Page 84 of Reasons We Break

It works. TJ turns back, eyes bright with interest. “What? What happened?”

Yeah, Simran, what happened? She blurts the first thing that comes to mind: “Rajan’s my new Hillway mentee.”

“What?”TJ shrieks, loud enough to draw stares. Simran’s mom is almost out the door. “Why didn’t you say anything at dinner?”

“Just happened,” she lies. Clearly Chandani hasn’t told herthatpart. “Funny, isn’t it?”

“Funny? No!” TJ looks upset. “This is worse than that girl who punched you. You have to be careful with him! Chandani told me how creepy he was with you—”

Simran already regrets this. “He wasn’t. He was his normal self.”

“Which is creepy.”

By now, Simran’s parents have left the building. Time to make her exit. “Well, see you later...”

She tries to turn, but TJ catches up. “You can’t dropbombsand just leave! Besides, I still need a ride.”

“Can’t you wait for your mom?”

It comes out more callous than intended. A flash of hurt goes over TJ’s face. “Did I...do something wrong? The way you left dinner the other day...”

Simran’s heart splinters even as she tries to plot her way out of this. “I’m sorry about that. I’m a marker for a professor’s summer classes, and I remembered I had exams to mark due that night. I panicked.”

TJ’s eyebrows rise skeptically. Simran doesn’t have time to reinforce her lie because just then, the doctor who discharged them gets off an elevator at the other end of the atrium. He spots her and begins heading her way, waving a paper. Did they forget something?

Simran focuses back on TJ. Thirty seconds before she’s exposed. “I’ll come back and pick you up. I just have to go right now.”

She’s sidestepping her when TJ’s voice sounds again, very small. “Why does it feel like you won’t come back?”

“I will, okay?” Some part of Simran recognizes TJ absolutely has the right to feel this way, but she’s sotiredof tiptoeing around everyone’s feelings. The doctor has almost reached them.

“But—”

Simran whips around. “Leave mealone! Can you do that for one second?”

Her voice echoes. The doctor pauses in his steps, and TJ’s eyes widen. Simran braces for the blow-up, theFine! See if I ever talk to you again!Her fiery cousin has snapped over less.

But instead, TJ backs away. “Okay.” Her voice is soft, and that’s worse. Simran closes her eyes momentarily, trying to scrape together an ounce of compassion. But there’s nothing left.

So she leaves TJ standing there.

The doctor catches up to her. “Glad I found you. We forgot your mother’s prescriptions—”

“Great.” Simran takes the paper without looking. She doesn’t slow, and the doctor falls back. Simran ignores the greeter bidding her goodbye and heads outside.

Her parents are waiting in Simran’s truck. As Simran climbs into the driver’s seat, her dad asks gently, “Everything okay? We saw you talking to TJ.”

“She wasn’t asking about me, was she?” her mom says.

Simran savagely turns the ignition. The engine sputters to life. “No, Mom. I didn’t give up your precious little secret, okay?”

A shocked silence settles over the vehicle. Simran never talks to them like that. But, she doesn’t care. She keeps seeing TJ’s hurt expression.

Last year, in high school, they’d made a pact to stay in each other’s lives, even if their moms refused to. Yet another promise Simran has been unable to keep. It’s so frustrating. What’s even thepointof having friends who don’t know her secrets? All she’s doing is hurting them. It would be kinder to leave them alone.

It occurs to her, backing out of her parking space, that maybe she should do exactly that—cut them all off. TJ, Neetu, Jassa, all her other friends. Just until she’s done with the Lions. Yes. That will make her life simpler. Simran doesn’t have the strength to lead a double life anymore.

If only she were more like her mom. Her mom handled so much more at Simran’s age. If Simran had her strength, maybe she wouldn’t be falling apart at the seams, losing pieces of herself she took pride in, becoming bitter, pushing away people she loves just to function...