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He shrugged. "This thing in my head no longer has an off switch.

She's there. Always. Sometimes, she can push me so far away, I don't know anything, but I can still feel her.

When the Hunt came that night? The one in the early morning?

I woke up because I felt her fear! And when she's happy, I hear her.

Fuck, she is always thinking. Just rambling to herself in her head, and it's so loud .

And you?" He tossed his hands up. "She can't stop fucking thinking about you!

How you smile, the color of your eyes, the way your hair is messy in the morning. It doesn't fucking matter."

Holy shit. There was no way. "Do all fae do this?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No fae does this. And here's the part you're missing.

No one else knows about this except Wilder and Hawke.

Aspen told Wilder. Hawke figured it out while he and I were still with the Sparks and asked, so I verified.

We didn't tell Liam, so he didn't tell Bracken or Ivy Rhodes, which means it wasn't a part of our promise.

That's why I can actually tell you this.

It isn't something I want anyone to know - unless I trust them completely. "

" Really ?" I asked, pretty sure he was trying to say he actually trusted me .

"It's also not an easy thing for me to admit," he said.

"But I do, and you need to know. Rain, when we burned open our link - helping you - I lost the ability to close it.

That's what changed. That's why my control is fucked, because I can't fucking concentrate with her constant inner monologue.

She's…" He gestured at his head. "Right now, she's thinking really hard about her next spell.

She's busy trying to perfect her magic, and it's working.

Her control is better than it's ever been, because a part of my mind is soothing hers, focusing it, and allowing her to feel how it's supposed to be.

But in reverse?" He huffed out a laugh. "She's all but screaming and jumping in my head when I need to actually concentrate, and I don't know how to deal with this! "

"Oh." Fuck, what could I even say to that? "Torian, I'm sorry. I didn't know, and I didn't mean to. What do you need? I mean, maybe we could - "

"No." He lifted a hand, halting my rambling.

"I'm not trying to make you fix it. Rain, I'm trying to say you're right.

I am too, but that doesn't make you wrong.

" Pushing out a sigh, he let his hand drop.

"But you can't let her drain herself. She will.

Aspen will destroy herself for you, because she's never been in love before.

She doesn't know how much it can hurt. She has no fucking clue that she needs to take care of herself too.

All she sees is you putting yourself at risk for her, and she thinks she has to pay it back, so she risks her fucking life! "

"No, that's not what I wanted!" I breathed.

He lifted a hand. "I know. Hawke made that clear - and called me a dumb fuck a few times."

"So can you help me?" I asked.

His eyes narrowed. "Me?"

"I mean, you know about Wild magic, right?"

The corner of his lip curled higher. "A bit. I use seasonal magic, though."

"Yeah, but Ms. Rhodes doesn't know shit!

Maybe you can help me? I know you have a class with Keir, and I dunno, maybe he can help too?

Or not. I'm not trying to make this weird.

It's just that you are right, Torian. I don't know shit, and I never know what I'm supposed to do or how to do it.

Ms. Rhodes keeps telling me to focus on putting magic in that stone - "

"Hawke has it," he broke in.

I flashed him a smile. "I'm very purposefully not looking for it right now."

"Good, because he has a theory that stone can work as a battery for you. A reservoir of extra power. As for using it?" He glanced away.

"What?" I begged.

"Rain, he's talking."

"The Huntsman?"

Torian nodded. "Yeah, him. He never went off script - until you hit him with power. You can't keep doing that."

"But I have to do something! "

He tilted his head and looked at me. "Try using a sword.

Iron still hurts the fae. All fae, Rain, even wildlings.

The sidhe burn faster and easier, but wildlings aren't immune to it.

Even our plants wither in it. And while yes, Jack gave you his magic, your greatest strength with the Hunt is that you can hold that fucking sword Bracken gave you. "

"Oh."

Then Torian reached across the table, his fingertips brushing the top of my arm. "I can't teach you that."

"Keir has been."

Torian grunted. "I can teach you how to be a weapon."

"Please?" I begged.

"Give her a present, Rain, and it will be a deal. I will come, I will be civil, and nothing will matter but making her happy and keeping her safe. Do we have an agreement?"

My eyes narrowed as I replayed his words.

"If I give her a present, you will not only come to Aspen's party, but also enjoy it - or do your best to either try to or fake it - and you will not pressure her about anything for the course of the day?

Plus, you will give me the chance to fix whatever I've done to cause this rift between us? "

His lips were curling higher. "You bargain like a fae, le Fae."

"I have the name for a reason," I reminded him. "Is it a deal, Torian?"

"I agree to your terms but do not restrict myself to them.

" He flicked his brows at me even as the magical release of our agreement filled the room.

"And so you know, I stopped being mad at you the moment you said you were sorry.

" He glanced away. "I am too, Rain. Mostly, I'm sorry I can't tell you the things you want to know.

I'm sorry we can't be stupidly happy children forever.

And I'm sorry it's all going to get fucked up. "

"It doesn't have to," I countered.

"Yeah," he said softly. "That's where you're wrong. Growing up means things change. Those things fuck up the nostalgia of childhood. There's no way to stop it."

"But you can hold on to it," I said. "I think that's Aspen's problem, actually. You want to hurry to the end where you can have control of everything, and her? She just wants to stop and smell the roses while she's on the way - and maybe even take the scenic route."

"There's no scenic route through life."

"Then make one," I told him. "Because if you love your sister half as much as I do, you'll figure out how."

He laughed once. " Rain, I was wrong."

"Huh?"

"You are a good Morrigan. You're just not the Morrigan I hoped for. I think you're the one we need, though."

"Help me get better?" I asked.

Casually, he began to trace the grain of the wood on the table. "I promise."