Page 83 of Reasons We Break

Rajan contemplates flinging himself in front of a bus. “I just said we’re not—”

“I would say you’ll feel remorse once you destroy her life,” his father says. “But I already know from experience that isn’t true.”

He leaves Rajan at the door, staring at the footprints Simran left in the dirt on her way out.

SIMRAN’S NIGHT ATRajan’s is strangely revitalizing. When she gets home, she sends an apology text to Neetuandan email to Paul promising to make up for her absenteeism. And the next day, she visits her mother—who’s thankfully doing much better. So much better, in fact, that a few days later Simran and her father come to take her home from the hospital.

Simran can’t help but notice, as they’re being given discharge instructions, that her mom has lost weight. Her head lolls as if keeping her neck upright is too much effort. She’s in a wheelchair, out of precaution, they explain, just to get her to the car. Because she’s weak.

The doctor adds, “And as for the cancer, your oncologist will call with the...staging results.” He sounds a little apologetic at the end.

Once, these words would have sent Simran into a spiral. Now, she hardly feels anything. She may as well assume this nightmare will continue forever.

“When?” her mom asks quietly.

“Soon,” the doctor says gently. “In the meantime, maybe focus on some hobbies. It might be a good distraction from all this.”

Simran’s mother stares. At first, Simran doesn’t think she’s going to respond, but then she says, “Hobbies?”

She sounds rather lost.

“Yes, hobbies,” the doctor replies, oblivious. “Things you enjoy doing. What are yours?”

“I don’t have any.”

He pats her shoulder. “Well, the local cancer center has lots of activity groups. Maybe find one you like?”

Once he leaves, Simran steps in. “Youhavehobbies, Mom. You like reading cooking magazines. And biking in the summers.”

Her mother gives her a blank look as they enter the elevator. “I bike for exercise. I cook to make good food for you.”

She turns back to the front, and Simran sighs, punching the down button. Her uber-practical mother cannot fathom doing things simply for her own enjoyment. Even if Simran suspects shedoesenjoy them.

When the elevator doors ding open on the main floor, Simran pushes off the wall. But just then,Rupi Auntiewalks by.

Simran flings her hand out in front of the wheelchair.

Her father gives her an odd look, but it’s enough for Rupi Auntie to move on without seeing them. Close call. Simran peeks into the hallway, watching Rupi Auntie’s back retreat. She must be visiting someone here, but, god, what a reminder that they’ve been lucky so far. And they only have to be lucky a little longer: through a long, winding hall to the atrium and exit.

Simran glances at her mom, who meets her eyes, even paler now. She clearly saw Rupi Auntie, too.

In unspoken agreement, Simran walks out of the elevator first, leading them cautiously. Her father pushes the wheelchair. She peeks around corners before they turn them, scoping out each room they walk by. As they near the exit doors, Simran picks up the pace. She can see the outdoors from this hallway. She steps into the atrium.

And runs directly into someone coming from the coffee shop.

“Simran!” TJ exclaims. “What are you doing here?”

Simran doesn’t dare look back. Her mom will be wheeled out from behind her in a few seconds. She darts around TJ, circling her, forcing TJ to turn, too.

She does, laughing. “What’re you doing?”

With TJ safely facing the opposite direction, Simran keeps one eye on the atrium entrance. “Volunteering. Let’s talk somewhere quieter.” She gestures to the chairs safely across the atrium.

TJ doesn’t move. “Is there anywhere you don’t volunteer?I’monly here because my mom got called to the hospital while we were shopping. She said it’d bequick.” She rolls her eyes. “Thank god you’re here. You’ve been avoiding me as usual, and I seriously need a ride.”

Above TJ’s shoulder, Simran’s father finally wheels her mom into the atrium. They look at her. Simran jerks her head in ajust gomotion. It’s as subtle as she can make it, but TJ starts turning. “What’re you—”

Simran grabs her arm and wrenches her back. “You’llneverguess what happened.”