Page 56 of Reasons We Break

“They could’vechargedyou. You’re lucky Officer Dipshit let you off.”

“Never seemed to occur to you,” Sukha fires back. “Thenornow. Aren’t you still running with the Lions?”

His words hang in the air. No one’s ever spoken the name in their house before. Also, they’re called theLion’s Share. The only people who shorten the name are people who areinthe Lions.

Rajan steps closer. “What doyouknow about the Lions?”

“Just that you’re clearly still with them.”

“Yeah? How would you know?” Rajan stares him down. “Don’t tell me you’ve been running with them, too.”

His voice is deadly quiet, and for a second, Sukha pales. Then he raises his chin. “None of your business—”

Rajan explodes. “Don’t fucking tell meyou’ve been running with them too!”

Sukha’s eyes widen. Rajan knows he’s lost it, but he can’t get himself together right now. First the weed, now this? The thought of his brother getting into the same mess he’s in has him completely scattered—

“Enough,”thunders their father. He wrenches Rajan away by his hoodie, but it’s more out of shock that Rajan stumbles back. His father so rarely talks to him directly.

But now he even looks at him. “Leave. You’re not helping.”

“Oh, because you are?” Rajan shakes him off. “You can’t even stay sober for them for one day.”

He kicks the crate of empty bottles for emphasis. No one speaks. Sukha’s eyes dart between Rajan and their father. From the end of the hall, Yash’s door opens a hair as if to listen better. Rajan knows he took it too far, mentioning the drinking. But it pisses him off that his dad acts like he’s better than him. As if Rajan’s the only one with a problem—at least Rajanquit.

His father finally speaks, voice gravelly. “I was completely sober when you were younger, Rajan, and that didn’t do shit, as we all know.”

It takes everything in Rajan not to flinch. But his dad’s not done.

“You want to play the blame game? Fine. If Sukhaisinvolved in a gang, it’s because he learned it from somewhere. Thesameplace he got his little drug habit and his habit of disobeying everything I ask him to do for his own good.” He turns away. “Your mother would be heartbroken if she saw you now.”

This time Rajan does flinch. “She—”

“I’m talking to Sukha.Youalready broke her heart, before she died.” His father looks back, eyes suspiciously bright. “Remember how she got clots in her lungs at the end? It happened because she laid in bed all day. She was tired, sure. She was sick, sure. But I bet she could’ve gotten up. If you ever just gave her areasonto.”

His voice has lost its usual apathetic undertone by the end. Now it’s downright vicious.

And effective.

“Dad,” Sukha says quietly. “Dad, that’s not—”

But Rajan doesn’t hear the rest. He can’t look at his father or brother any longer. Instead, he strides out without another word. Out of the room and then out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

The night air is chilly, but he barely notices. He just has to get away. He walks and walks until he’s met with the chain-link fence of a ballpark several blocks from home. He grabs onto it, bending over, trying to breathe. It feels like there’s a band wrapped around his rib cage, squeezing the air out of his lungs. He sinks to his knees, still clutching the fence. Gasping for air. Black spots appear in his vision. What’s wrong with him? What iswrongwith him?

He slams his fist into the fence. Pain lances immediately through his shoulder, and with a cry, he drops it. But at least the pain has jarred him out of that suffocating feeling.

He sits in the grass, holding his shoulder. Tonight the ache is relentless. So bad, he might actually cry. He’s tired of hurting. He wants it gone,god, he wants to stop feeling this way for one fuckingsecond.

And so, on impulse, Rajan tugs his phone out of his pocket and dials.

Zohra picks up. “Hello?”

“Come get me,” he says.

Rajan remembers his psych eval from juvie very well.Drug-seeking behaviourswas noted in his chart early on.Probable substance use disorder.

In a way, juviewaslike kindergarten, like he told Nick. Therewasfinger painting. Hedidplay a lot of basketball. Hell, he played the cymbals in the Christmas concert they put on. But they also did some serious shit while there. Therapy. Drug rehab. He got the “kicked the habit” sticker.