Page 55

I could tell from the way Quasim was acting that he was reverting to his old ways. Things were tense right now, when this should have been the best time of our lives. Everything wasn’t always tense, and we had done some things that made me happy and feel like we were moving in the right direction.

Then he had moments like this when he got back into his head and acted this way. He was allowing Polo to win.

“Quasim,” I stood behind the counter as he remained by the back door. His breathing was labored as he finally looked in my direction. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Anjo.” He bit back his words and kept his hands in the pockets of his sweats.

I couldn’t do this again. Not after all we’ve gone through and how far we had come. When it came to Quasim Inferno, I loved his dirty draws, and I couldn’t stand on a damn thing when it came to him.

I nearly lost my life in his house and turned around to almost losing him. I refused for him to shut me out – again.

“Is this how it’s going to be?”

“Fuck you talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about… this… acting like what we worked on and how far we have come didn’t happen. Reverting back to your ways. I get you almost lost your life and I’m not taking anything from tha?—”

“My fucking life was almost taken from me, Blair… he fucking tried to take my brother from me and then turned around and took Ellis from his brothers. He tried to murder my fucking niece in her own home… my fucking home burned to the ground, Blair… the home I brought my baby home in… shit is fucking gone and most of the memories … you want me to be happy? Should I fucking start tap dancing to make you feel better?”

“Yeah, I’m not doing this shit again… I cannot.” I closed the lid of my tumbler that he had gotten me that said Mrs. Inferno.

He watched as I grabbed the bag and tossed it on my shoulder. “Where are you going?”

“Since we going down memory lane of shit you refused to talk to me about, I gave up a man that wanted to give me the world for you. Every time I should have stood firm, I folded for you. Why? Because I fucking love you and want to heal you so bad. Quasim, I want to be happy, and I know that could exist. I refuse to go back to the same shit with you… so, you can sit here and shut everyone out again. I’m not doing it…

I refuse. We can be doing good, and then you slump into this depression and won’t open up to me… I’m done with this shit.”

“I ain’t about to argue with you, Anjo,” he looked away, and then down at his phone.

“You won’t hear an argument out of me… I can promise you that. I do wish you the best, though, and hope eventually you can let someone in.”

“I let you in,” he muttered.

“And now you’re shutting me out.”

I started to remove my ring and wedding band and he looked up. “Don’t take that fucking ring off, Anjo.”

It took me a second, but I removed it and put it on the counter.

“I’ve never had a problem with being the one that chased you.

Being patient because I knew loving a man like you was different, but worth it.

Quasim, I’ve always been on your time, and it never bothered me because, Sim, you fucking deserve that.

” I took a breath, holding onto the counter, and trying not to cry.

“I needed you to learn that you deserved to be loved. That you didn’t have to earn it through pain or prove that you could survive without it. ”

“Anj—”

“The problem with chasing someone is, they tend to get used to that. This pregnancy hasn’t been easy for me, I’ve been scared.

Scared, but tip toeing around your feelings because I know you’re hurting, too.

I need you to show up for me. Not in pieces, not eventually, I needed the shit now…

and you haven’t. So, be in your head, but for me and my son?

We’re not staying in this depressing ass house.

Smoke and drink all you want, because I won’t be here. ”

I walked past him, and he tried to grab me, and I snatched my arm from him. “My love…”

His eyes held pain, and I wanted to fold. I wanted to hold him, but I couldn’t do that anymore. “We have an appointment on Friday for my scan.”

After dropping Elijah to school, I went to the coffee shop in town and set up my laptop. It took everything for me not to break out in tears while driving away from the house.

I was tired.

This baby was eventually going to come, and I deserved to be at peace. Quasim let everything sit and pile up and kept it to himself. It boiled over and exploded in the kitchen, and that shouldn’t have been the case.

I’ve been the wife that asked him what was wrong, tried to pick his brain and be there. This wasn’t on me, and I wasn’t going to allow him to make me feel that way.

A facetime from Capri came in on my computer and I pulled her up on the screen. “Where are you?”

I laughed as she sipped her 7/11 slushie that she had been obsessed with during her pregnancy. My craving was avocado toast with a fried egg on the top and balsamic glaze. I had it every morning and I never got tired of it.

“Coffee shop doing some work for the studio.”

“What’s the matter?”

Capri, even over a video call, could tell that something was wrong. “Aside from what I texted you earlier?”

“Yes. I know he’s been on his bullshit before, but you look different. Are you alright?”

I held up my hand and gave her a weak smile. “I left Quasim.”

She held her hand to her mouth and looked at me. “No, you both are just in a rough patch in your marriage… we all have those.”

“You and Meer never had them.”

She sighed. “The fact that you believe that is crazy. We have rough patches, but they never last long because we were friends first. We attack the problem on the same time, not as competing opponents.”

“His fucking brother doesn’t want to talk. He wants to hold everything in and then explode when he can’t hold it anymore. I’ve been asking him to let me in since we met, and every time I think we’re good… then we’re knocked back ten steps. I don’t ever doubt that he loves me, but fuck!”

The people in the coffee shop looked at me, and I smiled a bit and mouthed sorry . “Can I say something, and you won’t get mad?”

“What?”

“I’m glad that you left him… men often become too comfortable with us and think we’ll never say bye and leave.

Naheim got so comfortable with that, and I never proved him wrong until it was too late, and I started to hate him.

Let Quasim chase you, and fucking grovel…

you’ve been there, consistent, and he needs to learn that you are his wife.

He doesn’t have to do this alone anymore, and he needs to let you in.

Meer was the same way, believe it or not. ”

“Yeah?”

“Yes… he never told me anything and kept me in the dark. The man knew my life story and all I knew was the basic shit. Guess who now runs to me to let me know when his poop looks off.”

“Capri, please!” I snorted, as I laughed.

“I’m being serious… they were raised by Papa, and I don’t know if you ever noticed, that man is a vault.

He doesn’t show his emotions, and he doesn’t give too much.

Mina is almost the same way… I mean, she shows emotions, but she doesn’t reveal much when she’s feeling something.

I come from a family that says I love you and kisses and loves on each other.

This is new for them, and while we are patient, we’re not fucking saints. Let that nigga’s chest hurt.”

“I mentioned Zay, maybe I should hit him up,” I joked with her, not thinking about any other man but the one I married.

“Girl, I said make him grovel, not make him kill.”

I laughed, knowing that my husband saw red whenever a nigga even looked my way. “We don’t have sex anymore, Pri.” I sulked, missing the connection.

She set her drink down and leaned back in her office chair.

“He’s an alpha… the kind of man that holds his own no matter the situation. Doesn’t stay down for long, keeps everything bottled up. Meer said he’s always been like that. Right now? His body is betraying him, and he’s struggling to make peace with that.”

She paused, messing with her chain that had Ryder and Rayce’s initials on it, giving me the second to let her words settle in.

“Blair, I’m not asking you to be endlessly patient. Especially when he hasn’t been open with communication. There’s a storm brewing inside of him. Frustration and a deep sense of failure.”

She looked at me. “Yeah.”

“Meer went through the same thing while recovering. Getting back on that bike nearly broke him… it’s like their mind tells them they’re ready and can handle it, but their body won’t cooperate. It’s a disconnect, and it fucks with their pride.”

I wiped the tears that finally decided to fall and sniffled.

“I didn’t ask for this shit… I didn’t ask for this marriage to be hard.” My voice cracked and I didn’t care who was looking at me. “I wanted to be loved and to love. That is all… not all this silence and guessing, not feeling like I’m on the outside of something I’m supposed to be a part of.”

“I know he wants his wife. He wants that connection with you. But right now, he’s at war… with himself.”

“I’m tired of trying to decode a man who won’t even hand me the key, Pri… sick and tired. If he wants this, then I need him to fucking show me, because I’m done giving it energy.”

She sighed. “I know… I have some news that is going to cheer you up.”

“You found me some white chocolate pretzels?”

Capri paused. “Bitch, when did that become a new craving?”

“Right now… I need to find some in the grocery store.”

“Anyway, Zoya called me last week after sending us a lengthy email.” She looked at me, and I looked away because I hated being in emails.

“Girl, go on.”

“She wants to throw us both a joint baby shower weekend. Take her brother’s jet to Barbados for the week, and just enjoy spa days on the beach, eating, and being around the girls?”

“Girls?”

“Zoya, of course. Erin, Alaia, Syn, Kobe, and Skyler.”

I smiled because I needed that right now. “Really?”

“I cried when I read the email. We both need that… we’ve been moms and wives, but let’s get the fuck out of here and have some rest. Mercer’s court date isn’t here yet, so I have some time to get away before maternity leave.”

“Sounds like you need this more than me.”

Capri broke out into tears, and I didn’t know what to do. “A toddler and then two babies… I’m fucking scared, Blair. I want to show up for Peach, and I know having two more siblings is a lot. Beretta shit on my carpet yesterday and then walked off like she’s that bitch.”

Pyro had been pretty calm since we moved her to Ashbourne with us. She sat on the back patio with Sim, and one of the times, I saw him blowing smoke in her face, so I was almost sure she liked being high now.

A high hoe.

“Being scared is normal, babe. Wanna know what I think?”

She sniffled and sipped her slushie. “What?”

“You’re going to kill this twin mama thing like you do with everything else. I know that Meer will help you balance everything, and you’re going to continue being the best Suga mama to Peach. As far as my God-baby, the minute you are overwhelmed, I will come and get her.”

“You say that now, but you’ll have your own baby.”

“And it takes a village. We’re going to get through this together, and then we’ll leave the babies and have a summer in the Caribbean without the kids or husbands.”

She smiled, as she wiped her face. “I like that.”

“Go and do your important district attorney work and we’ll talk tonight… love you.”

“Love you too, B.”

I ended the call with Capri and took a deep breath when I spotted who I was waiting for, walk through the coffee shop door.