Page 139 of Reasons We Break

Surprisingly, it’s her masi who speaks.

“Simran putt, where are you off to?”

Her words are polite, but firm. Simran stops. When didshebecome the nuclear daughter? That used to be Kiran.

Simran faces them. “I’m visiting my friend Rajan in the hospital.”

Spoons clack on plates. Kiran’s eyes are round. She probably didn’t think Simran would announce it so boldly. Her masi glances quickly at her mom, and Simran’s gaze unwillingly goes there, too.

Her mom looks at the ceiling instead of her. Simran almost thinks she’s going to ignore her, which is probably the best outcome. But then she says, “Go if you must.”

Simran waits. The silence stretches. When she starts for the door again, her mother adds, “But I won’t speak to you anymore.”

Simran freezes.

“Tarleen,”Simran’s masi admonishes, in similar horror. “Don’t you think that’s harsh?”

Kiran interjects. “Don’t worry, Masi ji, that’s just Mom for you.” She rolls her eyes, apparently over her shock. “She loves being dramatic. Remember when I said I’d never get married? Mom said she wouldn’t talk to me again. But here we are.” She laughs. Bitterly.

Simran remembers that day vividly. It’s true that, eventually, they started talking again—out of necessity. But Simran’s seen how they interact now. Shallowly. No warmth, no meaning.

Simran knows she’s hanging from the same precipice. If she goes, it will be the final straw. She has to, though. Sheneedsto see that Rajan’s okay.

But shewantsher mother’s blessing. “Mom, please—”

“You think I’m trying to hurt you?” Her mother’s eyes are bright. “I’m trying to stop you frombeinghurt. You think I don’t know, while I’ve been sick, what you’ve been up to? Where you’ve been? Who you’ve been with?” Each of these questions hits Simran in the gut. “I’ve seen your grades this semester, left out on your desk. I’ve heard the voicemails from Hillway, wondering where you are when you’re not answering your phone. I watched you at Neetu’s party, acting like you were drunk or worse. I’ve noticed you disappear at odd hours, without telling anyone where you’re going.”

Simran’s face heats. Her mother’s been paying attention this whole time? “None of that has to do with Rajan.”

“It haseverythingto do with him. He came into your life and it immediately began falling apart. If he hadn’t been there, would you have done any of those things?”

Simran’s eyes burn. The kitchen is silent.

“Listen to me.” Her mother folds her hands on the tabletop. “When I leave this world one day—”

“Mom, you’re notdying—”

“—the only thing I want is to know you’ll be safe and settled and happy.”

An ache builds in Simran’s chest.Happy.

Historically, her mom has always known what’s best for her before she does. Like,Stop biting your hangnail or it’ll bleed.You’ll get hungry, take a parantha.Clean your room or you’ll never be able to find anything. The list goes on; her mother can see, ten steps ahead, what will hurt her, while Simran ignores the warning signs and plows forward.

Is her mom seeing this before it happens, too? Simran had scoffed at TJ for how she avoided the big questions of life posed by her parents, but maybe Simran’s doing the same. Maybe she’s a silly, inexperienced girl making a mistake.

Her masi speaks. “This is ridiculous, Tarleen.” She bangs the pot down, voice rising. “Children make their own choices. Accept it. You say your piece and let them learn for themselves. Or who knows, maybe you’ll be proven wrong.”

This seems to irritate Simran’s mother quite a bit. “I don’t need lessons on parenting fromyou. She’smydaughter—”

“Andyou will lose her!” her masi shouts. “Justlike you lost me.”

Silence. They glare at each other, more openly than ever. Simran glances between them. The awkwardness is gone. Maybe this is what was always underneath.

“I lost you?” Simran’s mom says quietly. “You left.”

“Because you areinfuriating,” Simran’s masi seethes. “You’re stubborn and smothering and you believe what you say is right and there’s no other way—”

Simran’s mom makes an unimpressed sound. “So I’m a terrible mother, am I?”