off,” he says. “You’re pissing me off so bad right now.”

Her smile grows. She pushes the door open, flicks on the light. “Why are you here if you think it’s so stupid?”

“Because it’s not.” He sighs and parks the chair in front of its desk. “It’snotstupid, because it’s you, and somehow whenyou’re like this it’s not annoying, it’s...” He makes a frustrated sound. “Itactuallymakes them want to be a better person.”

Then he looks at her, gaze warmer than sunshine. She finds herself flustered, and whips off her glasses to polish them on her shirt. But the fancy, satiny material only makes the smudging worse.

Rajan watches her attempts for several seconds. “Give them to me.”

She hands them over. He brings the glasses to his parted lips, nearly kissing them before he exhales, his breath sweeping over the lenses and fogging them. Heat sweeps over the back of her neck as if his mouth is there, too.

He wipes the lenses with the hem of his shirt and hands them back. She puts them on. Suddenly, her vision is crystal clear. “I missed you.”

She fully expects him to recoil like last time, to suggest they go, but he doesn’t. He seems unusually pensive instead. He hops onto a desk and pats the one beside him. “Sit up here for a sec. I wanna ask you something.”

She obliges, heart thudding. Is this it? Is this where they acknowledge what happened and say goodbye forever? “What is it?”

He leans back on his hands. “Do I make you happy?”

Simran blinks. For several seconds, the only sound is the classroom clock ticking loudly at the front of the room. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Just answer,” he says. “Not like, do I turn you on, or make you laugh at some stupid joke, but do I really make you happy?”

Her chest aches. How could he even question that? “Of course you do.”

“Even if your life imploded because of me?”

“It didn’t.”

“Really? Because the fact that you almost died, the fact that everybody will gossip about us forever, the fact that you fought with your mom, that’s because ofme—”

“No, it’s not,” Simran interrupts. “That all happened because ofmyego andmylying andmymistakes. If there’s anything that happened because of you, it’s that I’m here alive today. It’s that even when I didn’t listen, you were still there to help. It’s that I know it’s possible to keep going after the worst has happened. Because you’ve shown me that every day.”

Rajan smiles dryly. “You’re laying it on kinda thick, Sahiba.”

“It’s true. I learn from you all the time.” Simran tentatively moves closer. He doesn’t pull away. “You’re smart in so many ways I’m not. And you’re kind despite everything you’ve been through.” After what happened with her mother, Simran appreciates that even more. His ability to maintain levity and an open heart. Hiscourageto. “Of course I want to be like that.”

“Nobody’s ever wanted to be like me.”

“Well, I do.”

Rajan’s quiet for a long time, his brow furrowed now. She draws a breath to say more, though she doesn’t know what else she would say; she’s just terrified that if she stops talking he’ll leave her side.

But he speaks first. “You should go to UBC.”

She blinks. “What?”